Sometimes you hear a story that’s so unbelievably funny, that it actually turns into unbelievably serious.  Such is the case with my magician friends, Marty & Brenda Hahne. Two of the kindest and most caring family & children entertainers in the business. They are based out of Ozark, MO, and travel the US entertaining audiences in schools, libraries, malls, and other venues.

A few years ago, the USDA  Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service agents started searching out magicians and showing up uninvited at their homes. Because of the USDA’s (the Rabbit Police) on going harassing of unannounced inspections, costly license requirements, increased veterinarian expenses, and other unnecessary time and money consuming requirements, magicians across the US have implemented Rabbit Lay-Offs. Yes, once productive, useful, smile-making rabbits have been turned into useless dependent animals existing without a purpose.  Many former joy-giving show rabbits have just given up.

All this happened because of our Washington, well educated student loan funded lawmakers. Today, hundreds of thousands of American children will never experience the joyful surprise of seeing a soft fluffy rabbit magically appear before their eyes.  They’ll never again have an opportunity to pet or hold a live rabbit during or after a magic show.  Because, most all magicians have excluded live rabbits from their shows due to new government enforced regulations. Included in the long list of nonsense government regulations is a law that states, if a child  is allowed the opportunity to touch a rabbit in anyway, the magician is required to supply a government approved hand-washing station that’s located within sight of where the rabbit touching takes place.

Marty & Brenda Hahne felt it was important that their audience members experience the fun and excitement of witnessing a magician appear a live rabbit.  So, they exccepted the fact that their end-of-year income would decrease substantially in order to meet the new Rabbit Police Laws. They made a commitment to each other, their audiences, and a promise to Charley, the rabbit; he was staying in the show and would not be a victim of rabbit laid off.

Just when you think the US government could not do anything else to make something more difficult, the government proves that anything’s possible.  On June 27, 2013, Marty Hahne posted on his facebook that his USDA rabbit license requirement just took another ridiculous twist. He received an 8 page letter from the USDA, telling him that by July 29, he needs to have in place a written Disaster Plan, detailing all the steps he would take to help get his rabbit through a disaster, such as a tornado, fire, flood etc. Before the end of July he needs to have this written rabbit disaster plan in place, or he is breaking the law.

Here’s the detailed timeline the USDA gave Marty to comply with its order:

• The new regulation became effective Jan. 30, 2012;

• The written plan must be completed by July 29, 2013;

• Hahne and his wife, Brenda, must be trained to implement the plan as written;

• The written plan must be available for review by USDA inspectors by Sept. 28, 2013.

This is an example of a humor transformation. A true story that started out by being unbelievably funny, and then transforming into unbelievable. Everyone loves to laugh, but everyone doesn’t laugh at the same thing. Understanding humor can be complicated and complex with confusing constantly changing exceptions.  They’re no “always black” or “always white” rules in comedy.  What was funny today, may not be funny tomorrow. Most people responded with laughter when they first heard  the rabbit disaster plan story, but now, few seem to be laughing.

Click Here to:   Watch Marty perform with USDA Approved Charley the Rabbit.

Sources:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/watch-him-pull-a-usda-mandated-rabbit-disaster-plan-out-of-his-hat/2013/07/16/816f2f66-ed66-11e2-8163-2c7021381a75_story.html

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/jul/1/agriculture-department-tells-magician-write-disast/

http://bobmccarty.com/2011/05/25/usda-rabbit-police-stalking-magicians/

http://bobmccarty.com/2013/06/28/usda-tells-magician-to-write-disaster-plan-for-his-rabbit/

Cartoon by http://BobMcCarty.com

http://martythemagician.com/

My shopping cart was packed to the brim with peanut butter, assorted paper products, and twenty five pounds of Trail Mix. It was mid-day on a Tuesday, and I was casually bulk shopping while waiting on tires to be mounted and balanced at the local Costco Wholesale Warehouse.

As I was pushing my way to checkout, I passed by a large screen TV display promoting DIRECTV services. I noticed that the screen’s picture was frozen.  It looked to be some type of cooking show. My first thought was, “Boy, that’s a funny image for the picture to be paused.”  A short, baldheaded guy was holding a fork with a hot dog weenie half in his opened mouth. Next to him was a taller guy in a chef’s hat, pointing his index finger in the bald guy’s face as if to be saying: “Okay Oscar Meyer, you’re on my last nerve, and that’s your last WEENIE!”.

  I then noticed something even more comical. The DIRECTV service, that they were demonstrating was not working properly.  It was raining outside, and that was the reason the TV picture was frozen still. The rain was blocking the DIRECTV dish from receiving the satellite’s signal.  You know, there’s a reason clothing stores don’t display sweaters in the summer.

Costco may need to rethink their DIRECTV  display.  It’s like they’ve created a display that says to potential buyers, “Our satellite TV service delivers the ultimate in picture quality …….. except on rainy days, when it’s pretty much useless.  And, to prove how that looks, we’ve created this elaborate $15,000 in-store semi-working display.  Sign up today and receive a free deck of playing cards to help fill your rainy day voids.”

My purpose for writing this was to hopefully give you a reason to smile. It was not to slam DIRECTV or Costco. In fact, I am a DIRECTV customer and I’m pleased with both their product and service. As I was writing, I was reminded that even the best of products and services have their unique weakness, imperfections or flaws. When we’re making buying decisions, it’s our responsibility to determine the strengths that will benefit us the most and the weaknesses that will affect us the least. Nothing is 100% perfect for everyone. That’s why some people drive a sports car, others a mini-van. That’s why some choose satellite TV, others cable. And, that’s why eHarmony has had over 33 million sign-ups.

“Laughter, a Gift that Should Be Re-gifted”. Watch waiting tram passengers as they’re secretly videoed from multiple camera angles. This short clip is proof that laughter is both a universal language and contagious.

If video is not visible, click here: http://youtu.be/Wk9-gkT2bI8

Ernie’s Dwarf Car Museum is Now on My Bucket List

Before comedy, I drag raced on the IHRA circuit for 14 years, and was a machine designer for even more years. So, I have an appreciation for unique cars, a respect for mechanical craftsmanship, and an admiration for people that march to their own drum.

More impressive than Ernie Adam’s finished dwarf cars, is Ernie himself. He’s an example of the type individuals that helped make America great. He’s what we should all strive to do with our lives. No, not build mini cars from the junk of others, but strive to discover our personal God given individual uniqueness, and to embrace that uniqueness with confidence and passion. We should learn to trust and follow our initial gut feelings without hesitation and never allow others to convince us otherwise.

The fact that Ernie has the amazing ability to visualize and fabricate with great detail, small running cars, will probably never make a huge difference in the world, but Ernie’s, determination, his work ethics, his humbleness, and the inter peace with which he lives his everyday life is making a positive difference in the lives of those around him.

So, what’s your unique talents? Are you using them? Are you letting other’s plan your life for you? How can they possibly understand your true purpose which God has ingrained in only you?  Stop trying to please others and start pleasing your gut.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/5fYprwMmaaM?t=2s[/youtube]

Talk about a Water Park Ride. Watch this Monstrous Spinning Whirlpool that formed after a river flooded it’s banks in Dviete Parish, Latvia.

Can you think of any funny lines for this video?  Please post them in your comments.  Here are a few examples to get you started.

1) Anyone for Whitewater Rafting?

2) Now children, please stay close to the bank.

3) No wonder the fish stopped biting.

4) Hey Bubby, I found a great place to through our garbage.

5) Honey, you’re not goin believe what happened to the boat.

6) Similar to your tax money at work.

You must watch this very funny & creative commercial for an insurance company based in the Netherlands. It was filmed in 2 days on location in Miami. I suggest watching it once or twice just as if you were watching TV in your living room.  Then go back, watch, pause, and restart multiple times to see how many subtle bits of humor are hidden within. This is ABOVE AVERAGE HUMOR in a well crafted commercial, that’ll make people laugh, remember, and purchase.

This international commercial proves “Humor Is the Universal Language”

NOTE:  On your 2nd, 3rd or 4th viewing, be sure to read the billboard signs, notice the cool classic cars, and the stainless steel Air Stream Diner. The amount of planning & details in this one short commercial are amazing. The background music is by a Dutch band. Who’d a thunk people in the Netherlands like Bluegrass? Maybe I need to get out more.   Bluegrass Boogiemen

Centraal Beheer Achmea (Insurance Company)

Visit:  http://www.atimetolaugh.com/

Click For More Strange Blogs

I’m in an oral surgeon’s waiting room, and it’s 8:30, eastern day light savings time on a Friday morning.  The reason I’m here started 5 years ago when my then dentist suggested one of my tooth fillings needed to be replaced.  His reasoning was, because of the filling’s age, there could be undetectable decay under the filling. I guess similar to bottom rot on a tomato. He went on to explain that today’s new filling compounds were much improved and would last longer. (Note: When shopping for medical care for yourself, your family, or your dog, it’s wise to avoid practices with names that contain words like: Outlet, Express, or Depot.) Now keep in mind, this tooth was perfectly happy and had never caused myself or anyone in my immediate family any aggravation, irritation, or pain. So, believing and trusting in my doctor’s dental wisdom, I gave him the “go-ahead” to replace the filling.

To make a long story short, my once happy tooth was over filled resulting in bite alignment problems, pain, many trips to the dentist, TMJ, and a cracked tooth.  I went through 5 years, 5 dentists, grinding, re-shaping, polishing, a crown, a root canal, and ended up with a sharp pain when I used the tooth for biting food.   So, I finally gave up and made an appointment to have the once happy tooth extracted. And, that’s why I was in the oral surgeon’s waiting room at 8:30 on a Friday morning.

After a brief wait, I was soon escorted to the operatory, assisted into a horizontal baby blue dental chair, and received a matching blue dental bib that was chained and alligator clipped around my neck.  I’ve been told that the color blue brings out my eyes, but that day my eyes would be mostly shut. The doctor soon walked into the room, shook my hand, and entered into my mouth. I suspect he’s on a production based salary, because he’s not taking time to ask about the weather, my kids, or how my mama’s doing. He only asked me to verify the problem tooth. Which made me think, that some time in the past, he had failed to ask someone that question.  I told him it was on my top right side, next to last tooth. I said, “It’s easy to find because it’s got the letters “K” ,”I”, “A”  stenciled on it.” He ask why the 3 letters. I said, “Because I could have bought a “KIA” for what I’ve spent on that one tooth.” By his lack of response, I don’t think he even knew what a KIA was. Now that really surprises me, because all the people I know that work on a production based salary own at least one KIA.

After numbing me from my shoulders up, the doctor and his assistant went straight to work moving in and out of my mouth like a precision marching team.  I’m busy taking care of everything on my end. You know, important things like short heavy breathing, soft grunting sounds, and rapid non-stop praying. As soon as his hands and my tooth exit my mouth opening, and even before I hear the tooth clink in the bottom of his stainless steel drip pan, the doctor goes into “up-sale” mode. He’s strongly recommending I fill my new void with an implant. He said that in three months, after the bone grows back into shape, he’ll cut open my newly healed skin, drill and tap threads into my jaw bone, and screw a titanium stud in place that would allow my dentist to mount a man-made handcrafted tooth. He explained the procedure would require several visits and with healing time, take 6 to 8 months.

I could sense he really wants me to have the implant, because my decision has a direct relationship to his family’s quality of life. I do believe he needs to put a little more thought into how he speaks of the benefits of having an implant.  His speech went something like, “If you choose to have the implant, you’ll never have to worry about the tooth again.” He re-emphasized “the strong titanium steel stud, screwed firmly into my jawbone, that would remain securely in place long after I’m dead and gone.”  I guess he never stopped to think that when a person reaches a certain age, pretty much everything they buy comes with a life-time warranty and will be here long after they’re dead and gone. Even the people selling appliances at Best Buy understand that. Two years ago, we purchased a refrigerator and the guy has yet to ask me if I want to purchase the extended warranty.  When that happens, it hurts. It hurts real bad. Even worse than first time the Bojangles’ cashier gave me a senior discount on a chicken biscuit, without ever asking my age.

Okay,  back to the tooth. Like a well-trained salesperson, the dentist never mentioned cost until he had given all the benefits. He said the total procedure would require both he and my regular dentist and would run in the neighborhood of several thousand dollars. Yep, that tooth was more like a KIA than I had first realized. Not only did it cost as much as a KIA, I paid on it for 5 years, and in the end, it had no re-sale value, and I had to pay someone to remove it.

I wonder if “Lamborghini” will fit on my new implant.

PS- That Friday night, I placed the tooth under my pillow. The next morning there was a $5 SNAP card, a 1099G form, and a note saying, “Saturday Delivery Will Cease August 1”, signed The Tooth Fairy.

By Glenn Strange ⓒ 2013

By Glenn Strange ⓒ 2012

My wife is going to be so pleased when she gets home. I’m in the process of placing peel and stick Velcro Strips under every item in the house weighing 15 pounds or less. That’s right, every ornamental gadget, whatnot, and doodad.  Including clocks, lamps, salt/pepper shakers, telephones, vases, radios, books, magazines, … even the “As Seen on TV” combination soap dispenser, toothbrush, and toothpaste tube squeezing devise (with 4 oz rinsing cup). Anything that’s sitting on the coffee table, end tables, bookshelves, kitchen cabinets, or dining table. It’s all going to be secured in place with Velcro.

I’m nearing the end of this project and I only have the wall items to Velcro.  You know, things like pictures, mirrors, shadow boxes, room thermometers, … even the hanging  combination backscratcher, shoehorn, fly flop wedding gift that Uncle Zac gave us. Made from genuine Hawaiian Tiki Bar Bamboo and measuring 32 inches (it’s longer than most) enabling you to slip on shoes without bending, scratch those hard to reach places, and easily flatten distant flies.

Once everything is firmly Velcro-ed in place, my dear wife’s life is going to be so much simpler. No more dreading that never-ending task of dusting. Dusting as we know it will be transformed into an event that even kids will beg to do. About once a week, or more often, depending on the humidity where you live, all you do is prop open the outside doors, grab your $49 cordless leaf blowing machine, go to far end of the house, turn around, start walking and blowing dust. It couldn’t be any easier or faster. You’ll never again have to pick up or move aggravating dust collecting whatnots. You can even dust the curtains, blinds, and crystal chandeliers without the use of a potentially dangerous step ladder, chair, or footstool. Other than the stripping profession, there’s never been a better use for Velcro.

Perfect timing, I’ve just finished Velcro-ing my mother-in-law to the wall and I hear my wife coming up the driveway.  She’s going to be so excited and pleased with me. I can only imagine. Look out …… light the candles!

Early Christmas Eve morning this “Strange” family will convoy to Denny’s for a Grand Slam Breakfast. (Waffle House ruled out because of non-family friendly booths). After breakfast, it’s off to Lowes for gift exchanging. Each family member will bring a spring loaded wooden clothespin, their Christmas wish list & a #2 pencil.  Once inside, each person will claim a Christmas tree & attach their wish list to an eye level branch. Then the Christmas shopping will begin.

Each person will shop the store for one gift per family member. They’ll place that unwrapped gift under the family member’s tree & mark that item off the wish list, using their #2 pencil. Once everyone has finished shopping we’ll circle the trees, hold hands and sing “Jingle Bells”, Elvis’ “Blue Christmas”, and the first verse of “Silent Night”.

Each person will then buggy up the gifts from under their claimed Christmas tree, proceed to checkout, without the tree, & pay for the gifts they were given. By everyone paying for their own gifts, no one will have a tendency to ask for overly expensive gifts, and everyone will receive only gifts they really want.  Coupons are permitted and encouraged.

Christmas at Lowes Benefits

1. No Christmas tree to buy, water, or store

2. Reduces shopping time

3. Eliminates home decorating cost

4. No increase in electric bill

5. No fighting mall traffic

6. Eliminates returning presents

7. No gift wrapping

8. Decorations look new

9. Eliminates re-gifting

10. Reduces cleanup time

It was a beautiful morning, not a cloud in the sky, and then I peed in the water cooler. Everyone experiences something in life that’s never forgotten. Could be your first kiss, your first car, or the birth of your children. For me, it was that Friday morning I peed in the doctor’s water cooler. Well, it’s probably not as bad as you’re thinking, but it was pretty bad. Let’s just say, “I marked it.”

Let me explain. You see, my wife and I made the decision to change our family doctor. We’d heard many good comments about this young doctor whose office was not far from our house. Plus, his office manager was a long time family friend. We made our appointments. I was to go for my first visit on a Friday and my wife was to go the following Friday.

Now, for a little background information. You see, our previous doctor was not in a new building like this new doctor. In our previous doctor’s office, when you were asked for a specimen, the lab person simply handed you an empty cup, you walked across the hall to the restroom, added your personal product, and carefully returned the filled cup to the lab person. Being careful not to overflow, spill, or drop along the way.

I’m going to move a little forward in the story and give you information that I did not know at the time of my first visit. See, the new doctor’s office had a handy dandy stainless steel  double door box, built into the wall between the restroom and the lab.

It was kind of like those room connecting double doors you see in hotels, but only about one foot square and located at near waist high.  The idea is, when the sample has been collected, the donor opens door #1, places the cup containing the sample inside the box, closes the door, washes hands, and returns to the lab waiting area.  After the appropriate amount of time, the lab person opens door #2, on the opposite side, and removes the cup with the sample, and conducts the testing. What an ingenious idea! Keep in mind, this was my first time in this office and I did not know this handy-dandy wall box was even in existence. There was no big yellow arrow pointing to the box, nor was there a sign explaining it’s purpose, or giving step by step instructions.

Now, back to the story in real time. I arrive for my appointment early in order to fill out lots and lots of paperwork. Once that’s completed, I’m soon called back to meet with the doctor. Things are going along well. Everything jumps when it’s hit with the little green rubber headed hammer, nothing skips a beat, nor does anything hurt when he pushes. The first part is soon over and the doctor walks with me to the lab waiting area. We shake hands, I have a seat, and thumb through a National Geographic enjoying the pictures.

Soon, the lab-lady enters the waiting area with her extended hand containing a paper cup. Now, I notice this cup is not like the small clear plastic cups my other doctor uses. This cup is paper and much bigger: about the size of a McDonald’s coffee cup without the handles.

Now, I’m already nervous and we’re entering into the test portion. My mind begins racing at 90 miles an hour,  “I hope she doesn’t expect me to fill this thing up, because there’s no way. If she does, I may have to go back to my other doctor and that means all that paperwork I just filled out will be for nothing.”  As she hands me the cup, she says in a polite voice, “We need a sample. Go around the corner on the left, first door on the left, place the cup in the silver box when you’re done, and I’ll remove it from there.”  My mind races again. Before she’s even completed her instructions, I’m already repeating everything over and over in my head.   At the same time, I’m asking myself, “Glenn, why did you choose to wear khaki pants today, you had navy blue ones hanging beside them? Now, you’re going to have to be even more careful. Odds or not in your favor, Glenn. What where you thinking anyway?”

So I take the cup from her, repeating to myself as I begin walking, “Go around the corner, on the left. There it is, I see it. That wasn’t hard, now was it? First door on the left. There it is, just as she said, first door on the left. Now, make sure it’s not the lady’s room. You would hate to go in the lady’s room. It’s not!! I’m doing good. Now, she said something about a

silver box. Where could it be?  Oh, there’s a silver box, just outside of the restroom door. That must be the one she’s talking about. But it’s not a cube shaped box. It’s more rectangular. I guess some people may consider that a box. Besides, that must be it;  Why would they locate something like that beside the restroom door if it weren’t for urine samples? I’ll bet that’s some new kind of urine testing machine. I see the little recessed indention in the front. That must be where you sit your cup. I bet there are one or two small stainless steel tubes, like drinking straws, that automatically slowly lower themselves down into the contents. They probably pull a vacuum. One straw pulls just the correct amount to run the test, and the other one is programed to empty the unused contents into the sewer system. There, I see where the cup sits on some grading that’s located in the indention area. That’s smart. In case you spill some there’s a drain under the grading. I’ll bet, after the sampling is completed that grading opens up like a trap door and the cup drops down into a small trash compactor like you see in new kitchens on the “Home & Garden Channel”. What a great invention! With this machine, no humans have to physically touch anything. It’s all done automatically. Amazing! I can’t wait to place my sample in the machine, and watch it work.”

So, I enter the restroom and things go great. No drips, no spills, and my khakis look perfect. I’m now feeling more relaxed and relieved. The hard part is over. I soon proudly exit the restroom with my sample in hand. I step to the front of the testing machine, bend at the knees and with the gentle precision of an astronaut docking his spacecraft, I guide my paper cup into the recessed area of the urine testing machine. Once it’s safely resting in place, I release my grip, carefully remove my hand, and watch expecting to see the two stainless straws lower and the testing process begin. I wait, but nothing happens.  I assume it’s probably not set to automatic, and the lab-lady will soon come out and push the manual  override start button.

So, I straighten up from my bended knee position and return to the waiting area and my National Geographic. As I’m thumbing through the pages and enjoying the beauty of the multi green colors of the South American rain forest, the lab-lady appears in the corner of my eye. I look up and she says, “I need to get your sample.” I say, “I put it in the box”. She then says, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see it. I’ll get it.”  At that moment she starts walking around the corner and I’m following closely because I want to witness those two stainless steel straws as they lower into the sample. I thought it strange that she was not walking toward the urine testing machine, but she was stopping early and reaching for the restroom door.

For some reason, it was at that very instant I got this weird gut feeling. I sensed the lab-lady was having an ‘I-do-not-need-this’ experience.  Again my mind begins traveling at 90 miles an hour and a sickening thought enters my mind, “Glenn, that urine testing machine looks a lot like a water cooler without the water container. You know, that large glass jar that’s on top. The thing old people call it a bubbler. Surely it’s not a water cooler. No, please, it couldn’t be. Besides there’s no way it could work without a bubbler on top, or could it? I’ve never seen one without a bubbler. But wait, I see pipes coming from the wall and leading to the rear of the testing machine. If those pipes contain water, it doesn’t need a bubbler on top.  This is not looking good, Glenn.”

By this time, the lab-lady has the restroom door almost completely open and I say, “No, it’s not in there. It’s in the box, I put it in the box.”  She asks, “What box?”  I said, “This box over here.” With a puzzled look, she watches as I walk over to the testing machine and remove a cup of urine. I hand her the still warm cup, and she quickly turns her back and starts walking toward the lab. I then ask, “Is that the drinking water fountain?”  Without turning around, she says, “No ….. not exactly.”  I ask, “What do you mean, not exactly? It may not be a fountain, but it’s where you drink water from, isn’t it?  That’s when she burst out laughing and said , “YES, YES, YES, why in the world did you place your cup in there?” I answered, “Because, that’s where you said to place it. You said, ‘Go around the corner, first door on the left, place your cup in the silver box, when you’re done, and I’ll get it.’  So, that’s what I did! I placed it in the silver box when I was done.”

Well, we all had a BIG laugh. We were laughing so hard that other staff members were coming to see what was going on.  Every time the story was told, we laughed even harder. After a few minutes of fun, everyone went back to their duties.  As I was standing at the window checking out,  Several staff members came back to say how much they appreciated the good laugh.  As one staff person said “We love our profession, but some days can be sad and hard to find something to laugh about. But it’s for sure, we’ll be remembering and laughing about this day for a long long time to come. So, thank you for peeing in our water cooler.”