Mark Your Calendars For Sunday

September 11th, 2018

Hurricane Florence is making this a stressful time for many of you. Be sure and read my message at the end of this newsletter.

Time to take a short laugh-break, and enjoy this week’s funnies.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


There’s a New Drug:
Doctor:  “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor:  “Every two hours.”


Missing:
I saw a poster with a picture of a cat, and it asked, “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and said, “No.”


Mark Your Calendar, Tell Your Friends:
If you are in the upstate area of South Carolina, mark your calendar for Sunday, September 16. This program is open to the public and will be at Wellford Baptist Church, in Wellford, SC. Fellowship with Finger Foods begins in the Social Hall at 5:00 pm and the show starts in the Sanctuary at 5:45 pm. We would love to see your smiling face in the audience. So, bring your friends, family, and loved ones. Let’s have fun laughing together!


Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
From my magic friend Tate:
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.’I’d like to be eight again.’ she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again’?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant my dress size, you moron!!!!’

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.


A Message From Glenn:
Many of you receiving this email will be affected by Hurricane Florence. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Whether you are planning to ride-it-out or you’re traveling away from it, please be safe before, during, and after this storm. It only takes a second to change the rest of your life.

Glenn Strange


I ain’t got much, but I got good ….

September 8th, 2018

As my Granddad would say, “I ain’t got much, but I got good credit.”

Enjoy this week’s funnies. Remember, please be careful …. you know how I worry.


Quote for Today:
“After working out, it takes 5 hours for the body temperature to return to normal. My body temperature has been normal for 35 years.” – Glenn Strange


At a Job Interview:
“Mr. Jones, what do you consider your greatest weakness?”

“Honesty.”

“Really? I don’t believe that is a weakness at all.”

“And I really don’t care about your stupid opinion!”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“We are continuing to receive compliments on Glenn’s family-oriented entertainment. His exceptional comedy is being repeated throughout the community.”
Barbara Treadway
Elizabethton Chamber of Commerce


Great Fun Audience Interaction
info@GlennStrange.com
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PPS – Your Bonus:
A few differences between dogs and cats.
1) Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2) Dogs look natural on a leash. Cats look silly on a leash.
3) When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.
4) Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.
5) A dog knows when you’re sad. And he’ll try to comfort you. Cats don’t care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.
6) Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.
7) When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won’t go at all.
8) Dogs will come when you call them. And they’ll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.
9) Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only things cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they’re in pain.
10) Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

Characterize yourself in …..

August 30th, 2018

Question:
My college professor asked me to characterize myself in five words.
“Quite lazy.”


Growing Up:
A small young lady in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the collection plates. She tugged on her father’s coat sleeve to get his attention, “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“This was my second time seeing Glenn’s show, and I enjoyed the show as much the second time as I did the first.”
        Ronald Pruett, Milliken​ Corp


Great Fun Audience Interaction
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A news reporter asked a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup, and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”

The reporter smiles: “Ah, I understand if you are sane you will take the bucket.”

The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”


 

What Do You Say …

August 16th, 2018

Question Answer:
Question:  What do you say when someone interrupts you?

Answer:  I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of your sentence


Good Dog:
One weekend morning, a wife says to her husband, “We’ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.”

Her husband replies, “Well, lots of dogs can do that.”

The wife responded, “But we’ve never subscribed to any!”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“Those that participated on the stage with you became somewhat of a conference celebrity and asked if anyone had pictures.”
      Barbara Lehew
      Carolinas Credit Union League


Tomorrow Night!
A fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter.
“Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018.
Get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door.
Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


 

PPS – Your Bonus:
A mafia boss finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place. The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court.When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!”

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where’s the money?”

Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again, or I’ll kill him!”

The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”

Guido trembles and signs back, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”

The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”

The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”


WARNING: Laughter Below

August 9th, 2018

Summer is near end and schools are starting up. Watch out for those big yellow school buses with the swinging “STOP SIGN”. They’re always surrounded by fast-moving excited kids. Please be careful …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Wilie 1, Teacher 0:
Teacher: This is the fourth time you’ve been late for school this week Willie! Do you know what that means?!
Little Willie: It means it’s Thursday.


Back To School:
Summer vacation was over and Little Sammy returned back to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait just a minute,” she said. “I had Sammy with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!; couldn’t you show me the same courtesy?”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“You were awesome! The planning committee members and I received rave reviews on your
presentation. Glenn, you are a meeting planner’s dream. You delivered and we looked good!”.
        Patricia Gisinger, Manager
       North Dakota Telephone Association


Get Your Tickets NOW!
This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
Little Johnny is continuously late for school and what’s worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why. The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.

The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late. Johnny says, “I was two hours early today, so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound Bass and had to take it home. If I didn’t clean it and freeze it, my mom would’ve been angry. That’s why I’m so late”.

The teacher promptly takes him to the principal’s office and explains the story to the principal. The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day. He says, “I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?”

Johnny replies, “Oh yeah, that’s my dog Sparky. That’s his third bear this week.”


You Can Detect Mental Disorders

August 2nd, 2018

Detecting Mental Disorders :
“Would you mind telling me, doctor,” Benny asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three voyages around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’

Benny thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess, I don’t know much about history.”


School’s Starting Soon:
Little Billy’s 2nd-grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
“Billy,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Billy says, “Yeah!”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Your act was refreshingly original and one of the funniest we have had ever seen. You will long be remembered as one of the top best performers to have graced Upstate Magic Fest.”
      James Batten
New York Upstate
Magi Fest


This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry.

“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.”

“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful, and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.
The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”

“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh, what was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle.”


Got a New Dog … Named Him …

July 26th, 2018

New Dog:
I got a new dog, and I named him Three-Miles. It sounds great to say I walk Three-Miles twice a day.


Kid and Kittens:
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. “How did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Your lively entertainment made all the difference for our guest. I will not hesitate to recommend your services to our clients and associates through the year.”
          Laura Rupnik, Director of Catering
          Chateau Elan


This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
FOR THE LADIES
While reading the sports section of the newspaper, Mike came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was known for his verbal abuse of his opponents and his low IQ.

“I’ll never understand,” he said to his wife, “why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replied, “Why, thank you, dear.”

It’s time to apply for your new ….

July 19th, 2018

Only 158 days until Christmas.  It’s time to apply for new credit cards. The more cards you use, the lower your required monthly payments will be. …. you’re welcome … have a great day.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Actual Newspaper Headlines:
Subscriber, J. Jenkins sheared this with us. Thank you.
1) Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops an 800-pound ball on his head
2) Miracle cure kills fifth patient
3) City unsure why the sewer smells


Farming:
A retired farmer decided to go back to school. He made an appointment with the dean of admissions at a university.
The dean asked him, “Are you pursuing a bachelor’s degree?”
The farmer replied, “I want to, but I can’t. I’m still married.”


Glenn’s Client Says:”

“Glenn’s comedy and magic show was just wonderful. It was received very enthusiastically by everyone in the audience from senior citizens to very young children.  Perfect entertainment for the family, or any type of gathering. We here at Covenant would highly recommend him and we look forward to booking Glenn again.”
         Mike StairCovenant
United Methodist Church
Charlotte, NC


I’m looking forward to being a part of this gathering of family entertainers in Pigeon Forge, TN.
The #1 Conference for Family Performers! Magician’s, Ventriloquists, Puppeteers, Storytellers, Clowns, Balloon Entertainers, and Variety Entertainers gather to learn from the top teachers in our industry, and network with like-minded performers. August 22-25, 2018.

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was? The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”


You Know You’re Lazy When …

July 12th, 2018

We’re on the down-hill side of summer.
Please be careful on your vacation, because someone you know and somebody you have yet to meet, loves you …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Wisdom and Nonsense:
1)  You know you’re lazy when you get excited about canceled plans.
2)  The first 50 years of marriage are the hardest.
3)  People said, “Follow your dreams”… so I went BACK TO BED!


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“I’ve asked people to give me their honest critique of our fundraiser. Without exception everyone polled and many more not asked have raved about you and the story you shared. If I lived two lifetimes, I could not thank you enough for your amazing show and your personal story.”
       Brandon Cox
Calvary Home for Children


Improving Events with Laughter


Call  864-439-1369
Are Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A Texas rancher goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer, and they start talking.

The Aussie shows the Texan a large wheat field and the Texan says. Oh, we have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.

They walk around a little, and the Australia shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have long horns that are at least as twice as large your cows.”

The conversation dies down until the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos moving across the field. “What are those?”, ask the Texan.

The Aussie replies, “What, you don’t have grasshoppers in Texas?”


Someone Told Me That …

June 28th, 2018

“Someone told me that Hawaii is farther south than Florida. That may be true, but I can drive to Florida.” – Glenn Strange

Be careful driving on your vacation …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Teaching Johnny:
Little Johnny was making faces at school. The teacher catches him at it and says, “You know when I was little and made faces, my dad told me a secret. And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally can’t go back and you end up really ugly.”

Little Johnny quiets and says, “Well, at least you were warned…”


The Farmer Says:
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Glenn Strange was awesome. So talented and hilarious … he hit everything just right … we loved it! We thank him for sharing his gift and for creating laughter!!”
      Catherine Sullivan
      Clemson Sports Medicine & Rehabilitation


Your Bonus:
First Grader’s Answers

A first-grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each child in her class the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.  While reading, keep in mind that these are just 6-year-olds.

1. Don’t change horses
….. until they stop.
2. Strike while the
….. bug is close.
3. It’s always darkest before
…. Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of
….. termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but.
…. how?
6. Don’t bite the hand that
…. looks dirty.
7. No news is
….. impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a
….. Mister.
9. You can’t teach an old dog new
…. math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll
… stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust
…. me.
12. The pen is mightier than the
…. pigs.
13. An idle mind is
…. the best way to relax.
14. Where there’s smoke there’s
….. pollution.
15. Happy the bride who
…..gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is
…… not much.
17. Two’s company, three’s
….. the Musketeers
18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what
…. you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
….. you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as
…. Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not
….. spanked or grounded.
22. If at first, you don’t succeed
…… get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you
…. see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind
…… get out of the way.
25. Better late than
….. pregnant.

Improving Events with Laughter


Call  864-439-1369
Are Just hit *Info*

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