Groundhog Day

February 1st, 2018

Only one more day until Groundhog Day. Just think, if January only had only 30 days, Groundhog Day would be on February 1.

Enjoy this week’s jokes.  Remember, laughter is a gift that must be shared.

Please be careful ….. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Tee Shirt Sayings:
1)  I could be a morning person… if morning happened at Noon.
2)  Lead me not into temptation… oh, heck, just follow me– I know a shortcut.
3)  I’m not arguing… I’m just explaining why I’m right!​


Boardgames:
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”


Specializing in

Making Events Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Your Bonus:
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, ‘I bet you don’t know what day this is?’

‘Of course, I do,’ he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office.

At 11 o’clock, the doorbell rang.  The wife answered, and there at her front door was a UPS driver, in his had was a box containing 12 red roses. Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door, this time it was a deluxe box of Belgian chocolates.

Eventually, the husband came home, tired after a hard day’s work.  His wife greeted him by saying: ‘First the flowers, then the chocolates, I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!’

Only 334 days left

January 25th, 2018

Only 334 days left to pay off last Christmas.

WARNING:  It’s that time of year. The roads may be slick …..  Please be careful…… you know how I worry. Now, read and enjoy the below jokes.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Exercise and Dieting:
1)  I don’t mean to brag but … I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
2)  I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web…
3)  My goal for 2018 is to lose just 10 pounds … only 15 to go ….


Home Security:
A man was very proud of his Pit-Bull dog; he would let him roam in his yard to prove to the neighborhood that his house was guarded and protected.

One day a woman knocked on his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”

Wondering how she had got past him, he said: “Yes why?”

She said, “I’m sorry, but my dog just killed your dog!”

“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog do you have?”

“A Chihuahua” Replied the woman.

“A Chihuahua? How could that little rat dog kill my big strong Pit-Bull?”

The woman replied, “It got stuck in his throat!”.


REMEMBER
An Overdose of Laughter Never Killed Anyone.​ Save Lives! Booking Glenn Strange For Your Next Event.​ Laughter is the Best Medicine.


Specializing in

Making Events Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Your Bonus:
An engineer, manager, and programmer were driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed, and the car careered down the road out of control. Halfway down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said, “To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution.”

The engineer said, “No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my toolkit here and we can take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it.”

The programmer said, “No, no, no, that’s all wrong. We should push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again.”

Little Known Credit Card Warning

January 18th, 2018

Only 431 days left to pay off this past Christmas.

Credit Card WARNING:  You could damage your tooth’s enamel when you use them like a toothpick …..  you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Fact, Question, Prayer:
!)  I don’t need anger management. I need obnoxious people to stop annoying me!
2) Why do I have to press one for English when they’re just gonna transfer to someone in a foreign country?
3) Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!


House Pets:
When people see a cat’s litter box, they always ask, ‘Oh, do you have a cat?’

Just once I want to say, ‘No, it’s for visitors!


REMEMBER
It’s cold and flu season. Drink lots of liquid, get plenty of rest, and book Glenn Strange for your next event. Laughter is the Best Medicine.​


Specializing in

Making Events Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
Thank you to R. Vinson for this weeks bonus funnyLast  Wednesday a rear seat passenger in a taxi heading Grand Central Station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments, everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaken driver said, “Are you OK? I’m so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.”

The  badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, “I didn’t realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle you so badly.”
The driver replied, “No, no, I’m the one who is sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for 25 years.”

Laugh Your Way To Good Health

January 11th, 2018

Thank goodness the temperatures have warmed up a little. My heat pump has run nonstop for days and its tongue is now hanging out. I did receive a “Thank You” card from my power company.

Please be careful …..  you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Home Alone:
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10-year-old little Johnny opens the door, holding a cup of coffee and smoking a cigar.

The salesman asked, “Young man is your mother home?”

Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What do you think?”


My Wife is so Negative:
I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.


A Comment From Glenn’s Client
“Our Annual Chamber of Commerce Dinner was a huge success and a great deal of the credit goes to Glenn Strange. He gave our members the perfect show. He provided good clean fun, great audience participation, amazing magic, and great comedy. It was excellent.”
           Victor W. Cross, President
Phenix City-Russell County Chamber of Commerce


Glenn Strange

Can Make Your Events Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:Four hunters were looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer’s yard. The driver Earl, went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on the farmer’s land.

The old farmer said, ‘Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? My old donkey standing over there is 20 years old and very sick. I don’t have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me, please?’

Earl replied, ‘Of course I will,’ and strolled back to the car. While walking back, however, Earl decided to play a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car, and when they asked if the farmer had said if it was alright, he said, ‘No, we can’t hunt here, but I’m going to teach that old fellow a lesson he won’t forget.’

With that, Earl rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and shot the donkey. As he shouted, ‘That’ll teach him,’ a second shot rang out from the passenger side, and one of his buddy yelled, ‘And me too, step on it Earl, I got the cow.’!”


 

Baby It’s Cold Outside

January 4th, 2018

This is no joke. I actually heard this on the TV news yesterday. It’s so Cold that the zoo has brought their penguins inside. Maybe they need to add a doggie door.

Please be careful …. it’s cold …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Scientific Study:
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,872,746,252 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read the actual number.


Handling Sexual Harassment:
A male student at a management business school came up to a girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?” asked the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”


Healthcare Saving
Book Comedian Magician Glenn Strange for your next event and reduce your healthcare cost. It’s a scientific fact: Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Make your next event the best one ever.


Don’t Miss “Three on a String”
When: Saturday, Jan 6, 2018
Where: Newberry Opera House
Time: 8:00 pm
Click Here For Tickets 
More Than Great Music
An event you will remember forever
Have fun laughing
And tell your friends about

PPS – Your Bonus:There was a father who called his five small children together.
As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle. He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.

He asked them “who is the most obedient?” Five sets of eyes looked up at him. Sensing that they didn’t understand the word he then asked, “ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?”

One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. “Okay, you win!” exclaimed the child.


 

The Best Jokes and Funny Stories of 2017

December 28th, 2017

Only 362 sleeps until Christmas 2018. So, there’s plenty of time to pay those nasty credit cards off and start all over again.

Helpful Money-Saving Tip: Without a receipt, it’s difficult to exchange that one-of-a-kind gift you don’t like. No need to stress! Just re-gift it. Problem solved!

Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.


Problem Solving:
After taxiing down the runway, the plane suddenly stopped, turned around, and returned to the gate. 2 hours later the plane finally took off. A worried passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was very concerned about the noise one of the engines was making,” explained the flight attendant, “and it took us a while to find another pilot.”


Game Time:
A young man was very excited because he won a ticket to the Super Bowl. When he arrived, his excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium.

As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field. He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken. The man replied, “No.” Amazed the young man asked, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?” The older gentleman responded, “That’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away.” “Oh, how sad,” the man said. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?” “No,” the man said, “They’re all at the funeral.”


Quotes:
1) “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner
2) “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
3) “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright


Frog Feets:
There was a scientist who was studying frogs. The scientist told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped, and he jumped 4 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 4 feet jumps 4 feet.

The scientist then cut off one leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 3 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 3 feet jumps 3 feet.

The scientist then cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 2 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 2 feet jumps 2 feet.

The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 1 foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 1 foot jumps 1 foot.

The scientist cut off the last leg. He told the frog jump, Jump, JUMP!

But the frog did not move. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with no legs goes deaf.


When Planning Your Event:
Remember: No one ever complains because you made them laugh. Every event should include a Time to Laugh. Book Your Laughter Today: Glenn Strange Comedy Magician.


Glenn Strange
Specializing in Making Events Fun
Book Glenn’s Show
Through Your Favorite Talent Agency, Speakers Bureau,
or Call His Office.
864-439-1369

Quote From Glenn’s Client:
“We have received compliments all week on Glenn Strange’s performance. Our guest left the event in a positive and cheerful mode, reminded of Glenn’s incredibly meaningful closure.”
       G. Currin
       Granville County Chamber of Commerce


Being a Teacher:The teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they’d do if they had a million dollars.
The next day Alex handed in a blank sheet of paper.
“Alex!” yelled the teacher, “you’ve done nothing. Why?”
“Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do!”


Students These Days:

Teacher:  “Johnny, I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.”
Johnny: “Life imprisonment”


New Neighbors:
Julia tells her husband, “James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?”

“Gosh,” James says, “why I hardly know the girl.”


Another Client Comment:
“Our members are still talking about how much they enjoyed Glenn. He’s absolutely one of the best choices for entertainment. He has a gift of “reading” the audience and putting that to his advantage while making us laugh till we cry!”
Rodney Graham
Brushy Creek Baptist Church
Easley, SC


You Can’t Hide Money:
A guy driving an old Kia pulled up to a stoplight next to a brand new Rolls-Royce.

He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. Did you get a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Kia!”

The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, “Yes, I have a phone.”

The driver of the Kia said, “Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I’ve got one in the back seat of my Kia!”

The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”

The driver of the Kia said, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Kia!”

The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, “Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”

The driver of the Kia said, “Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Kia!”

The driver of the Rolls upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Kia. He drove around all day and finally found the Kia late that night.

It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Kia. When there wasn’t any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Kia lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Kia looked at him narrowly and said, “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!”


3 Ponders to Ponder:
1) Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
2) All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3) Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


The Reason:
A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.

He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight. He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the 1st bottle swearing, “You’re the reason I fight with my wife”.

He smashed the 2nd bottle, “You’re the reason my children don’t speak to me”.

He smashed the 3rd bottle, “You’re the reason I don’t have a decent job”.

When he took the 4th bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for a moment and said, “You stand aside. I know you were not involved”.


Be a Man:
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be THE Man of Your House”. Finding new courage that he never knew he had, he stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is the ‘Law.’ You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, bring it to me, and when I am done eating my meal, you will clear the dishes and serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and you will do as I want! Afterward, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will put on soothing music, wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. You will massage my feet and hands to relieve any last bit of tension so that I can sleep like a baby. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?

The wife replied, “The funeral director would be my first guess unless I decide to have you cremated.”


Healthcare:
A man came to the clinic to have an MRI. He was put into the machine by a very young female technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman.

The man remarked, “How long was I in there?”


Speeding on Main:
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man said, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet!!!” snapped the officer. “…or I’m going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But officer, I just wanted to say….”

“And I said KEEP QUIET! Now you’re going to jail!”

A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” said the man in the cell. “I’m the groom!”


Another Client Comment:
“I just had the privilege of listening and seeing Glenn Strange and his comic magic performance. I recommend him to anyone … what an awesome performance he did tonight. Truly a lot of laughter, a lot of fun, a lot of people had a great time. He would be appropriate for any type of an event.”
Brain Mixson
First Baptist Church
Fountain Inn, SC


Greek Mythology:
The teacher asked: “What was the name of the person in Greek mythology who was half man and half animal?”
Billy raised his hand. “Yes?” the teacher acknowledged.
“Buffalo Bill,” replied Billy.


The Inheritance:
Two friends met in the street. One looked sad and almost on the verge of tears. The other man asked, “Hey my man, how come you look like the whole world has caved in?”

The sad fellow said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me 50-thousand dollars.”

“That’s not bad at all…!”

“Hold on, I’m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked-the-bucket and left me 95-thousand, tax-free to boot.”

“Well, that’s great! I’d like that.”

“Last week, my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a million.”

“So why are so glum?”

“This week – nothing!”


The Lumberjack:
A large, well-established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his ax, and knocked on the head lumberjack’s door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

“Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,” said the skinny man.

“Okay, see that giant redwood over there?” said the lumberjack.

“Take your ax and go cut it down.”

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack’s door. “I cut the tree down,” said the man.

The lumberjack couldn’t believe his eyes and said, “Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?”

“In the Sahara Forest,” replied the puny man.

“You mean the Sahara Desert,” said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, “Oh sure, that’s what they call it now!”


Another Client Comment:
“You were awesome! The planning committee members and I received rave reviews on your
presentation. Glenn, you are a meeting planner’s dream. You delivered and we looked good!”.
Patricia Gisinger, Manager
North Dakota Telephone Association


Bits of Wisdom:
1)  My idea of a balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
2)  Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
3)  The way some people find fault, you’d think there was some kind of reward.


Bank Business:
The loans officer says the bank will need security for a $10,000 loan, so the man hands over the keys and documents of his new Rolls Royce, parked the nearby bank’s parking lot. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground secure garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns and repays the $10,000, plus interest, which is $25.08. The loans officer says: “We are delighted to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. You have a good-sized, harbourside mansion, a sizeable equity portfolio and no debt at all. We are curious as to why you would bother to borrow $5000?”

The man replied: “Where else in New York City, can I park my car safely for two weeks for $25?”


Bits of Wisdom:
1)  Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
2)  Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
3)  Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press “Ctrl Alt Delete” and start all over?


School Days:
1) “Well, Johnny, how did your school report card turn out?“ asks the mother.
“Come on mom; the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“

2) Patty had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

3) Teacher: “How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?”
Suzy: “I get up early!”


Taxi Ride:
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Fred.’

Passenger: ‘Who?’

Cabbie: ‘Fred Freeman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Fred Freeman every single time.’

Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’

Cabbie: ‘Not Fred Freeman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.’

Passenger: ‘Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: ‘There’s more… He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Fred Freeman, he could do everything right.’

Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Fred, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she were in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Fred Freeman.’

Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’

Cabbie: ‘Well, I never actually met Fred, he died.

I married his widow’.


Another Client Comment:
“It might have been the best convention we’ve ever had (for numerous reasons) and Glenn was a
perfect ending. Clean, funny, great magic tricks – our folks raved about him to me following his
performance. Highly recommended. Don’t hesitate to use me as a reference.”
Mike Washko
Virginia Forest Products Association


Have a Great 2018!!


 

Share the Laughter

December 21st, 2017

Only 4 sleeps until Christmas. I’m excited.

HEALTH WARNING: Doctors warn that Christmas trees can make you sick.  I can believe that because Hallmark Christmas Stories make me ill.  Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Christmas Quotes:
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas”. – Kin Hubbard

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“When you stop believing in Santa you get underwear.” – Unknown

“I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” – Steven Wright

“If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.” – Author Unknown

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.”
– Author Unknown


When Choosing Entertainment:
Remember:
No one will ever complain because you made them laugh too much.
Glenn Strange Comedy Magician, now booking for 2018.


Coming To Newberry Opera House
Saturday, Jan 6, 2018
“Three on a String”
Start your New Year off with laughter. A performance you’ll never forget and you’ll be talking about for years to come. Don’t miss “Three on a String”, You will laugh have fun and hear great music. Yes, there are 4 of them, where there was once 3. They’re better at music and comedy than they are math. Come and hear the rest of the story. Clean Fun Entertainment for the whole family. Newberry Opera House, Newberry, SC, Saturday, Jan 6, 2018. CLICK HERE for ticket information. The above picture was made at Lyric Theatre, in Birmingham, AL.

PPS – Your Bonus:All I Needed to Know About Life I learned from Santa
1) Encourage people to believe in you.
2) Always remember who’s naughty and who’s nice.
3) Don’t pout.
4) It’s as much fun to give as it is to receive.
5) Some days it’s ok to feel a little chubby.
6) Make your presents known.
7) Always ask for a little bit more than what you really want.
8) Bright red can make anyone look good.
9) Wear a wide belt and no-one will notice how many pounds you’ve gained.
10) If you only show up once a year, everyone will think you’re very important.
11) Whenever you’re at a loss for words, say: “HO, HO, HO!”


 

Only 11 Sleeps Until Christmas

December 14th, 2017

Only 11 sleeps until Christmas. If today, you bought a dozen Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and ate one per day, your last doughnut would be eaten the day after Christmas. Plus, it would probably make you sick.

HEALTH WARNING: Doughnuts should be eaten within two days of the “Hot Light”.  Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Grandma Wisdom:
One Christmas, a mother, decided she was not going to remind her kids to send thank you notes. Because of that, the kids’ grandmother did not receive any thank notes for the Christmas checks she sent to the kids.

The next Christmas, all the grandkids stopped by in person to thank their grandmother for their checks.

Grandmother’s neighbor noticed and asked, “What caused this change in behavior?” The grandmother replied, “Simple. This year I didn’t sign their checks.”


The Christmas Wish:
When a father asked his five-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, the son replied, “A baby sister.”

As it turned out, the wife was pregnant and delivered on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day she brought home a brand new baby sister for their son.

The next year, the father asked his young son what he was thinking about for Christmas. The son said, “If it wouldn’t make mommy too uncomfortable, I’d like a pony.”


When Choosing Entertainment:
Remember: No one will complain because you made them laugh too much.


Photo From Backstage
Making Lighting Adjustments
A Special
“Thank You”
A special “Thank You” to Three on a String, and the Lyric Theater staff, and technical crews for making the Three on a String – Home for Christmas – Laughing All The Way Concert a huge sellout success. Hundreds of hours of planning and preparation went into presenting an event that ran flawlessly.  The two-hour concert included “Three on a String”, “Something Else Trio”, “The Warblers”, and “Glenn Strange”.

PPS – Your Bonus:A man walked into a doctor’s waiting room and asked if could see the doctor. The receptionist was hesitant to let him in, especially as it was Christmas Eve and she was waiting to turn off the Christmas lights in the waiting room and go home; but he was very insistent.

The Doctor, having had completed all his consultations for the day and feeling in a ‘good will to men’ mood, agreed to see him.

The man entered in a somewhat aimless manner and after some hesitation flopped into a chair and looked nervously around the room.

“How can I help you?” asked the doctor.

“Well, it’s like this,” said the man. “I keep thinking I’m a moth.”

“A moth?”

“Yes,” the man replied. “I’m convinced that I’m a moth.”

“Well I’m very sorry, but you’re in the wrong place. What you need is a psychiatrist”.

“That’s what I’ve been thinking” replied the man.

“Well, as it happens, I know just the man.” said the doctor “I’ll give him a call and see if he can fix an appointment for you after the holiday.”
The man agreed, and the doctor made the appointment.

“Tell me,” said the doctor “It must have been very apparent from the sign outside that I’m a general practitioner. So if you already know you need to see a psychiatrist, why did you come in?”

“Well,” the man said in a resigned voice “The door was open, and the lights were on …..”.


 

Christmas Laughs

December 7th, 2017

Only 18 more sleeps until Christmas.
Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Questions:
“Q” How do you know Santa has to be a man?
“A” No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

“Q”  What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
“A” It’s Christmas, Eve!

“Q”  What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
“A” The letter “D”!


Pick One:
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer, and Santa Claus all got into the elevator of the hotel. As the elevator traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, they noticed a $100 bill lying on the elevator floor. Which one picked up the $100 bill, and turned it into the hotel receptionist?

Santa Claus, the other two don’t exist.​


Make Your Event the Best
It’s a scientific fact: Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. So, hire Comedian Magician Glenn Strange for your next event and reduce sadness, fuss fights, and related medical expenses.​


Lyric Theater Birmingham
Only a Few Tickets Left
The Good News Is:
Not a Bad Seat In The House
Three on a String – Home for Christmas:
The Warblers
Something Else Trio
Glenn Strange

December 12, Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com.

PPS – Your Bonus:Three weeks before Christmas, little Johnny asked his mother if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Johnny, having just played a major role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. Johnny went to his room and wrote ‘ Dear Jesus, I’ve been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.’ But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So, he decided to try again, and this time he wrote ‘Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.’ He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either. He tried a third version. ‘Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.’ He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time, he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary on the front lawn. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. ‘Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you’d better send me a new bike.’


 

Lyric Theatre, Dec 12, Be There!

November 30th, 2017

Christmas a Comin:  Only 25 more sleeps.

SAFETY DRIVING TIPIt must be a law because people start driving crazy on Black Friday and continue until New Year’s day. Please watch for them …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


What to Say:
Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don’t Like
10. Hey! There’s a gift!
9. Now, I have something to wear when I shop at Wal-Mart.
8. If I had not just gained 15 pounds, this would fit perfectly.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. What an ideal gift, and it’s fireproof.
5. If my dog destroys this, I’ll be furious!
4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. It is true. It is better to give than to receive.
1. You shouldn’t have, I really don’t deserve this.


The Perfect Gift:
A man bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, his best friend ask, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles?”

“She did,” he replied. “But no one sells a fake Jeep?”


Make Your Event the Best
Not everyone loves to dance, but everyone loves to laugh. Plan your next special event around Quality Professional Clean Comedy. Go to GlennStrange.com and look at the type audiences Glenn’s performed for.


Less Than 70 Tickets Available
Show Will SELL OUT
Three on a String – Home for Christmas: Laughing all the Way! With The Warblers! Something Else Trio! and myself. December 12, at the beautiful 750 seat, Lyric Fine Arts Theatre, in Birmingham, AL. Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com.

PPS – Your Bonus:Sally, a lady about 50 years old walked up and sat on Santa’s lap.

So, Santa smiled and asked, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’

‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Sally.

‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What do would you like me to bring her?’

Without hesitation, Sally replied, ‘A rich son-in-law.’


 

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