In Case of Fire

September 7th, 2017

Please, remember to share laughter with the people you care about each and every day.

Safety Reminder: In case of fire. Exit the building before posting it on Facebook. Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Wisdom Bits:
1) If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
2) A lot of people become pessimists from financing optimists.
3) Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


Fishing:
“Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an older man fishing in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The older man replied, “You’re the eighth.”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“I have received multiple calls and texts from our group stating this was the best party ever. That is thanks to you …..”
       Shelley Sanoulis
Spectra Colorants, Inc

 

 



25 or 2500 People
What’s the Key to Making
Your Event a Success?
“EVERYONE LAUGHING
TOGETHER”

Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard.

“Sand,” said the cyclist.

“Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. “Say, friend, you sure had us crazy,” said the guard. “We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won’t say a word – but what is it you were smuggling?” “Bicycles!” ​


Laughter’s Free and It Feels Good

August 31st, 2017

Today is August 31. Imagine if the month of August only had 30 days, today would be September 1.

There’s only, 63 days until Halloween, 86 days until Thanksgiving, and 118 days until Christmas.

Safety Reminder: Hug your kids at home, but belt them in the car.  Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Wisdom Bits:
1) To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as being right in doing it.
2) The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.
3) The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment they can tolerate.


What Does a …..:
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
“Why does it work?”
What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask?
“How does it work?”
What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask?
“How much will it cost?”
What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask?
“Do you want fries with that?”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Your magic and comedy appealed to both children and adults, and that made the evening a tremendous success.”
        Doris Hydrick
Alabama Manufactured Housing Institute​



What’s the Key to Making
Your Event a Success?
“EVERYONE LAUGHING
TOGETHER”

Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:Husband – “Hello?”
Wife – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
Husband – “Yes.”
Wife – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
Husband –“What’s the price?”
Wife – “Only $1,500.00.”
Husband – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
Wife – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models.  I saw one I really liked.  I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me an excellent price…and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
Husband – “What price did he quote you?”
Wife – “Only $75,000…”
Husband – “OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.”
Wife – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”
Husband – “What?”
Wife – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year.  It’s on sale!!  Remember?  The one with a pool, English Garden, an acre of park area, beachfront property.”
Husband – “How much are they asking?” Wife – “Only 4.5 million – a magnificent price…”
Husband – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid 4.2 million. OK?”
Wife – “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
Husband – “Bye…I love u too…” The man hangs up, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Laugh Time

August 24th, 2017

Today, August 24, is “National Waffle Day”. Let’s go to the Waffle House and eat a waffle. If you don’t like waffles, there’s always something entertaining happening at the Waffle House. If you don’t believe me, Google waffle house, crazy, and see what pops up.

Speaking of the “Waffle House”.  Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


On the Positive Side:
The parents were very disappointed in the grades their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” said the father, “is that during his exams I know for sure he never cheated.”


Quote to Remember:
“There is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity; intelligence has its limits.”​ – Albert Einstein​


Quote from Glenn’s Client

“Thanks for an outstanding performance. I appreciate you making me look so good! Rest assured, we will certainly recommend Glenn Strange to others for their functions.”
      Scott Ledford
General Shale Products, LLC​



Clean Comedy Entertainment
Make Your Event Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:A wealthy man met a beggar on the street. The beggar pleaded to the wealthy man to give him a dollar to buy something to eat.

“You poor fellow,” said the wealthy man. “Come with me, and I’ll buy you a drink.”

“Actually, I don’t drink. But I would like something to eat.”

“Here, my friend. Take one of my Cuban cigars,” the wealthy man urged.

“Sorry, sir,” said the homeless man. “I don’t smoke.”

“Very well, then come with me to the casino! I’ll put up your stake, and perhaps you’ll win enough to get your life back on track.”

“I don’t gamble either, sir. But I would still very much like a bite to eat.”

“You want to eat?” asked the wealthy man. “Alright, come home with me and have dinner with my family.”

“That’s very kind of you, sir. Thank you!”

“Not at all,” replied the wealthy man. “I just want my wife to see what happens to a man that doesn’t drink, smoke, or gamble.”

The Eclipse is Coming & School is Starting

August 15th, 2017

Not only do you get three funnies, but this week’s BONUS is a link that will answer your solar eclipse questions.

SAFETY WARNING: Schools are starting their new year. Remember: Where there are stopped school buses, there are fast moving children. Please be careful ….. I do worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


School Days:
1) “Well, Johnny, how did your school report card turn out?“ asks the mother.
“Come on mom; the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“

2) Patty had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

3) Teacher: “How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?”
    Suzy: “I get up early!”


Lunch Time:
A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes, the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”​


Drop Out:
Tommy dropped out of school, and his buddy asked: “Why?”
“I got discouraged, that’s all. I failed every subject except geography.”
“Every subject except geography? How do you explain that?”
“I didn’t take geography!”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“We have received compliments all week on Glenn Strange’s performance. Our guest left the event in a positive and cheerful mode, reminded of Glenn’s incredibly meaningful closure.”
    Ginnie Currin
Granville County Chamber of Commerce



Clean Comedy Entertainment
Laughing is Fun For Everyone
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:Solar Eclipse Answers:
On Monday August 21, a solar eclipse will cut across the entire United States. And wherever you are, you will be able to see it. Even though the “totality” — the area where the sun is completely blocked out by the moon — is only 70 miles wide, the whole country (even Alaska and Hawaii) will experience a partial eclipse.
CLICK HERE for more interesting details:


 

Almost Weekly Funnies

August 10th, 2017

This week, I’m in Pigeon Forge, TN, taking part in a family entertainers conference. I’m honored to be a part of this conference where performers from all parts of the world gather for a full week to share, learn, and improve.

Today, August 10, is “National Lazy Day”. I’m not really sure how one celebrates a day set aside to honor laziness. I guess you just remain stagnant for 24 hours. I’ll call my brother-in-law and ask him. He’s an expert.

SAFETY WARNING: According to a report from “Public Health England”, inactivity and laziness kills as many people as smoking does. Next thing you know, our government will require “Warning Labels” on couches. Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Bits of Wisdom:
1)  Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
2)  Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
3)  Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press “Ctrl Alt Delete” and start all over?


A Sense of Humor:
The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.

When the boss noticed that he wasn’t getting a reaction from Mike, the boss ask, “What’s the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?”

“My sense of humor is fine,” he said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m quitting tomorrow.”​



Clean Comedy Entertainment
Laughing is Fun For Everyone
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

Quote from Glenn’s Client
“I have received many, many favorable comments about Glenn’s unique blend of magic and humor. I will gladly provide recommendations to those considering Glenn’s show for meetings and other company functions.”
   K McDowell
Barnett​ Company


Farmer Says:
A farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. “One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked one curious visitor.

“When the cows are standing,” the farmer explained, “it means no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hours. When they’re lying down, it means it’s going to rain.”

“On our bus trip,” another visitor piped in, “I saw half the herd standing and the other half lying down. What does that mean?”

The farmer answered, “That means half of them are wrong.”

A Time To Laugh

August 3rd, 2017

August 3, is “National Watermelon Day”. So, take a watermelon to lunch.

SAFETY WARNING: Watermelons are 91.5% water. So, if you’re planning to travel across a desert, you should take watermelons with you. Remember, they’re hard to carry because they don’t have handles. …..  you know how I worry.


Bits of Wisdom:
1)  My idea of a balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
2)  Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
3)  The way some people find fault, you’d think there was some kind of reward.


First Date:
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone, so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

Just has he had planned his phone rang at 8:15. He told his date, “Please forgive me; I must take this call.” When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “Mine was scheduled to die at 8:35.”​​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Thanks a million-jillion-gazillion times for the superb performance ….!!!
We have never gotten that kind of positive response from our student body… EVER!!! You certainly were the
right man, with the right cause, at the right time… for all the right reasons!!!”
      M. Walker
Department of Juvenile Justice​


PPS – Your Bonus:

Bank Business
The loans officer says the bank will need security for a $10,000 loan, so the man hands over the keys and documents of his new Rolls Royce, parked the nearby bank’s parking lot. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground secure garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns and repays the $10,000, plus interest, which is $25.08. The loans officer says: “We are delighted to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. You have a good-sized, harbourside mansion, a sizeable equity portfolio and no debt at all. We are curious as to why you would bother to borrow $5000?”

The man replied: “Where else in New York City, can I park my car safely for two weeks for $25?”


Worry Free Clean Comedy
Everyone Remembers Laughing
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

Your Laugh Break For Today

August 2nd, 2017

My neighbor’s got a drone and my dog’s got anxiety. I’m just waiting until the day they collide.

I hope your summer’s off to a good start with lots of family laughter and happy memories coming your way.

Enjoy this week’s funnies and remember to be safe traveling. Especially, in the highway construction areas.

You know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


Musical Jokes:

Q: What’s the range of an accordion?
A: About twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm!.”

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it’s electrified.

“I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I’ve been arrested three times for practicing.” – Steven Wright


Ask An Expert:

A man went to the Police Station demanding to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”


PSS – Your Bonus Funny:

A guy driving an old Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a brand new Rolls-Royce.

He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. Did you get a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, “Yes, I have a phone.”

The driver of the Yugo said, “Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I’ve got one in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”

The driver of the Yugo said, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, “Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”

The driver of the Yugo said, “Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night.

It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn’t any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Glenn Strange did an excellent job for the Employees’ Service Banquet. We will be glad to recommend his performance for any group needing good, clean entertainment.”
       Wade Bowman, Manager
Coats American



Looking for Clean Professional Comedy?
Call
864-439-1369
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Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
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Take a Minute to Laugh

July 30th, 2017

June 15th is National Smile Power Day.  This is a day for everyone to share the power of the smile.

Your smile cost you nothing but can be priceless to those that care about you.

Remember: Worn tires make all roads dangerous. Replace your tires before you hear the sound of breaking glass ….. you know how I worry.


Nonsense:

1) You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.
2) Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
3) Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Traffic Signs:

A cop pulls over a car with 5 nuns on their way to an out of town meeting.
Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?”
Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.”
Cop: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.

Quote from Glenn’s Client
“The response from everyone has been overwhelmingly positive. We are still laughing at some of your jokes and the sight of our distinguished administrator on stage with you.”
        Debra Hancock, Rn, CNN
Dialysis Clinics, Inc.


Everyone Enjoys Clean Comedy
Call   864-439-1369
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Understanding Why

Aman woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.

He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight. He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the 1st bottle swearing, “You’re the reason I fight with my wife”.

He smashed the 2nd bottle, “You’re the reason my children don’t speak to me”.

He smashed the 3rd bottle, “You’re the reason I don’t have a decent job”.

When he took the 4th bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for a moment and said, “You stand aside. I know you were not involved”.


Time For Your Laugh Break

July 29th, 2017

Because of June 22, being “National Onion Ring Day”, your bonus this week in a mouth-watering fried onion ring recipe.

Remember: It only takes a second to change someone’s life. Keep your little ones and yourself safe. Use the back burners for cooking and turn your pot and pan handles away from the edge of the stove. ….. you know how I worry.


Wisdom:
1)  If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2)  Age is a high price for maturity.
3)  Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.


Shopping:
A 56-year-old man walked into a hardware store.
Clerk:  “May I help you find something?”
Man:  “How about my misspent youth.”
Clerk: “Oh, we keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”


Lost Wife:
Husband: My wife’s missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff:  Height?
Husband:  I’m not sure.  A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff:  Weight?
Husband:  She won’t tell me. She’s not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff:  Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think.  Never really noticed.
Sheriff:  Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year, not sure. I can’t remember.
Sheriff:  What was she wearing?
Husband:  Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt. I don’t know exactly.
Sheriff:  What kind of car did she go in?
Husband:  She went in my truck.
Sheriff:  What kind of truck was it?
Husband:  A pearl white, 2016 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching bed cover. Leather seats and Weather Tech floor mats. Trailering package with a sunroof (never been opened), GPS navigation, 8 cup holders, a USB port, and 4 power outlets. Special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a large scratch on the driver’s door.
At this point, the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it, easy sir, we’ll find your truck!


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“What a great show!  Everyone’s still talking about Glenn’s incredible performance.  He mystified, entertained us, and kept us laughing too hard.”
S. Cash
        The Parnell-Martin Companies


Everyone Enjoys Clean Comedy
Call   864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PSS – Your Bonus Onion Ring Recipe:Serves 4 people
INGREDIENTS:
1) Two Large Onions
2) One cup all-purpose flour
3) Two cups buttermilk
4) One tablespoon sugar
5) One teaspoon baking powder
6) Half teaspoon salt
7) Peanut oil
DIRECTIONS:
1) Cut onions into 1/2-inch slices, and separate into rings.
2) Set aside.
3) Whisk together flour and next 4 ingredients until smooth.
4) Pour 2″ depth oil into a Dutch oven (heavy cooking pot); heat to 375°.
5) Dip onion rings in batter, coating well.
6) Fry, a few rings at a time, until golden.
7) Drain on paper towels.
8) Serve immediately.


 

Time For A Laugh Break

July 28th, 2017

June 29, is National Camera Day. George Eastman did not invent the camera, but he did improve the use, ease, and production of the camera, making it available to the world. I just discovered that I can actually make phone calls with my camera. Amazing!


July 4 Fun Facts:
1)  Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson served on the committee that picked the eagle for the national seal (Franklin wanted the turkey).
2)  Bald eagles have few natural enemies and live only in North America.
3)  Bald eagles get their white head and tail feathers about 4/5 years of age.
4)  Bald eagles are not, and never were bald. The term comes from when “bald” meant “white-headed”.
5)  Their maximum speed: 40 mph or over 100 mph while in a dive.
6)  Bald eagles mate for life, but if one dies, the survivor will accept a new mate.
7)  The only other kind of eagle in North America is the golden eagle.
8)  They can lift roughly half their body weight.
9)  The Bald Eagle is no longer considered endangered, and now only threatened.
10) It is a felony to shoot an eagle.


4th of July & Barbeque:
A man was out for a walk one day, and on his travels, he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.

“This is no ordinary pig,” said the farmer. “For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire department and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!”

“And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned – knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire.”

The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said: “Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?”

“Well,” said the farmer “when you’ve got a pig as good as that, you don’t eat him all at once!”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Glenn’s combination of magic and comedy made our celebration a huge success.  People are still talking about his “Mind Reading Kit.”
      James Harlan
Eastman Kodak


Humorous & Thought Provoking Quotes of Benjamin Franklin (1705-1790)
1) “Some are weather-wise, some are otherwise.”
2) “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.”
3) “Fish and visitors smell in three days.”
4) “Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.”
5) “Well done is better than well said.”
6) “There never was a good war nor a bad peace.”
7) “Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
8)  “Where there’s marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. ”
9)  “Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What’s a sundial in the shade?”
10) “Little strokes fell great oaks.”


Everyone Enjoys Clean Comedy
Call   864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

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