40 Reasons To Be Happy

March 2nd, 2014

Happy People:
1. Are More Productive
2. Are Healthier
3. Are Fun to be Around
4. Think Clearly
5. Make Better Decisions
6. Make Decisions Quickly
7. Correct Bad Decisions and Move Forward
8. Enjoy More Success in Life
9. Experience a Better Quality Life
10. Have Better Problem Solving Skills
11. Maintain a Well-balanced Lifestyle
12. Have Great Social Lives
13. Know Their Purpose in Life
14. Are Energetic
15. Are Creative
16. Are Trusting
17. Have Positive Self-Image
18. Are Responsive
19. Keep Friends
20. Make Friends Quickly
21. Make Better Leaders
22. Feel Good on the Inside
23. Live Longer
24. Have Successful Relationships
25. Endure Pain Better
26. Endure Sad Times Better
27. Have Happy Families
28. Have Self Control
29. Have Higher Job Productivity
30. Receive Higher Pay
31. Have Less Depression
32. Handle Stress Better
33. Have Better Comprehension Skills
34. Make Others Feel Important
35. Think Positively
36. Act Positively
37. Are Winners
38. Have Goals
39. Encourage Others
40. Are Team Players

 Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

To Read Other Fun Glenn Strange Blog Post Click Here

I Took My Dog’s Medication

February 10th, 2014

Help! My brain has fallen and it can’t get up. Just this past week I managed to take my dog Buster’s medication. 

Each morning, I lay-out, on the kitchen counter all my daily pills (many vitamins and 3 prescriptions). As I’m listening to the morning radio news, I stand at the counter, I swallow one or two pills at a time, in between bites of my morning toast, Pop-Tart, or whatever (I take vitamins in order to eat unhealthy). One morning, I decided to multitask and I also laid Buster’s daily pill to the right side of my pill pile.  In order to trick Buster into taking his daily medication, I must hide his pill in either a small piece of bread, a piece of cheese, or a bit of peanut butter.  That morning, after finishing my last bite of toast,  I walked over to the refrigerator for a small piece of cheese in which to hide Buster’s pill. When I return to the counter, to wrap Buster’s pill with cheese, I discovered his pill was gone. Yep, I had included Buster’s pill as part of my pill pile and swallowed it along with my toast. 

I’m not sure, but later that afternoon I may have killed 2 backyard azaleas. Have to wait till springtime to know for sure.

If you cannot view video, click here:

Inconveniently Serving You

February 2nd, 2014

There 5 United States Post Offices located around my home, all within a 15 minute drive. But, to avoid standing in slow moving lines with people buying money orders to send US dollars back to their homeland, I decided to go to the USPS.com website and order a roll of 100, $0.49/forever stamps.

Another reason for doing online stamp shopping is because of the wonderful inconvenient window hours that each of these post offices offer. They open bright and early at 10:00am, then after 3 long hours, they close for lunch between 1:00pm and 2:00pm, and then re-open for 2 hours, between 2:00 and 4:00 pm. That’s a grand total of 5 hours per day, 20 hours per week. Oh, I forgot to mention they do open their windows for 1 hour on Saturday, between 10:00 and 11:00am. So, that’s 21 hours per week that the windows are open to offer their customers quality service.

As I was saying, I went online and ordered 100 stamps. So, I’m spending $49.00 to purchase stamps and at checkout they add on $1.30 for shipping. Now, you would think, that they would say, “Look, you’re one of our loyal customers, you’ve been faithfully buying our stamps for years. We stop by your house almost everyday …. bringing you credit card applications, wonderful junk mail, and your bills. Since it’s not out of our way, there’s no real reason for you to pay us a $1.30 to deliver something that requires no additional effort on our part. So, just pay the $49.00 and forget about the $1.30 shipping.” At least that’s what most respectable businesses would say.

A Day A The Office

A Day A The Office

Breaking Marketing Rules

January 31st, 2014

It’s interesting how the experts say a successful marketing campaign must include things like the products benefits, how the product will solve the client’s problems, define your unique selling proposition, and end with a call to action. Well, this years Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch) Super Bowl Commercial seems to march to the beat of a different drummer. Does not matter if you’re a beer customer or not, you will remember this commercial and the product. Click Here if you can’t see video:

Poor Customer Service

January 26th, 2014

I wasted at least 30 minutes in this restaurant’s restroom, and no one …… not a single McDonald’s employee came in to wash my hands. You’d think a major fast-food chain with a menu item called “Happy Meal” would understand the importance of keeping their customers happy. Just another example of improperly trained employees and poor customer service. When I complained to the manager, he looked me straight in the eyes like I was the idiot.

Customer Service

Unexpected Government Shut Down Effects

October 1st, 2013

After Pop-Tart number 2, I realized the toaster-oven timer had stopped working. Evidently a result of the government shut-down. WARNING: Pop-Tarts are flammable.
PopTart

Britain’s Perfect Stimulus Storm

July 18th, 2013

BREAKING NEWS – Kate Middleton has not missed her due date. It’s a well orchestrated lie. The American news media is all concerned as to why the Duchess of Cambridge has gone past her July 13, due date. Think about it for a minute. It’s so simple, it’s easily overlooked. It’s all a part of the royal families way of boosting their countries suffering economy. It’s the perfect stimulus plan.

Remember way back in the seventeen hundreds, it was high taxes that resulted in the first Tea Party. We all know how the British’s will tax anything that’s moving, standing, or said. The clever British have done it to us again. Not only America, but to the entire world. They announced a way early due date of July 13, 2013, for the royal baby. Today is July 18, and the world is still waiting. They knew every country in the world would be sending news representatives to cover the big day. Foreigners with unlimited expense accounts, staying in Britain’s most expensive hotels, eating at the finest restaurants, and sightseeing.

The fictitious early due date has caused thousands of foreign news media representatives to extend their stay and spend more money. Even better for Britain, this is all foreign money. Not local money, but new money pouring into their economy.

In addition, the news media coverage is promoting England to the entire world and enticing thousands of tourist to make plans to travel to their country for months and even years into the future. This is better than a hour long feature special on the Travel Channel. This is a “no-cost” marketing and advertising plan that’s generating millions of new dollars (or pounds) to Britain’s economy. And, it’s all taxed, over and over again.

The British have taken an event, that cost them absolutely nothing and created the perfect economical recovery storm for their country. America may have won the revolution, but the British have figured a way to continue taxing us and we American’s are excited to be a part. After all, everyone loves a new baby …. especially if it’s born with an English accent.

british

Finding the Funny in Golf

July 13th, 2013

I can remember way back when I was a kid, golf was considered a wealthy man’s game. A game that was for the above average intelligent successful people in the community.

No golf courses were opened to the general public.  They were all private and part of an exclusive country club. In our area only doctors, lawyers, and corporate executives played the game.  With the exception of ministers, priest, and rabbi’s that were allowed to play golf free every Monday.  That was the slow day at the golf course, and the time they scheduled all their lawn care, maintenance, and improvements. There were never any complaints because of lawn equipment interrupting someone’s game or effecting their scores.  The club owners and managers knew these gentlemen were held to a higher standard in the community, and would do nothing to damage their reputation. You know, like cussing out loud, throwing clubs, or using inappropriate hand gestures.

My-o-my, how things have changed.  Golf course maintenance is now conducted everyday of the week, with no such thing as FREE Monday golf for community ministers, priest, and rabbi’s.  They pay, they play, and they’re allowed to cuss out loud, throw clubs, or make inappropriate hand gestures.  Golf is no longer considered a game limited to just the highly intelligent wealthy successful people.  Made in China golf clubs are cheap and now any poor idiot can play. That includes the average destructive, property damaging, drunks, and/or the mental deficient American citizen.

To prove what I’m saying, Watch, Laugh, and Enjoy this Funny Golf Video.  The song makes it even more funny.

If the video is not visible, click here:  http://youtu.be/6FMyblJkLSM

USDA Requires Magicians to Write Disaster Plan for Rabbits

July 2nd, 2013

Sometimes you hear a story that’s so unbelievably funny, that it actually turns into unbelievably serious.  Such is the case with my magician friends, Marty & Brenda Hahne. Two of the kindest and most caring family & children entertainers in the business. They are based out of Ozark, MO, and travel the US entertaining audiences in schools, libraries, malls, and other venues.

A few years ago, the USDA  Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service agents started searching out magicians and showing up uninvited at their homes. Because of the USDA’s (the Rabbit Police) on going harassing of unannounced inspections, costly license requirements, increased veterinarian expenses, and other unnecessary time and money consuming requirements, magicians across the US have implemented Rabbit Lay-Offs. Yes, once productive, useful, smile-making rabbits have been turned into useless dependent animals existing without a purpose.  Many former joy-giving show rabbits have just given up.

All this happened because of our Washington, well educated student loan funded lawmakers. Today, hundreds of thousands of American children will never experience the joyful surprise of seeing a soft fluffy rabbit magically appear before their eyes.  They’ll never again have an opportunity to pet or hold a live rabbit during or after a magic show.  Because, most all magicians have excluded live rabbits from their shows due to new government enforced regulations. Included in the long list of nonsense government regulations is a law that states, if a child  is allowed the opportunity to touch a rabbit in anyway, the magician is required to supply a government approved hand-washing station that’s located within sight of where the rabbit touching takes place.

Marty & Brenda Hahne felt it was important that their audience members experience the fun and excitement of witnessing a magician appear a live rabbit.  So, they exccepted the fact that their end-of-year income would decrease substantially in order to meet the new Rabbit Police Laws. They made a commitment to each other, their audiences, and a promise to Charley, the rabbit; he was staying in the show and would not be a victim of rabbit laid off.

Just when you think the US government could not do anything else to make something more difficult, the government proves that anything’s possible.  On June 27, 2013, Marty Hahne posted on his facebook that his USDA rabbit license requirement just took another ridiculous twist. He received an 8 page letter from the USDA, telling him that by July 29, he needs to have in place a written Disaster Plan, detailing all the steps he would take to help get his rabbit through a disaster, such as a tornado, fire, flood etc. Before the end of July he needs to have this written rabbit disaster plan in place, or he is breaking the law.

Here’s the detailed timeline the USDA gave Marty to comply with its order:

• The new regulation became effective Jan. 30, 2012;

• The written plan must be completed by July 29, 2013;

• Hahne and his wife, Brenda, must be trained to implement the plan as written;

• The written plan must be available for review by USDA inspectors by Sept. 28, 2013.

This is an example of a humor transformation. A true story that started out by being unbelievably funny, and then transforming into unbelievable. Everyone loves to laugh, but everyone doesn’t laugh at the same thing. Understanding humor can be complicated and complex with confusing constantly changing exceptions.  They’re no “always black” or “always white” rules in comedy.  What was funny today, may not be funny tomorrow. Most people responded with laughter when they first heard  the rabbit disaster plan story, but now, few seem to be laughing.

 

Click Here to:   Watch Marty perform with USDA Approved Charley the Rabbit.

Rabbit Kill Cook Eat 2 6-28-13

 

Sources:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/watch-him-pull-a-usda-mandated-rabbit-disaster-plan-out-of-his-hat/2013/07/16/816f2f66-ed66-11e2-8163-2c7021381a75_story.html

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/jul/1/agriculture-department-tells-magician-write-disast/

http://bobmccarty.com/2011/05/25/usda-rabbit-police-stalking-magicians/

http://bobmccarty.com/2013/06/28/usda-tells-magician-to-write-disaster-plan-for-his-rabbit/

Cartoon by http://BobMcCarty.com

http://martythemagician.com/

 

 

 

Nothin’s For All Occasions

June 14th, 2013

My shopping cart was packed to the brim with peanut butter, assorted paper products, and twenty five pounds of Trail Mix. It was mid-day on a Tuesday, and I was casually bulk shopping while waiting on tires to be mounted and balanced at the local Costco Wholesale Warehouse.

As I was pushing my way to checkout, I passed by a large screen TV display promoting DIRECTV services. I noticed that the screen’s picture was frozen.  It looked to be some type of cooking show. My first thought was, “Boy, that’s a funny image for the picture to be paused.”  A short, baldheaded guy was holding a fork with a hot dog weenie half in his opened mouth. Next to him was a taller guy in a chef’s hat, pointing his index finger in the bald guy’s face as if to be saying: “Okay Oscar Meyer, you’re on my last nerve, and that’s your last WEENIE!”.

DIRECTV-Freeze

  I then noticed something even more comical. The DIRECTV service, that they were demonstrating was not working properly.  It was raining outside, and that was the reason the TV picture was frozen still. The rain was blocking the DIRECTV dish from receiving the satellite’s signal.  You know, there’s a reason clothing stores don’t display sweaters in the summer.

Costco may need to rethink their DIRECTV  display.  It’s like they’ve created a display that says to potential buyers, “Our satellite TV service delivers the ultimate in picture quality …….. except on rainy days, when it’s pretty much useless.  And, to prove how that looks, we’ve created this elaborate $15,000 in-store semi-working display.  Sign up today and receive a free deck of playing cards to help fill your rainy day voids.”

My purpose for writing this was to hopefully give you a reason to smile. It was not to slam DIRECTV or Costco. In fact, I am a DIRECTV customer and I’m pleased with both their product and service. As I was writing, I was reminded that even the best of products and services have their unique weakness, imperfections or flaws. When we’re making buying decisions, it’s our responsibility to determine the strengths that will benefit us the most and the weaknesses that will affect us the least. Nothing is 100% perfect for everyone. That’s why some people drive a sports car, others a mini-van. That’s why some choose satellite TV, others cable. And, that’s why eHarmony has had over 33 million sign-ups.

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