Laughs for a Week

September 21st, 2017

Only 94 days until Christmas. It’s time to plan your Christman event NOW! Don’t wait until everyone’s December calendar fills up.

NOTE: Because people are so busy during December, some groups plan their Christmas Party for January. More people are able to attend, they’re less stressed, and they have a better time.

Please be careful in that Christmas shopping traffic …..  you know how I worry.​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Wisdom Bits:
1) A bad day at Disneyworld is still better than a good day at work.
2) Be Nice To Your Kids; They’ll Pick Out Your Nursing Home.
3) Since the invention of the internet, an encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.


Chop-Chop:
A man from New York City was having lunch at a Chinese restaurant located in Jackson, Mississippi. He noticed that all the tables were set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said, “Chopsticks are provided only on request.”

“But,” the man countered, “if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn’t have to pay someone to wash all the forks.”

“True,” the waiter replied, “but we’d have to hire three more people to keep the floors clean.”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Our Annual Quarter Century Banquet was a huge success, due to your outstanding performance. Thank you for making our banquet one that we shall not soon forget.​”
       Alfreada Walker
Mount Vernon Mills, Inc.

_________________


25 or 2500 People
What’s the Key to Making
Your Event a Success?
“EVERYONE LAUGHING
TOGETHER”

Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
________________
PPS – Your Bonus:A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Fred.’

Passenger: ‘Who?’

Cabbie: ‘Fred Freeman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Fred Freeman every single time.’

Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’

Cabbie: ‘Not Fred Freeman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.’

Passenger: ‘Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: ‘There’s more… He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Fred Freeman, he could do everything right.’

Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Fred, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she were in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Fred Freeman.’

Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’

Cabbie: ‘Well, I never actually met Fred, he died.

I married his widow’.

Clean Humor

September 14th, 2017

Hello There,

I hope you are well, dry, and undamaged. Please enjoy this week’s funnies.

Safety Reminder:  Sometimes, cleaning up and rebuilding after a hurricane can be just as dangerous as the storm. Think about what you’re doing.

Please be careful …..  you know how I worry.​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Pilot School 101:
1) Takeoff’s are optional. Landings are mandatory.
2) If God meant man to fly, He’d have given him more money.
3) The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot sweat.


Speeding:
An elderly couple was driving through Jacksonville, Florida. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by the Highway Patrol.

Patrolman asks her, ‘Ma’am did you know that you were speeding?’

Irene turns to her husband, Mack, and inquiries, ‘What did he say?’
Mack yells out, ‘He says you were speeding!’

The patrolman said, ‘May I see your license, please ma’ am?’

Irene, once again, turns to Mack and says, ‘What did he say?’
Once more, Mack, shouts out, ‘He wants to see your license!’
Irene gives the patrolman her driving license.

The patrolman says, ‘I see you are from Connecticut. I spent a week there once and had the worst week I’ve ever had.’

Irene turns to Mack and asks, ‘What did he say?’
Mack yells very loudly, ‘He thinks he knows you​!’


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Those in attendance described the event as ‘hilarious, great time’. and one of the best parties we’ve ever had. I appreciate you making me look so good!”
       Scott Ledford
General Shale Products, LLC

 

 


 
25 or 2500 People
What’s the Key to Making
Your Event a Success?
“EVERYONE LAUGHING
TOGETHER”

Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:Thanks to P. Parsons sharing this funny with us.

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this! Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here’s what happened to Walter:

Walter walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Walter said: ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Walter what he had… Walter said, ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Walter to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Walter what he had. Walter said, ‘Shingles..’ So the nurse gave Walter a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Walter to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Walter sitting patiently in the nude and asked Walter what he had.

Walter said, ‘Shingles.’ The doctor asked, ‘Where?’
Walter said, ‘Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ’em??’


In Case of Fire

September 7th, 2017

Please, remember to share laughter with the people you care about each and every day.

Safety Reminder: In case of fire. Exit the building before posting it on Facebook. Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Wisdom Bits:
1) If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
2) A lot of people become pessimists from financing optimists.
3) Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


Fishing:
“Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an older man fishing in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The older man replied, “You’re the eighth.”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“I have received multiple calls and texts from our group stating this was the best party ever. That is thanks to you …..”
       Shelley Sanoulis
Spectra Colorants, Inc

 

 



25 or 2500 People
What’s the Key to Making
Your Event a Success?
“EVERYONE LAUGHING
TOGETHER”

Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard.

“Sand,” said the cyclist.

“Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. “Say, friend, you sure had us crazy,” said the guard. “We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won’t say a word – but what is it you were smuggling?” “Bicycles!” ​


Laughter’s Free and It Feels Good

August 31st, 2017

Today is August 31. Imagine if the month of August only had 30 days, today would be September 1.

There’s only, 63 days until Halloween, 86 days until Thanksgiving, and 118 days until Christmas.

Safety Reminder: Hug your kids at home, but belt them in the car.  Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Wisdom Bits:
1) To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as being right in doing it.
2) The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.
3) The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment they can tolerate.


What Does a …..:
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
“Why does it work?”
What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask?
“How does it work?”
What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask?
“How much will it cost?”
What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask?
“Do you want fries with that?”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Your magic and comedy appealed to both children and adults, and that made the evening a tremendous success.”
        Doris Hydrick
Alabama Manufactured Housing Institute​



What’s the Key to Making
Your Event a Success?
“EVERYONE LAUGHING
TOGETHER”

Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:Husband – “Hello?”
Wife – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
Husband – “Yes.”
Wife – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
Husband –“What’s the price?”
Wife – “Only $1,500.00.”
Husband – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
Wife – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models.  I saw one I really liked.  I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me an excellent price…and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
Husband – “What price did he quote you?”
Wife – “Only $75,000…”
Husband – “OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.”
Wife – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”
Husband – “What?”
Wife – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year.  It’s on sale!!  Remember?  The one with a pool, English Garden, an acre of park area, beachfront property.”
Husband – “How much are they asking?” Wife – “Only 4.5 million – a magnificent price…”
Husband – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid 4.2 million. OK?”
Wife – “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
Husband – “Bye…I love u too…” The man hangs up, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Laugh Time

August 24th, 2017

Today, August 24, is “National Waffle Day”. Let’s go to the Waffle House and eat a waffle. If you don’t like waffles, there’s always something entertaining happening at the Waffle House. If you don’t believe me, Google waffle house, crazy, and see what pops up.

Speaking of the “Waffle House”.  Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


On the Positive Side:
The parents were very disappointed in the grades their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” said the father, “is that during his exams I know for sure he never cheated.”


Quote to Remember:
“There is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity; intelligence has its limits.”​ – Albert Einstein​


Quote from Glenn’s Client

“Thanks for an outstanding performance. I appreciate you making me look so good! Rest assured, we will certainly recommend Glenn Strange to others for their functions.”
      Scott Ledford
General Shale Products, LLC​



Clean Comedy Entertainment
Make Your Event Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:A wealthy man met a beggar on the street. The beggar pleaded to the wealthy man to give him a dollar to buy something to eat.

“You poor fellow,” said the wealthy man. “Come with me, and I’ll buy you a drink.”

“Actually, I don’t drink. But I would like something to eat.”

“Here, my friend. Take one of my Cuban cigars,” the wealthy man urged.

“Sorry, sir,” said the homeless man. “I don’t smoke.”

“Very well, then come with me to the casino! I’ll put up your stake, and perhaps you’ll win enough to get your life back on track.”

“I don’t gamble either, sir. But I would still very much like a bite to eat.”

“You want to eat?” asked the wealthy man. “Alright, come home with me and have dinner with my family.”

“That’s very kind of you, sir. Thank you!”

“Not at all,” replied the wealthy man. “I just want my wife to see what happens to a man that doesn’t drink, smoke, or gamble.”

The Eclipse is Coming & School is Starting

August 15th, 2017

Not only do you get three funnies, but this week’s BONUS is a link that will answer your solar eclipse questions.

SAFETY WARNING: Schools are starting their new year. Remember: Where there are stopped school buses, there are fast moving children. Please be careful ….. I do worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


School Days:
1) “Well, Johnny, how did your school report card turn out?“ asks the mother.
“Come on mom; the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“

2) Patty had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

3) Teacher: “How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?”
    Suzy: “I get up early!”


Lunch Time:
A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes, the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”​


Drop Out:
Tommy dropped out of school, and his buddy asked: “Why?”
“I got discouraged, that’s all. I failed every subject except geography.”
“Every subject except geography? How do you explain that?”
“I didn’t take geography!”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“We have received compliments all week on Glenn Strange’s performance. Our guest left the event in a positive and cheerful mode, reminded of Glenn’s incredibly meaningful closure.”
    Ginnie Currin
Granville County Chamber of Commerce



Clean Comedy Entertainment
Laughing is Fun For Everyone
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:Solar Eclipse Answers:
On Monday August 21, a solar eclipse will cut across the entire United States. And wherever you are, you will be able to see it. Even though the “totality” — the area where the sun is completely blocked out by the moon — is only 70 miles wide, the whole country (even Alaska and Hawaii) will experience a partial eclipse.
CLICK HERE for more interesting details:


 

Almost Weekly Funnies

August 10th, 2017

This week, I’m in Pigeon Forge, TN, taking part in a family entertainers conference. I’m honored to be a part of this conference where performers from all parts of the world gather for a full week to share, learn, and improve.

Today, August 10, is “National Lazy Day”. I’m not really sure how one celebrates a day set aside to honor laziness. I guess you just remain stagnant for 24 hours. I’ll call my brother-in-law and ask him. He’s an expert.

SAFETY WARNING: According to a report from “Public Health England”, inactivity and laziness kills as many people as smoking does. Next thing you know, our government will require “Warning Labels” on couches. Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Bits of Wisdom:
1)  Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
2)  Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
3)  Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press “Ctrl Alt Delete” and start all over?


A Sense of Humor:
The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.

When the boss noticed that he wasn’t getting a reaction from Mike, the boss ask, “What’s the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?”

“My sense of humor is fine,” he said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m quitting tomorrow.”​



Clean Comedy Entertainment
Laughing is Fun For Everyone
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

Quote from Glenn’s Client
“I have received many, many favorable comments about Glenn’s unique blend of magic and humor. I will gladly provide recommendations to those considering Glenn’s show for meetings and other company functions.”
   K McDowell
Barnett​ Company


Farmer Says:
A farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. “One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked one curious visitor.

“When the cows are standing,” the farmer explained, “it means no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hours. When they’re lying down, it means it’s going to rain.”

“On our bus trip,” another visitor piped in, “I saw half the herd standing and the other half lying down. What does that mean?”

The farmer answered, “That means half of them are wrong.”

A Time To Laugh

August 3rd, 2017

August 3, is “National Watermelon Day”. So, take a watermelon to lunch.

SAFETY WARNING: Watermelons are 91.5% water. So, if you’re planning to travel across a desert, you should take watermelons with you. Remember, they’re hard to carry because they don’t have handles. …..  you know how I worry.


Bits of Wisdom:
1)  My idea of a balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
2)  Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
3)  The way some people find fault, you’d think there was some kind of reward.


First Date:
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone, so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

Just has he had planned his phone rang at 8:15. He told his date, “Please forgive me; I must take this call.” When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “Mine was scheduled to die at 8:35.”​​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Thanks a million-jillion-gazillion times for the superb performance ….!!!
We have never gotten that kind of positive response from our student body… EVER!!! You certainly were the
right man, with the right cause, at the right time… for all the right reasons!!!”
      M. Walker
Department of Juvenile Justice​


PPS – Your Bonus:

Bank Business
The loans officer says the bank will need security for a $10,000 loan, so the man hands over the keys and documents of his new Rolls Royce, parked the nearby bank’s parking lot. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground secure garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns and repays the $10,000, plus interest, which is $25.08. The loans officer says: “We are delighted to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. You have a good-sized, harbourside mansion, a sizeable equity portfolio and no debt at all. We are curious as to why you would bother to borrow $5000?”

The man replied: “Where else in New York City, can I park my car safely for two weeks for $25?”


Worry Free Clean Comedy
Everyone Remembers Laughing
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

Your Laugh Break For Today

August 2nd, 2017

My neighbor’s got a drone and my dog’s got anxiety. I’m just waiting until the day they collide.

I hope your summer’s off to a good start with lots of family laughter and happy memories coming your way.

Enjoy this week’s funnies and remember to be safe traveling. Especially, in the highway construction areas.

You know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


Musical Jokes:

Q: What’s the range of an accordion?
A: About twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm!.”

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it’s electrified.

“I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I’ve been arrested three times for practicing.” – Steven Wright


Ask An Expert:

A man went to the Police Station demanding to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”


PSS – Your Bonus Funny:

A guy driving an old Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a brand new Rolls-Royce.

He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. Did you get a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, “Yes, I have a phone.”

The driver of the Yugo said, “Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I’ve got one in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”

The driver of the Yugo said, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, “Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”

The driver of the Yugo said, “Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night.

It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn’t any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Glenn Strange did an excellent job for the Employees’ Service Banquet. We will be glad to recommend his performance for any group needing good, clean entertainment.”
       Wade Bowman, Manager
Coats American



Looking for Clean Professional Comedy?
Call
864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau.

Take a Minute to Laugh

July 30th, 2017

June 15th is National Smile Power Day.  This is a day for everyone to share the power of the smile.

Your smile cost you nothing but can be priceless to those that care about you.

Remember: Worn tires make all roads dangerous. Replace your tires before you hear the sound of breaking glass ….. you know how I worry.


Nonsense:

1) You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.
2) Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
3) Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Traffic Signs:

A cop pulls over a car with 5 nuns on their way to an out of town meeting.
Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?”
Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.”
Cop: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.

Quote from Glenn’s Client
“The response from everyone has been overwhelmingly positive. We are still laughing at some of your jokes and the sight of our distinguished administrator on stage with you.”
        Debra Hancock, Rn, CNN
Dialysis Clinics, Inc.


Everyone Enjoys Clean Comedy
Call   864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

Understanding Why

Aman woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.

He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight. He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the 1st bottle swearing, “You’re the reason I fight with my wife”.

He smashed the 2nd bottle, “You’re the reason my children don’t speak to me”.

He smashed the 3rd bottle, “You’re the reason I don’t have a decent job”.

When he took the 4th bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for a moment and said, “You stand aside. I know you were not involved”.


watch demo

Newsletter & Updates Signup!