Posts Tagged ‘Spartanburg’

The Last Day of Febuary​

Thursday, February 28th, 2019

Today’s the last day of February. I guess February is the shortest month because the calendar-maker didn’t like cold weather. I understand he eventually moved to Florida.


BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange


Drugs

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”


Pharmacist: “You mean aspirin?”


Chemist: “That’s it! I can never remember that word.”


Hungry

I made a mistake and went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. I am now the happy owner of aisle Five.


What People Say About Glenn

“Having Glenn be part of the meeting on that first evening together definitely helped the group bond, interact with one another, and laugh together. Those that participated on the stage with Glenn became somewhat of a conference celebrity and asked if anyone had pictures……”
Barbara Lehew
Carolinas Credit Union League

Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

email: info@GlennStrange.com

CALL: 864-439-1369
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke

When your first child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you take it to a doctor.

When your third child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.

When your third child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.


Laughter Leads to Loving

Thursday, February 14th, 2019

Because today is February 14, this is a Special Valentine Love edition.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Young Love:

Little Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Little Boy: “Really?”
Little Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”


Business Marketing:

A lady walks into a post office and notices a middle-aged, well-dressed man
standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. As he seals each envelop he sprays it with a puff of perfume.

The woman’s curiosity gets the better of her, so she goes up to the man and asks what he is doing. The man replies, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?

“But why would you do that?” she asks.

“Because I’m a divorce lawyer.”


I’m Excited:

On March 9, 2019, I will be performing two shows at the “Country Tonite Theatre” in Pigeon Forge, TN. I’m honored to be a part of the entertainment for this year’s “Winter Carnival of Magic”. Magicians and variety entertainers will be attending this long-running convention from all parts of the US, and the surrounding world. In other words, “There’s going to be a lot of professional deceivers there.”

Let’s Work Together to Bring
Fun and Laughter to Your Event?

Email: info@GlennStrange.com

Or CALL: 8640-439-1369

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Bonus Joke:

The Kids Were Asked

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Allen, age 10

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10

“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.” Fred,
age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.” Eddie, age 6

“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.” Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, age 8

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them
interested enough to go for a second date.” Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.” Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?

“When they’re rich.” Pam, age 7

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no
diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET
MARRIED?

“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?” Kelvin, age 8

“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.” Roberta, age 7

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.” Ricky, age 10

Last Night I Dreamed

Thursday, January 31st, 2019

Only one day until Groundhog Day.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Surf and Sand:

Last night I dreamt of a long walk on a sandy beach.   At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.


Staff Meeting:

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with $800, if you find it, I’m offering a $100 finder’s fee!”

A voice in the background says: “I’m offering $200!”


Glenn’s Client Said:

“My ribs were sour for two days. The party was the talk of the office, and your comedy was recapped ever and over again, making each laugh more painful.”
Lisa Ellis
Mesa Associates, Inc.


Making Happy People Appear 



Your Event Will be FUN?

info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

In a small town in Scotland, the town’s seamstress passed away. Her husband called the local paper to run an obituary. After telling the woman at the paper what he wanted it to say, she said, “Angus, ye still have room for four more words.” Well, Angus was a thrifty Scotsman, but he said he didn’t know what else to say. The woman said, “How about ‘Loving mother, faithful wife.'” Angus didn’t like that. The woman suggested, “How about ‘God bless her soul.'” Angus didn’t like that either. Then Angus said, “I’ve got it! ‘Sewing machine for sale.’”


Guess What Day It Is?

Thursday, January 24th, 2019

Today Jan 24, is “National Peanut Butter Day”. I hear “Jelly” is offended. BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Math Question:

The teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention.
She called on him and asked, “Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”


Simple Definition:

Here’s the difference between “Complete” and “Finished”.
When you marry the right person, you are Complete.
When you marry the wrong person, you are Finished.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are Completely Finished..!!!


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Glenn Strange recently gave an encore performance at our church. I say encore because the response to Glenn’s entertaining humor and magic four years ago was such that it commanded that we invite him again. If you are looking for clean, competent, and quality entertainment for any group, I highly recommend Glenn.”

Jerry Long – Shandon Baptist Church

Making Happy People Appear:

Your Event Will be FUN?

Contact: info@GlennStrange.com
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Thinking back, I remember going through Hurricane Irma in Florida. I was ready for it, but my wife was not!


When the wind reached its full screaming pitch, with the trees snapping and threshing, the rain streaming horizontally, tin roof panels and destroyed fences flying by, as well as the unnerving sound-levels, my wife was firmly rooted to one spot.
She stared and stared through the glass of the window, unmoving, with her nose pressed to the windowpane. The look of stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever.


Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I open the door and let her in.


Get your Valentine’s Day gift early

Friday, January 18th, 2019

Only 15 Days until Groundhog Day. Better buy your Valentine’s gift before they get gone.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Math Question:

The teacher asks: “Now, Susan, how many fingers have you?”

Susan: “Ten.”

Teacher: “Right. Now if you lost four of them, what would you have?”

Susan: “No more piano lessons.”


Ear Deal:

A man is bragging about his new hearing aid. “It’s the best I’ve ever had,” he says. “It cost $3,000.”

His friend asks, “What kind is it?”

He says, “Half past four!”


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Thanks for a GREAT program at our annual Banquet. I’ve received many
compliments for your performance and everyone had a really great time.
Thanks for sharing your talent, and some good, clean, fun with our group.”

T Frazier
Alabama Trucking Association


Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

Call: 864-439-1369


PPS – Bonus Joke:

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person
could go and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.


The Art of Swatting Flies

Thursday, January 10th, 2019

Only 349 Days until Christmas.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Swatting Flies:

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Hunting Flies” He responded.

“Oh. Killing any?” She asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”

He responded, 3 were on the TV control, and 2 were on the phone.”


Psychic Power:

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog becomes excited, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
“No,” says the psychic, “in her biology class.”​


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Glenn’s message gave the audience an opportunity to let all of their daily thoughts and routines go to the back of their minds and enjoy a great evening of laughter. To leave the group with such a moving life lesson made the comedy and magic even better.”
C. L. Laxton
Wyoming County EDA


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

Laughter is a gift that should be shared. So, brighten someone’s day and forward this email to them.

Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

A senior citizen drives his brand new BMW out the car salesroom. Taking off down the highway, he floored it to 90, enjoying the wind blowing through. Amazing he thought as he flew down the road, looking in his rearview mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue light flashing, siren blaring.

”I can get away from him – no problem! ” He floored it to130, then 140 …then 150 … Suddenly, he thought, ”What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense !” So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the officer walked up to the driver’s side of the BMW looked at his watch and said, ”Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes, Today is Friday, and I’m taking off for the weekend, If you can give me a reason I’ve never heard before for why you were speeding, I’ll let you go.”

The Man looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, ” Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.”

”Have a good day, Sir….!!

Best Jokes of 2018

Thursday, December 27th, 2018

A special thank you to all the subscribes that shared these jokes and funnies this past year.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.

_________________________________________

They Say:
They say you can’t get a decent job without an education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

__________________________________________

Just One Little Thing:
My Wife is so Negative:

I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

___________________________________________

Father & Son Talk:
Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What? I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new parents will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

___________________________________________

Kids and Kittens:
A four-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

“How did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

___________________________________________

Golf:
A golfer was having a terrible round; 20-over par for the front nine with several balls lost in water or rough. When his caddie coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 12th, he lost it.

“You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world!” he yelled.

“I doubt it,” replied the caddie, dead-pan. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”

_______________________________________________

Whales:
A teacher asked her class what they knew about whales. 

One little girl spoke up and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher smiled and said she didn’t think that was very likely because even though whales can be big, their throats are not big enough to swallow a man.

But the little girl was adamant and maintained that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher was getting impatient and reiterated that this was physically unlikely.

But the girl was unmoved and said that when she got to heaven, she would ask Jonah.

“But what if Jonah went to hell?” the teacher asked. The girl replied, “Then you can ask him.”

_______________________________________________

Cowboy Wisdom:

1) Don’t name a pig you plan to eat.

2) Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

3) It’s better to be a has-been than a never-was.

4) If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t

5) It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

6) If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

7) Never miss a good chance to shut up.

_________________________________________________

A Fact, A Question, A Prayer:
!)  I don’t need anger management. I need obnoxious people to stop annoying me!

2) Why do I have to press one for English when they’re just gonna transfer to someone in a foreign country?

3) Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

______________________________________________________

Handling Sexual Harassment:
A male student at a management business school came up to a girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?” asked the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”

__________________________________________________

Home Alone:
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10-year-old little Johnny opens the door, holding a cup of coffee and smoking a cigar.

The salesman asked, “Young man is your mother home?”

Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What do you

think?”

_____________________________________________________

Cost of a Parrot:

A man goes to a pet store to buy a parrot. The pet store assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks him to choose one.

The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?’’

The assistant says, ‘’$1000.”

The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive.

The assistant explains, ”This parrot is very special. He speaks and understands English; he can make copies, and take incoming phone calls.’’

”What about the green parrot?” the man asks.

The assistant says, ”He costs $4000 because He speaks and understands English, Spanish, and German. He types 80 words per minute and is proficient in Microsoft Office, Word, and Excel. He can also deliver a beautiful Powerpoint presentation on just about any subject.’’

”What about the red parrot?” the man asks.

The assistant says, ”That bird is $10,000.’’

The man says, ‘’My goodness, what does HE do?’’

The assistant says, ‘’Absolutely nothing, but the other two parrots call him boss.’’

_______________________________________________

Just a Game:
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

_________________________________________________

Doctor Doctor:
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 19 lbs 10 oz.

__________________________________________________

What Glenn’s Clients Say:
“Everyone thoroughly enjoyed your performance!  I have only heard good things. Please feel free to use me as a reference.  I will gladly give you the highest accolades!”
         Laura Strickland
         Sylacauga Chamber of Commerce

Why Plan an Event Without
Planning for Laughter?

Make Your Event FUN?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Bonus Joke:
One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said. “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like this for only $59.00.”

It’s Only 50 Days Until

Thursday, December 13th, 2018

Remember, it’s only 50 days until Groundhog Day. I didn’t want it to slip up on you again this year.

BE careful  … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Christmas Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Don’t Ask, Cause She’ll Tell You:
A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program that has imaginary sadness of people you have never met?

Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don’t know makes a touchdown.


Dogs and Cats:
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a beautiful warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a beautiful warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!


Buzzy Doing 2018 Christmas Events 
It’s Time To Book Glenn Strange
For Your 2019 Christmas Events
Want Your Event to Stand Out?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
A boy and his mom waited in line at the mall to see Santa. When the boy finally got on Santa’s lap, he had a long list of stuff he wanted.

“Santa, I want a new bike, a Star Wars video game, a baseball glove, ice skates, a remote control drone, a red sled, a Big Wheel, walkie-talkies, an iPad, and a skateboard.”

Santa raised his eyebrows and said, “That’s a very long list you have there, young man. I’ll have to check my records and see if you’ve been a good boy.”

The boy replied, “Oh no. No need to bother with that. I’ll just take the skateboard.”


 

The Perfect Christmas Tree

Thursday, December 6th, 2018

Fatherly Advice:
A father could tell his son was not his usual self and he seemed to be mentally struggling. So, he asked him if there was something that he could help him with. The son explained that his girlfriend, Julie was turning nineteen and he couldn’t decide whether to give her a dozen red roses or nineteen — one for each year of her life.

The father said, “She may be your nineteen-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your fifty-year-old wife.”


Scuba Diving:
While visiting a water show a tourist asked one of the divers, “Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boats?

To which the diver replied, “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”


Got the Christmas Tree up. 
Want Your Event to Stand Out?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
One Christmas, a mother decided she was no longer going to remind her kids to send thank you notes. Consequently, the kids’ grandmother never received any thanks for the Christmas checks she sent to the kids.

The very next Christmas, all the kids stopped by in person to thank their grandmother for their checks.

When asked by a friend what caused this change in behavior, the grandmother replied, “Simple. This year I didn’t sign the checks.”


 

Cats vs Dogs

Thursday, November 29th, 2018

Cats vs Dogs:
People are always asking me if I’m a cat person or a dog person…

As if penguins didn’t even exist


Cooking 101:
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank, were fishing. The conversation drifted from office, sports, to politics, and then to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.” “Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank. “You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…”


Want Your Event to Stand Out?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

Bonus Joke:
When a father asked his son what he wanted for Christmas, the boy replied, “A baby sister.”
As it turned out, the wife was pregnant and delivered on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day she brought home a brand new baby sister for their son.

The next year, when the father asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas, the boy said, “If it wouldn’t make mommy too uncomfortable, how about a pony?”


 

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