Posts Tagged ‘Spartanburg’

The Eclipse is Coming & School is Starting

Tuesday, August 15th, 2017

Not only do you get three funnies, but this week’s BONUS is a link that will answer your solar eclipse questions.

SAFETY WARNING: Schools are starting their new year. Remember: Where there are stopped school buses, there are fast moving children. Please be careful ….. I do worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


School Days:
1) “Well, Johnny, how did your school report card turn out?“ asks the mother.
“Come on mom; the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“

2) Patty had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

3) Teacher: “How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?”
    Suzy: “I get up early!”


Lunch Time:
A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes, the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”​


Drop Out:
Tommy dropped out of school, and his buddy asked: “Why?”
“I got discouraged, that’s all. I failed every subject except geography.”
“Every subject except geography? How do you explain that?”
“I didn’t take geography!”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“We have received compliments all week on Glenn Strange’s performance. Our guest left the event in a positive and cheerful mode, reminded of Glenn’s incredibly meaningful closure.”
    Ginnie Currin
Granville County Chamber of Commerce



Clean Comedy Entertainment
Laughing is Fun For Everyone
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:Solar Eclipse Answers:
On Monday August 21, a solar eclipse will cut across the entire United States. And wherever you are, you will be able to see it. Even though the “totality” — the area where the sun is completely blocked out by the moon — is only 70 miles wide, the whole country (even Alaska and Hawaii) will experience a partial eclipse.
CLICK HERE for more interesting details:


 

Almost Weekly Funnies

Thursday, August 10th, 2017

This week, I’m in Pigeon Forge, TN, taking part in a family entertainers conference. I’m honored to be a part of this conference where performers from all parts of the world gather for a full week to share, learn, and improve.

Today, August 10, is “National Lazy Day”. I’m not really sure how one celebrates a day set aside to honor laziness. I guess you just remain stagnant for 24 hours. I’ll call my brother-in-law and ask him. He’s an expert.

SAFETY WARNING: According to a report from “Public Health England”, inactivity and laziness kills as many people as smoking does. Next thing you know, our government will require “Warning Labels” on couches. Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Bits of Wisdom:
1)  Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
2)  Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
3)  Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press “Ctrl Alt Delete” and start all over?


A Sense of Humor:
The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.

When the boss noticed that he wasn’t getting a reaction from Mike, the boss ask, “What’s the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?”

“My sense of humor is fine,” he said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m quitting tomorrow.”​



Clean Comedy Entertainment
Laughing is Fun For Everyone
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

Quote from Glenn’s Client
“I have received many, many favorable comments about Glenn’s unique blend of magic and humor. I will gladly provide recommendations to those considering Glenn’s show for meetings and other company functions.”
   K McDowell
Barnett​ Company


Farmer Says:
A farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. “One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked one curious visitor.

“When the cows are standing,” the farmer explained, “it means no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hours. When they’re lying down, it means it’s going to rain.”

“On our bus trip,” another visitor piped in, “I saw half the herd standing and the other half lying down. What does that mean?”

The farmer answered, “That means half of them are wrong.”

Your Laugh Break For Today

Wednesday, August 2nd, 2017

My neighbor’s got a drone and my dog’s got anxiety. I’m just waiting until the day they collide.

I hope your summer’s off to a good start with lots of family laughter and happy memories coming your way.

Enjoy this week’s funnies and remember to be safe traveling. Especially, in the highway construction areas.

You know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


Musical Jokes:

Q: What’s the range of an accordion?
A: About twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm!.”

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it’s electrified.

“I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I’ve been arrested three times for practicing.” – Steven Wright


Ask An Expert:

A man went to the Police Station demanding to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”


PSS – Your Bonus Funny:

A guy driving an old Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a brand new Rolls-Royce.

He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. Did you get a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, “Yes, I have a phone.”

The driver of the Yugo said, “Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I’ve got one in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”

The driver of the Yugo said, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, “Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”

The driver of the Yugo said, “Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night.

It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn’t any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Glenn Strange did an excellent job for the Employees’ Service Banquet. We will be glad to recommend his performance for any group needing good, clean entertainment.”
       Wade Bowman, Manager
Coats American



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Best Job In the World

Thursday, February 26th, 2015

The TV weather-person has to be the best job in the world. They never get fired for being wrong, they receive praises when they call it right, and their boss lets them play outside when it snows.

WEATHER ALART: It’s snowing in SC tonight. Please remember to keep fresh unfrozen water and food for your outside pets, the wild birds, and the TV weather people. They’re all outside and unable to care for themselves.

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