Posts Tagged ‘SC’

Only 307 Days Until …

Thursday, February 21st, 2019

Only 307 days until Christmas. Order your fruitcake now.


BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange


It’s Your Choice:

My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please, send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.


Big News:

A young wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great
news. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three living in this house instead of two.”
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was
glowing with happiness as kissed and held his wife closely.
She said, “I’m glad that you feel this way; my mother will be here tomorrow.”


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Stevie had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time.

Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind Stevie.
“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says Stevie.

“Nope,” dad replied, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you did to me for all those years.”


Laughter Leads to Loving

Thursday, February 14th, 2019

Because today is February 14, this is a Special Valentine Love edition.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Young Love:

Little Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Little Boy: “Really?”
Little Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”


Business Marketing:

A lady walks into a post office and notices a middle-aged, well-dressed man
standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. As he seals each envelop he sprays it with a puff of perfume.

The woman’s curiosity gets the better of her, so she goes up to the man and asks what he is doing. The man replies, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?

“But why would you do that?” she asks.

“Because I’m a divorce lawyer.”


I’m Excited:

On March 9, 2019, I will be performing two shows at the “Country Tonite Theatre” in Pigeon Forge, TN. I’m honored to be a part of the entertainment for this year’s “Winter Carnival of Magic”. Magicians and variety entertainers will be attending this long-running convention from all parts of the US, and the surrounding world. In other words, “There’s going to be a lot of professional deceivers there.”

Let’s Work Together to Bring
Fun and Laughter to Your Event?

Email: info@GlennStrange.com

Or CALL: 8640-439-1369

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Bonus Joke:

The Kids Were Asked

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Allen, age 10

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10

“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.” Fred,
age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.” Eddie, age 6

“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.” Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, age 8

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them
interested enough to go for a second date.” Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.” Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?

“When they’re rich.” Pam, age 7

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no
diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET
MARRIED?

“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?” Kelvin, age 8

“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.” Roberta, age 7

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.” Ricky, age 10

So, What’s Next?

Tuesday, February 5th, 2019

Well, Ground Hog Day and the Super Bowl are over. So, what’s next? Did you know? For the 11th straight year, Waffle House® restaurants will be the perfect spot for a romantic candlelight Valentine’s Day date.

More than 170 Waffle House restaurants in 19 states will be serving up special, white-tablecloth dinner service for the night dedicated to love.

Here’s a list of participating locations at wafflehouse.com.

I can’t think of a better way to make an everlasting impression on that special person.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Movie Restrictions:

I just came back from court. They charged this guy with bringing his own candy, popcorn, and cola into the movie theater. It’s sad that he lost, and he had to pay all the court fees plus his lawyer. The good thing is: he still has a few dollars left compared to what it would have cost him at the movie theater.


May I Take Your Order:

“Yes, I’ll have a vodka please!”
“Sir, this is a McDonald’s.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay. Then I’ll have a McVodka.” ​


What People Say About Glenn:

“Glenn is the best magician I’ve ever seen. He was a good baby too.”
Audry Strange
Glenn’s Mother


Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will Be FUN?

Contact: info@GlennStrange.com

Or CALL 864-439-1369

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Mrs. Hannie, the 6th-grade teacher, posed a math problem to her classes:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-tenth is to go to his wife, one-tenth is to go to his son, one-fourth to his butler, and the rest goes to his cat. Now, the question is: what does each person get?”

After a very long silence, Little Johnny raised his hand.

“Yes Johnny, what is your answer.”

Little Johnny answered, “A lawyer!”


Last Night I Dreamed

Thursday, January 31st, 2019

Only one day until Groundhog Day.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Surf and Sand:

Last night I dreamt of a long walk on a sandy beach.   At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.


Staff Meeting:

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with $800, if you find it, I’m offering a $100 finder’s fee!”

A voice in the background says: “I’m offering $200!”


Glenn’s Client Said:

“My ribs were sour for two days. The party was the talk of the office, and your comedy was recapped ever and over again, making each laugh more painful.”
Lisa Ellis
Mesa Associates, Inc.


Making Happy People Appear 



Your Event Will be FUN?

info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

In a small town in Scotland, the town’s seamstress passed away. Her husband called the local paper to run an obituary. After telling the woman at the paper what he wanted it to say, she said, “Angus, ye still have room for four more words.” Well, Angus was a thrifty Scotsman, but he said he didn’t know what else to say. The woman said, “How about ‘Loving mother, faithful wife.'” Angus didn’t like that. The woman suggested, “How about ‘God bless her soul.'” Angus didn’t like that either. Then Angus said, “I’ve got it! ‘Sewing machine for sale.’”


Guess What Day It Is?

Thursday, January 24th, 2019

Today Jan 24, is “National Peanut Butter Day”. I hear “Jelly” is offended. BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Math Question:

The teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention.
She called on him and asked, “Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”


Simple Definition:

Here’s the difference between “Complete” and “Finished”.
When you marry the right person, you are Complete.
When you marry the wrong person, you are Finished.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are Completely Finished..!!!


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Glenn Strange recently gave an encore performance at our church. I say encore because the response to Glenn’s entertaining humor and magic four years ago was such that it commanded that we invite him again. If you are looking for clean, competent, and quality entertainment for any group, I highly recommend Glenn.”

Jerry Long – Shandon Baptist Church

Making Happy People Appear:

Your Event Will be FUN?

Contact: info@GlennStrange.com
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Thinking back, I remember going through Hurricane Irma in Florida. I was ready for it, but my wife was not!


When the wind reached its full screaming pitch, with the trees snapping and threshing, the rain streaming horizontally, tin roof panels and destroyed fences flying by, as well as the unnerving sound-levels, my wife was firmly rooted to one spot.
She stared and stared through the glass of the window, unmoving, with her nose pressed to the windowpane. The look of stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever.


Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I open the door and let her in.


Get your Valentine’s Day gift early

Friday, January 18th, 2019

Only 15 Days until Groundhog Day. Better buy your Valentine’s gift before they get gone.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Math Question:

The teacher asks: “Now, Susan, how many fingers have you?”

Susan: “Ten.”

Teacher: “Right. Now if you lost four of them, what would you have?”

Susan: “No more piano lessons.”


Ear Deal:

A man is bragging about his new hearing aid. “It’s the best I’ve ever had,” he says. “It cost $3,000.”

His friend asks, “What kind is it?”

He says, “Half past four!”


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Thanks for a GREAT program at our annual Banquet. I’ve received many
compliments for your performance and everyone had a really great time.
Thanks for sharing your talent, and some good, clean, fun with our group.”

T Frazier
Alabama Trucking Association


Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

Call: 864-439-1369


PPS – Bonus Joke:

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person
could go and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.


The Art of Swatting Flies

Thursday, January 10th, 2019

Only 349 Days until Christmas.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Swatting Flies:

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Hunting Flies” He responded.

“Oh. Killing any?” She asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”

He responded, 3 were on the TV control, and 2 were on the phone.”


Psychic Power:

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog becomes excited, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
“No,” says the psychic, “in her biology class.”​


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Glenn’s message gave the audience an opportunity to let all of their daily thoughts and routines go to the back of their minds and enjoy a great evening of laughter. To leave the group with such a moving life lesson made the comedy and magic even better.”
C. L. Laxton
Wyoming County EDA


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

Laughter is a gift that should be shared. So, brighten someone’s day and forward this email to them.

Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

A senior citizen drives his brand new BMW out the car salesroom. Taking off down the highway, he floored it to 90, enjoying the wind blowing through. Amazing he thought as he flew down the road, looking in his rearview mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue light flashing, siren blaring.

”I can get away from him – no problem! ” He floored it to130, then 140 …then 150 … Suddenly, he thought, ”What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense !” So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the officer walked up to the driver’s side of the BMW looked at his watch and said, ”Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes, Today is Friday, and I’m taking off for the weekend, If you can give me a reason I’ve never heard before for why you were speeding, I’ll let you go.”

The Man looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, ” Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.”

”Have a good day, Sir….!!

It’s Only 50 Days Until

Thursday, December 13th, 2018

Remember, it’s only 50 days until Groundhog Day. I didn’t want it to slip up on you again this year.

BE careful  … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Christmas Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Don’t Ask, Cause She’ll Tell You:
A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program that has imaginary sadness of people you have never met?

Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don’t know makes a touchdown.


Dogs and Cats:
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a beautiful warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a beautiful warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!


Buzzy Doing 2018 Christmas Events 
It’s Time To Book Glenn Strange
For Your 2019 Christmas Events
Want Your Event to Stand Out?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
A boy and his mom waited in line at the mall to see Santa. When the boy finally got on Santa’s lap, he had a long list of stuff he wanted.

“Santa, I want a new bike, a Star Wars video game, a baseball glove, ice skates, a remote control drone, a red sled, a Big Wheel, walkie-talkies, an iPad, and a skateboard.”

Santa raised his eyebrows and said, “That’s a very long list you have there, young man. I’ll have to check my records and see if you’ve been a good boy.”

The boy replied, “Oh no. No need to bother with that. I’ll just take the skateboard.”


 

The Perfect Christmas Tree

Thursday, December 6th, 2018

Fatherly Advice:
A father could tell his son was not his usual self and he seemed to be mentally struggling. So, he asked him if there was something that he could help him with. The son explained that his girlfriend, Julie was turning nineteen and he couldn’t decide whether to give her a dozen red roses or nineteen — one for each year of her life.

The father said, “She may be your nineteen-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your fifty-year-old wife.”


Scuba Diving:
While visiting a water show a tourist asked one of the divers, “Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boats?

To which the diver replied, “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”


Got the Christmas Tree up. 
Want Your Event to Stand Out?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
One Christmas, a mother decided she was no longer going to remind her kids to send thank you notes. Consequently, the kids’ grandmother never received any thanks for the Christmas checks she sent to the kids.

The very next Christmas, all the kids stopped by in person to thank their grandmother for their checks.

When asked by a friend what caused this change in behavior, the grandmother replied, “Simple. This year I didn’t sign the checks.”


 

Cats vs Dogs

Thursday, November 29th, 2018

Cats vs Dogs:
People are always asking me if I’m a cat person or a dog person…

As if penguins didn’t even exist


Cooking 101:
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank, were fishing. The conversation drifted from office, sports, to politics, and then to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.” “Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank. “You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…”


Want Your Event to Stand Out?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

Bonus Joke:
When a father asked his son what he wanted for Christmas, the boy replied, “A baby sister.”
As it turned out, the wife was pregnant and delivered on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day she brought home a brand new baby sister for their son.

The next year, when the father asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas, the boy said, “If it wouldn’t make mommy too uncomfortable, how about a pony?”


 

watch demo

Newsletter & Updates Signup!