Posts Tagged ‘News’

Clean Comedy that’s Not Silly

Thursday, September 28th, 2017

This week’s BONUS funny is one of my all-time favorites.

SAFETY DRIVING TIP: Wearing sunglasses when driving in the rain may improve your ability to see (polarised glasses work best).  Give it a try.  Please be careful ….. you know how I do worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Nonsence Wisdom:
1) There are three ways to make money. You can inherit it. You can marry it. You can steal it.
2) When tempted to fight fire with fire, keep in mind that the Fire Department usually uses water.
3) Ever notice that the people who arrive late are often much jollier than the people who have been waiting on them?


Rearrange:
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER​

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER ​

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Thanks for an outstanding performance at this years Christmas party …. I appreciate you making me look so good! Rest assured, we will certainly recommend you to others for their corporate functions.”
    Scott Ledford
General Shale Products, LLC



Time to Plan Your Christmas Event
Call with questions. Let’s
make your Event the best ever.

Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:Thank you to subscriber G. Venson, for this weeks bonus funny. 

A sweet grandmother telephoned Tampa General Hospital. She asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone that can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said, “I’ll be happy to help you. What’s the patient’s name and room number?”

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Arlene, Room 302.”

The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”  After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Arlene is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr. Scott, has scheduled her to be discharged on Wednesday.”

The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful!  I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”

The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Arlene your daughter?”

The grandmother said, “No, I’m Arlene in 302. No one tells me anything.”


 

In the News: Watching TV Shortens Life Span. Say What?

Sunday, October 9th, 2011

The Los Angeles Times reports about a study claiming, “For each hour of TV watched, you are at risk of shortening your life by 18%.” Well, I DON’T THINK SO!!!  What “less than brilliant” person came to that conclusion? Smells like someone justifying their federal grant money.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a TV repairman to figure this one out.  Think about it for a minute:  It’s on public record, that most dead people were sick when they died. Now, what’s the first thing people do when they get sick? That’s right; they cut on the TV and go to bed.  Watching TV is of the few things sick people are able to do. Plus, it can actually be therapeutic and comforting.

Every hospital room in America comes standard with a remote controlled TV, an adjustable bed, and a flimsy plastic bed pan. The bed pan is there to keep the sick in front of the TV and out of the bathroom. Have you ever tried to use a flimsy, one-size-fits-all, plastic bed pan? Besides being extremely embarrassing, it’s a struggle, it’s exhausting, and extremely strenuous. The act alone is enough to make a healthy person wish they were dead. So, I’m here to tell you, the study is incomplete and 100% incorrect. Watching TV does not shorten a person’s life. Life is shortened by the exhausting strenuous struggle that’s required for a sickly person to mount and dismount a flimsy, one-size-fits-all, plastic bed pan.  I encourage you to write your congressman and insist that WARNING LABELS be required for all bed pans. I’m sure bed pans even shorten more lives than cigarette smoking. Watching TV doesn’t shorten life – it’s the Bed Pans.

Click here to read the Los Angeles Times article…

Written by Glenn Strange 9/11/11 thru 9/17/11

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