Posts Tagged ‘NC’

Don’t Hesitate​

Thursday, September 19th, 2019

Book Your Christmas Party Entertainment Today. Only a few dates remain.

Proverb:

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll spend a fortune on gear that he’ll use only twice a year.

Here Come Da Judge:

A judge enters the courtroom and starts the proceedings, saying: „Before this process begins in earnest, there is one thing I have to clear first. The plaintiff gave me $10,000, so I would rule in their favor. The defendant gave me $12,000, so I would rule in their favor. To make this case fair, I’m hereby returning $2,000 to the defendant.“

What Clients Say:

“Glenn did an outstanding job entertaining our members. His show was first class all the way. We would recommend Glenn to any establishment looking for a fun and mystifying evening.”

Jim McLain
Callawassie Island Club

Making His Audience Happy

Book Glenn Strange

Contact your favorite Speakers Bureau, Booking Agency,
or Call Direct 864-439-1369

Who Uses Glenn’s Program?

Associations
Businesses
Church Events
Chambers of Commerce
Theatres
Corporate Events
Award Banquets
Safety Banquets
Appreciation Banquets
Safety Banquets
Family Events
Senior Adult Events
Conventions
Resorts
Fundraisers
Sales Meetings
Conferences
Conferences
Trade Shows
Office Events

PPS – Bonus Joke:

A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames, and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck, and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.

Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire
department’s work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.

Without any hesitation, the fire captain said, “The first thing we’re gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that truck!”

Laugh at Your Problems

Thursday, May 16th, 2019

Remember. “Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.” You’re welcome.


Kids:

Billy: “Mom, are our neighbors very poor people?
Mother: “I don’t think so, Billy. Why do you ask?”
Billy: “Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin.”


Yard Sale:

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a yard sale.
They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33.
So I asked the owner if he had a pair.
He shook his head, and said. “I’m still wearing the 33s, come back next year.”


The Artist:

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings which happened to be on display.

“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.”

“What did you say?” questioned the artist.

“When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The gentleman was your doctor.”

Remember, You Can’t …

Thursday, May 9th, 2019

You can’t unsay a cruel thing. Thank about it.


Child Wisdom:

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up.”

The mother replied, “That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?”

“Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I
figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit and listen.”


Doctors:

The young doctor marched back to the older doctor and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”

The old doctor smiled as he continued to write on his clipboard. “Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”


PPS – Bonus Joke:

The police stop an old guy in questionable condition at two am. “What are you doing out so late, sir?” asks the police officer.

“I’m going to a seminar on ‘The harmful effects of alcohol,’ replies the man.

“Are you pulling my leg or something?“ says the police officer, “who would hold a seminar like that at this hour?”

The man sighs, “my wife.”


To Whisper​ or Yell

Thursday, May 2nd, 2019

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled. Thank about it.


Little Johnny:

Little Johnny goes to the local Farm & Ranch store to buy bird seed.
The salesperson asks, “How many birds do you have?
Little Johnny replies, “None, I want to grow some.”

Cowboy Wisdom:

1) Don’t sell your mule to buy a plow.
2) It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
3) Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.


This Was a First for Me

Over the years I’ve performed in many different type places; everything from lumber company loading docks to elaborate theatres. But, this past week was a first for me. The show was for an Alabama company’s Safety Awards Banquet, and the venue was in a building that was originally built and used as a WWll German prisoner of war camp.

PPS – Bonus Joke:

Jones had been late for work on Monday and again on Tuesday. His boss told him if he was late one more time that week, he would be out of a job. As luck would have it, Jones arrived an hour and a half late on that Friday. His boss was furious and told him to come into his office and shut the door.

“What’s the story this time, Jones?” asked his boss, “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”

Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning. My wife decided to drive me to work. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, as you can see my suit is still damp, ran out to the airport, got a ride on Clint Eastwood’s helicopter, landed on the roof of the next-door skyscraper, ran down 99 levels, and then came over here.”

His boss was furious and shouted, “Jones, you’re fired! What kind of an idiot do you think I am. No, wife gets ready in ten minutes.”


The Best Sermons Are …

Thursday, April 25th, 2019

The best sermons are lived, not preached. Thank about it.
Have a safe week, and be careful …. you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange


PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Definition:

Little Toe: Designed specifically to locate furniture when all the lights are off.


Question:

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, May I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!


Give the Gift of Laughter

Book Glenn for Your Event?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau
If You Prefer, You May Book Glenn Direct

Phone: 864-439-1369

PPS – Bonus Joke:

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.”


On her next visit, the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?”

“Yes,” the mother answered.

“And how is your son now?” he asked.

“Who cares?” she replied.


My Car Has a Problem

Thursday, April 4th, 2019

“My car has a problem. When I drive and eat donuts, the steering wheel gets sticky.” – Glenn Strange

The Joys of Parenthood:

Mother: “So what have you been doing at school today?”
Little Johnny: “I don’t really want to talk about it, right now. Watch the news, at 6:00.”​

Ten Commandments:

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy mother,” she asked, “is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shalt not kill.”

Give the Gift of Laughter

Book Glenn  for Your Event?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Bonus Joke:

One day, a man is walking along the beach and comes across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubs it and, much to his surprise, a genie actually appears. “For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes,” says the genie.

The man is ecstatic. “But there’s a catch,” the genie continues. “What catch?” asks the man, eyeing the genie suspiciously. The genie replies, “For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you ask for.” “Hey, I can live with that! No problem!” replies the elated man.

“What is your first wish?” asks the genie. “Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!” POOF! A Ferrari appears in front of the man. “Now, every lawyer in the world has been given TWO Ferraris,” says the genie. “What is your next wish?” “I could really use a million dollars,” replies the man, and POOF! One million dollars appears at his feet. “Now every lawyer in the world is TWO million dollars richer,” the genie reminds the man. “Well, that’s OK, as long as I’ve got MY million,” replies the man.

“And what is your final wish?” asks the genie. The man thinks long and hard, and finally says, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.”


Only Four Days Until April 1

Thursday, March 28th, 2019

Only four days until April Fools’ Day. It’s time to start planning “who” and “what.”


Wisdom Time:

Talking to yourself is okay. Sometimes you need expert advice. The question is, “Do you listen?”


Twins:

My brother has just started dating a wonderful girl, and he told me she has a twin. I ask him how he could tell them apart? He said, “It’s easy. Addison paints her fingernails and Allen has a beard.​


Give the Gift of Laughter

Book Glenn for Your Event?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

864-439-1369
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her cheek, then his again. Finally, she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.” “Oh,” she paused… “Grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.” Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”


St. Patrick’s Day is Near

Thursday, March 14th, 2019

Excitement:

Murry was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.


After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’


‘That’s GREAT!,’ shouted Murry, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?’

Question of the Day:

Q: What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?


A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Glenn Makes People Happy

Contact: info@GlennStrange.com

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

Irish Mothers Chat:

Two Irish mothers, Kate and Lorna, were talking about their sons.


Kate says, ‘My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he
hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.’


Lorna responds, ‘Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn’t he not
looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.’


‘My word,’ says Kate, ‘You must be so proud.’

‘I am,’ announces Lorna, ‘And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.’

Little Johnny Hits Again

Thursday, March 7th, 2019

Little Johnny’s teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, “De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail.”


The Way It Is:

Occasionally, women call me ugly. But that’s only until they hear how much
money I make. – Then they call me poor and ugly.


What People Say About Glenn:

“Your show is hilariously funny, clean, and doesn’t offend anyone. That mix is hard to find these days and very refreshing. Our entire group raved about your magic act.”
Sarah Percival
Fluor Daniel Engineering, Inc.


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Harry was thrilled. After seeing a psychologist for over three years, he was
finally pronounced free to go. “Wow this is so exciting you mean I am finally cured?!” “You mean I no longer have an inferiority complex!”

“Well,” said the psychologist slowly, “to be perfectly honest. I don’t
think you ever had an inferiority complex. After much thought. I believe you really are inferior!”


The Last Day of Febuary​

Thursday, February 28th, 2019

Today’s the last day of February. I guess February is the shortest month because the calendar-maker didn’t like cold weather. I understand he eventually moved to Florida.


BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange


Drugs

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”


Pharmacist: “You mean aspirin?”


Chemist: “That’s it! I can never remember that word.”


Hungry

I made a mistake and went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. I am now the happy owner of aisle Five.


What People Say About Glenn

“Having Glenn be part of the meeting on that first evening together definitely helped the group bond, interact with one another, and laugh together. Those that participated on the stage with Glenn became somewhat of a conference celebrity and asked if anyone had pictures……”
Barbara Lehew
Carolinas Credit Union League

Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

email: info@GlennStrange.com

CALL: 864-439-1369
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke

When your first child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you take it to a doctor.

When your third child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.

When your third child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.


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