Posts Tagged ‘NC’

St. Patrick’s Day is Near

Thursday, March 14th, 2019

Excitement:

Murry was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.


After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’


‘That’s GREAT!,’ shouted Murry, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?’

Question of the Day:

Q: What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?


A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Glenn Makes People Happy

Contact: info@GlennStrange.com

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

Irish Mothers Chat:

Two Irish mothers, Kate and Lorna, were talking about their sons.


Kate says, ‘My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he
hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.’


Lorna responds, ‘Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn’t he not
looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.’


‘My word,’ says Kate, ‘You must be so proud.’

‘I am,’ announces Lorna, ‘And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.’

Little Johnny Hits Again

Thursday, March 7th, 2019

Little Johnny’s teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, “De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail.”


The Way It Is:

Occasionally, women call me ugly. But that’s only until they hear how much
money I make. – Then they call me poor and ugly.


What People Say About Glenn:

“Your show is hilariously funny, clean, and doesn’t offend anyone. That mix is hard to find these days and very refreshing. Our entire group raved about your magic act.”
Sarah Percival
Fluor Daniel Engineering, Inc.


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Harry was thrilled. After seeing a psychologist for over three years, he was
finally pronounced free to go. “Wow this is so exciting you mean I am finally cured?!” “You mean I no longer have an inferiority complex!”

“Well,” said the psychologist slowly, “to be perfectly honest. I don’t
think you ever had an inferiority complex. After much thought. I believe you really are inferior!”


The Last Day of Febuary​

Thursday, February 28th, 2019

Today’s the last day of February. I guess February is the shortest month because the calendar-maker didn’t like cold weather. I understand he eventually moved to Florida.


BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange


Drugs

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”


Pharmacist: “You mean aspirin?”


Chemist: “That’s it! I can never remember that word.”


Hungry

I made a mistake and went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. I am now the happy owner of aisle Five.


What People Say About Glenn

“Having Glenn be part of the meeting on that first evening together definitely helped the group bond, interact with one another, and laugh together. Those that participated on the stage with Glenn became somewhat of a conference celebrity and asked if anyone had pictures……”
Barbara Lehew
Carolinas Credit Union League

Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

email: info@GlennStrange.com

CALL: 864-439-1369
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke

When your first child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you take it to a doctor.

When your third child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.

When your third child eats some dirt, a bit of grass, or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.


Only 307 Days Until …

Thursday, February 21st, 2019

Only 307 days until Christmas. Order your fruitcake now.


BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange


It’s Your Choice:

My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please, send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.


Big News:

A young wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great
news. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three living in this house instead of two.”
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was
glowing with happiness as kissed and held his wife closely.
She said, “I’m glad that you feel this way; my mother will be here tomorrow.”


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Stevie had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time.

Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind Stevie.
“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says Stevie.

“Nope,” dad replied, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you did to me for all those years.”


Laughter Leads to Loving

Thursday, February 14th, 2019

Because today is February 14, this is a Special Valentine Love edition.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Young Love:

Little Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Little Boy: “Really?”
Little Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”


Business Marketing:

A lady walks into a post office and notices a middle-aged, well-dressed man
standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. As he seals each envelop he sprays it with a puff of perfume.

The woman’s curiosity gets the better of her, so she goes up to the man and asks what he is doing. The man replies, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?

“But why would you do that?” she asks.

“Because I’m a divorce lawyer.”


I’m Excited:

On March 9, 2019, I will be performing two shows at the “Country Tonite Theatre” in Pigeon Forge, TN. I’m honored to be a part of the entertainment for this year’s “Winter Carnival of Magic”. Magicians and variety entertainers will be attending this long-running convention from all parts of the US, and the surrounding world. In other words, “There’s going to be a lot of professional deceivers there.”

Let’s Work Together to Bring
Fun and Laughter to Your Event?

Email: info@GlennStrange.com

Or CALL: 8640-439-1369

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Bonus Joke:

The Kids Were Asked

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Allen, age 10

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10

“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.” Fred,
age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.” Eddie, age 6

“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.” Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, age 8

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them
interested enough to go for a second date.” Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.” Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?

“When they’re rich.” Pam, age 7

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no
diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET
MARRIED?

“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?” Kelvin, age 8

“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.” Roberta, age 7

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.” Ricky, age 10

So, What’s Next?

Tuesday, February 5th, 2019

Well, Ground Hog Day and the Super Bowl are over. So, what’s next? Did you know? For the 11th straight year, Waffle House® restaurants will be the perfect spot for a romantic candlelight Valentine’s Day date.

More than 170 Waffle House restaurants in 19 states will be serving up special, white-tablecloth dinner service for the night dedicated to love.

Here’s a list of participating locations at wafflehouse.com.

I can’t think of a better way to make an everlasting impression on that special person.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Movie Restrictions:

I just came back from court. They charged this guy with bringing his own candy, popcorn, and cola into the movie theater. It’s sad that he lost, and he had to pay all the court fees plus his lawyer. The good thing is: he still has a few dollars left compared to what it would have cost him at the movie theater.


May I Take Your Order:

“Yes, I’ll have a vodka please!”
“Sir, this is a McDonald’s.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay. Then I’ll have a McVodka.” ​


What People Say About Glenn:

“Glenn is the best magician I’ve ever seen. He was a good baby too.”
Audry Strange
Glenn’s Mother


Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will Be FUN?

Contact: info@GlennStrange.com

Or CALL 864-439-1369

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Mrs. Hannie, the 6th-grade teacher, posed a math problem to her classes:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-tenth is to go to his wife, one-tenth is to go to his son, one-fourth to his butler, and the rest goes to his cat. Now, the question is: what does each person get?”

After a very long silence, Little Johnny raised his hand.

“Yes Johnny, what is your answer.”

Little Johnny answered, “A lawyer!”


Last Night I Dreamed

Thursday, January 31st, 2019

Only one day until Groundhog Day.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Surf and Sand:

Last night I dreamt of a long walk on a sandy beach.   At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.


Staff Meeting:

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with $800, if you find it, I’m offering a $100 finder’s fee!”

A voice in the background says: “I’m offering $200!”


Glenn’s Client Said:

“My ribs were sour for two days. The party was the talk of the office, and your comedy was recapped ever and over again, making each laugh more painful.”
Lisa Ellis
Mesa Associates, Inc.


Making Happy People Appear 



Your Event Will be FUN?

info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

In a small town in Scotland, the town’s seamstress passed away. Her husband called the local paper to run an obituary. After telling the woman at the paper what he wanted it to say, she said, “Angus, ye still have room for four more words.” Well, Angus was a thrifty Scotsman, but he said he didn’t know what else to say. The woman said, “How about ‘Loving mother, faithful wife.'” Angus didn’t like that. The woman suggested, “How about ‘God bless her soul.'” Angus didn’t like that either. Then Angus said, “I’ve got it! ‘Sewing machine for sale.’”


Only 11 Sleeps Until Christmas

Thursday, December 14th, 2017

Only 11 sleeps until Christmas. If today, you bought a dozen Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and ate one per day, your last doughnut would be eaten the day after Christmas. Plus, it would probably make you sick.

HEALTH WARNING: Doughnuts should be eaten within two days of the “Hot Light”.  Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Grandma Wisdom:
One Christmas, a mother, decided she was not going to remind her kids to send thank you notes. Because of that, the kids’ grandmother did not receive any thank notes for the Christmas checks she sent to the kids.

The next Christmas, all the grandkids stopped by in person to thank their grandmother for their checks.

Grandmother’s neighbor noticed and asked, “What caused this change in behavior?” The grandmother replied, “Simple. This year I didn’t sign their checks.”


The Christmas Wish:
When a father asked his five-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, the son replied, “A baby sister.”

As it turned out, the wife was pregnant and delivered on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day she brought home a brand new baby sister for their son.

The next year, the father asked his young son what he was thinking about for Christmas. The son said, “If it wouldn’t make mommy too uncomfortable, I’d like a pony.”


When Choosing Entertainment:
Remember: No one will complain because you made them laugh too much.


Photo From Backstage
Making Lighting Adjustments
A Special
“Thank You”
A special “Thank You” to Three on a String, and the Lyric Theater staff, and technical crews for making the Three on a String – Home for Christmas – Laughing All The Way Concert a huge sellout success. Hundreds of hours of planning and preparation went into presenting an event that ran flawlessly.  The two-hour concert included “Three on a String”, “Something Else Trio”, “The Warblers”, and “Glenn Strange”.

PPS – Your Bonus:A man walked into a doctor’s waiting room and asked if could see the doctor. The receptionist was hesitant to let him in, especially as it was Christmas Eve and she was waiting to turn off the Christmas lights in the waiting room and go home; but he was very insistent.

The Doctor, having had completed all his consultations for the day and feeling in a ‘good will to men’ mood, agreed to see him.

The man entered in a somewhat aimless manner and after some hesitation flopped into a chair and looked nervously around the room.

“How can I help you?” asked the doctor.

“Well, it’s like this,” said the man. “I keep thinking I’m a moth.”

“A moth?”

“Yes,” the man replied. “I’m convinced that I’m a moth.”

“Well I’m very sorry, but you’re in the wrong place. What you need is a psychiatrist”.

“That’s what I’ve been thinking” replied the man.

“Well, as it happens, I know just the man.” said the doctor “I’ll give him a call and see if he can fix an appointment for you after the holiday.”
The man agreed, and the doctor made the appointment.

“Tell me,” said the doctor “It must have been very apparent from the sign outside that I’m a general practitioner. So if you already know you need to see a psychiatrist, why did you come in?”

“Well,” the man said in a resigned voice “The door was open, and the lights were on …..”.


 

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