Posts Tagged ‘Magician’

Only 39 Sleeps Until Christmas.

Thursday, November 15th, 2018

Proverbs of a Fourth Grader:

1) Better late than… absent.

2) A penny saved… is not a lot.

3) Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and… then blow your nose.


Johnny’s Mom:

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.

His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and he just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said little

Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.

“I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like

that. Why didn’t you just laugh?”

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

Laughter is a gift that should be shared. So, brighten someone’s day and

forward this email to them.


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in northern Arizona when

she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip

was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she

would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the

Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw,

studying every little detail until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to

Sally.

“What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the bag and, smiling, said, “It’s a box of chocolates. I got it

for my husband.”

for my husband.”

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with

the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade.”

New Tires are Cheaper Than Medical Expenses

Thursday, November 8th, 2018

SAFETY TIP: When driving, those wet leaves lying on the road can be as slick as ice when you’re turning or trying to stop quickly. New tires are cheaper than medical expenses.

BE careful  … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


A Loving Husband:
A man and his wife walked past an expensive looking restaurant when his wife said, “What a gorgeous smell coming from that restaurant!”

Being kindhearted her husband agreed with her and thought, “What the heck, I’ll treat her!”

So, he walked her by the restaurant again!


Little Johnny Strikes Again:
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, “My daddy fell in a well last week.”
“My Goodness!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?”
“He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

We all know someone that could use some laughter in their day. So, please fill free to forward this email to your friends or print it out and hand-deliver them a hard copy.


Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
Thanks To, J. Gaston

An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

DrYoung: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

DrGeezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

DrYoung: ‘Aaagh! — This is Gasoline!”

DrGeezer: “Congratulations!

You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

DrYoung gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

DrYoung: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

DrGeezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

DrYoung: “Oh, no you don’t — that is Gasoline!”

DrGeezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

DrYoung (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

DrYoung: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”

DrGeezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “Here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”



Pumpkin Spice Flavors

Thursday, October 25th, 2018

Only 6 Days Until Halloween.

There’s a reason Pumpkin Spice flavors are only available during the fall season. It’s because no one likes the taste of pumpkin.

I looked it up, and pumpkins are considered fruit. I don’t agree. Plums, oranges, bananas, apples, grapes, pineapples, strawberries, and watermelons are fruit.  Never in my life have I heard anyone say, “Y’all come over to the house this afternoon. We’re going to cut up a pumpkin.”

BE careful when you’re out there … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS-Don’t miss this week’s Halloween Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Stay Calm:
In a grocery store, a man was pushing a shopping cart that contained a screaming baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”


Older Person Wisdom:
As we grow older and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $600 or $60 watch – – – they both tell the same time.


What Clients Say:

“Glenn Strange did an excellent job for the Employees’ Service Banquet.  His talents as a magician are as good as anyone in the business.  We will be glad to recommend his performance for any group needing good,  clean entertainment.”
        Wade Bowman,  Manager
Coats American

Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Halloween Bonus:
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then dresses like a pumpkin and sits on Boss’ desk. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a jack-o-lantern.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” Her coworker starts to follow her, and the boss says, “Where do you think YOU are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”


Dog Steals Roast Beef

Thursday, October 18th, 2018

Only 13 Days Until Halloween. When I was a kid, we had to walk for miles going door to door begging for candy. At the end of the night, we had blisters on our feet, a half sandwich bag of candy, two apples, and six pecans.  Nowadays kids are driven to a Baptist church parking lot and come home with eight pounds of quality candy. They never even work up a sweat.

Enjoy this week’s funnies, and forward them to a friend. It’s free, and you’ll feel good.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS-Don’t miss this week’s Halloween Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Hungry Dog:
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to his neighbor. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

The butcher called up his lawyer neighbor and ask, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”

The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “$12.68.” said the butcher.

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $12.68.

Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $180.00


Wisdom & Nonsense:
!) “I haven’t failed at anything, I’ve just found all the wrong ways of doing it!!”– Unknown
2) “I never do anything by accident. I just like people to think I do.” – Unknown
3) “If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.” – Unknown


What People are Saying:

“He had the audience laughing so hard they had to wipe their tears away. Glenn Strange is a very gifted entertainer and I can strongly recommend him to others.”
      Ray J. McMinn, Chairman
Carolina Power & Light Company

Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Halloween Bonus:
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. In the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?” “Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”


Kicked Out of Heaven

Thursday, October 11th, 2018

Only 19 days until Halloween. Time to buy your candy or prepare to sit quietly in the dark.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Baby Brother:
Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”
“He came from heaven, Johnny.”
“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”


New Math:
The teacher asks Mike if he knows his numbers.
“Yes,” he says. “My daddy taught me.”
“Can you tell me what comes after three?”
“Four,” answers little Mike.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven,” answers Mike.
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did an excellent job.
What comes after ten?”
“A jack,” answers Mike.


What the Chamber of Commerce Said:
“We have received compliments all week on Glenn Strange’s performance. Our guest left the event in a positive and cheerful mode, reminded of Glenn’s incredibly meaningful closure. They’re also still trying to figure out how in the world he made it snow.”
         Ginnie Currin
Granville County Chamber of Commerce


Make Your Next Event Fun

PPS – Your Bonus:
Documented 9-1-1 Calls:

Dispatcher:9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher:9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table, and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before, and I’m sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher:9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven, but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller:  I thought you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller:  Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.


Took My Dog To The Movie

Thursday, October 4th, 2018

Wrong Answer:
Wife: “What are you doing?”
Husband: “Nothing.”
Wife: “Nothing? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”
Husband: “I was looking for the expiration date.”


Conversation:
Employee: “Sir, what is the secret of your success?”
Manager: “Two words.”

Employee: “And, Sir, what are they?”
Manager: “Right decisions.”

Employee: “And how do you make right decisions?”
Manager: “One word.”

Employee: “And, What is that?”
Manager: “Experience.”

Employee: “And how do you get Experience?”
Manager: “Two words.”

Employee: “And, Sir, what are they?”
Manager: “Wrong decisions.”


What People are Saying:
“Glenn, your show was GREAT! I heard many favorable comments. We thank you for performing at the ‘Lyric Theatre’ and hope you can come back. What a terrific and entertaining combination of magic, humor, and audience participation.”
       Brant Beene – Executive Director
       Lyric Theatre and Alabama Theatre


Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May Book Glenn Through

Your FavoriteBooking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Your Bonus:
A man running a little behind schedule arrives at the cinema, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie.

It even seemed to be enjoying the movie: wagging its tail in the happy bits, dropping its ears at the sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits.

After the movie, the man approaches the dog’s owner, “Wow, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I’m amazed!”

“Yes, I can’t believe it myself,” came the reply. “He hated the book.”​


 

Want a Reason to Laugh

Thursday, September 27th, 2018

Residual Income:
I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay …… again.


Q & A:
Teacher:“Whoever answers my next question, can go home early.”
Little Johnny throws his book bag out the window.
Teacher: “Who threw that?”
Little Johnny:“Me ….. see y’all tomorrow.”


Public Show Wednesday, Oct 3:
You are invited to Wellford Baptist Churchon Wednesday, October 3, for a family fun night of comedy and magic. For ages 5 to 105. The show will start at 6:30 pm in the sanctuary. I hope you can make it. Bring your friends and let’s have fun laughing together!   GPS Information:  235 Syphrit Road, Wellford, SC 29385



Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A politician running for office toured the country. His campaign took him to all the backward places of the country and to places that most of us have only seen on maps.Unlike other office-seekers, this politician took his wife along, especially to the more remote locations. When the elections were over, the man found that his “family man” image had helped him to be victorious.But he still looked glum. One day, his friend asked him: “Why so glum, buddy? You’ve won the election. People are so impressed with your family-person image. They really appreciate you for having taken your wife along on your campaign, no matter how remote or dangerous the route was.” “What’s the use,” the politician grumbled. “She always found her way back!”

You’re Invited … October 3

Thursday, September 20th, 2018

Question:
Me: “Do you think it’s strange to talk to yourself?”
Me: “No.”


Mr. Perfect:
A husband finds his wife hanging from a rope in his toolshed.

There was a note saying, “I really can’t stand your criticsm any longer!”

He quickly cut the rope and revived her back to life.

As she lay in my arms He could see her eyes slowly open, and he said, “Come on, you should know, that’s not how you spell criticism.”


Family Show Rescheduled To Oct 3:
Due to Hurricane Florence, the Wellford Baptist Church public show was rescheduled to Wednesday, October 3. The show will start at 6:30 pm in the sanctuary. I hope you can make it. Family Fun for ages 5 to 105. Bring your friends and let’s have fun laughing together!   GPS Information:  235 Syphrit Road, Wellford, SC 29385



Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the sheep’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the sheep. “Your name is written inside the cover.”  ​

Mark Your Calendars For Sunday

Tuesday, September 11th, 2018

Hurricane Florence is making this a stressful time for many of you. Be sure and read my message at the end of this newsletter.

Time to take a short laugh-break, and enjoy this week’s funnies.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


There’s a New Drug:
Doctor:  “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor:  “Every two hours.”


Missing:
I saw a poster with a picture of a cat, and it asked, “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and said, “No.”


Mark Your Calendar, Tell Your Friends:
If you are in the upstate area of South Carolina, mark your calendar for Sunday, September 16. This program is open to the public and will be at Wellford Baptist Church, in Wellford, SC. Fellowship with Finger Foods begins in the Social Hall at 5:00 pm and the show starts in the Sanctuary at 5:45 pm. We would love to see your smiling face in the audience. So, bring your friends, family, and loved ones. Let’s have fun laughing together!


Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
From my magic friend Tate:
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.’I’d like to be eight again.’ she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again’?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant my dress size, you moron!!!!’

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.


A Message From Glenn:
Many of you receiving this email will be affected by Hurricane Florence. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Whether you are planning to ride-it-out or you’re traveling away from it, please be safe before, during, and after this storm. It only takes a second to change the rest of your life.

Glenn Strange


Characterize yourself in …..

Thursday, August 30th, 2018

Question:
My college professor asked me to characterize myself in five words.
“Quite lazy.”


Growing Up:
A small young lady in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the collection plates. She tugged on her father’s coat sleeve to get his attention, “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“This was my second time seeing Glenn’s show, and I enjoyed the show as much the second time as I did the first.”
        Ronald Pruett, Milliken​ Corp


Great Fun Audience Interaction
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A news reporter asked a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup, and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”

The reporter smiles: “Ah, I understand if you are sane you will take the bucket.”

The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”


 

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