Posts Tagged ‘magic’

You’re Invited … October 3

Thursday, September 20th, 2018

Question:
Me: “Do you think it’s strange to talk to yourself?”
Me: “No.”


Mr. Perfect:
A husband finds his wife hanging from a rope in his toolshed.

There was a note saying, “I really can’t stand your criticsm any longer!”

He quickly cut the rope and revived her back to life.

As she lay in my arms He could see her eyes slowly open, and he said, “Come on, you should know, that’s not how you spell criticism.”


Family Show Rescheduled To Oct 3:
Due to Hurricane Florence, the Wellford Baptist Church public show was rescheduled to Wednesday, October 3. The show will start at 6:30 pm in the sanctuary. I hope you can make it. Family Fun for ages 5 to 105. Bring your friends and let’s have fun laughing together!   GPS Information:  235 Syphrit Road, Wellford, SC 29385



Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the sheep’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the sheep. “Your name is written inside the cover.”  ​

Mark Your Calendars For Sunday

Tuesday, September 11th, 2018

Hurricane Florence is making this a stressful time for many of you. Be sure and read my message at the end of this newsletter.

Time to take a short laugh-break, and enjoy this week’s funnies.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


There’s a New Drug:
Doctor:  “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor:  “Every two hours.”


Missing:
I saw a poster with a picture of a cat, and it asked, “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and said, “No.”


Mark Your Calendar, Tell Your Friends:
If you are in the upstate area of South Carolina, mark your calendar for Sunday, September 16. This program is open to the public and will be at Wellford Baptist Church, in Wellford, SC. Fellowship with Finger Foods begins in the Social Hall at 5:00 pm and the show starts in the Sanctuary at 5:45 pm. We would love to see your smiling face in the audience. So, bring your friends, family, and loved ones. Let’s have fun laughing together!


Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
From my magic friend Tate:
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.’I’d like to be eight again.’ she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again’?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant my dress size, you moron!!!!’

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.


A Message From Glenn:
Many of you receiving this email will be affected by Hurricane Florence. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Whether you are planning to ride-it-out or you’re traveling away from it, please be safe before, during, and after this storm. It only takes a second to change the rest of your life.

Glenn Strange


Characterize yourself in …..

Thursday, August 30th, 2018

Question:
My college professor asked me to characterize myself in five words.
“Quite lazy.”


Growing Up:
A small young lady in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the collection plates. She tugged on her father’s coat sleeve to get his attention, “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“This was my second time seeing Glenn’s show, and I enjoyed the show as much the second time as I did the first.”
        Ronald Pruett, Milliken​ Corp


Great Fun Audience Interaction
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A news reporter asked a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup, and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”

The reporter smiles: “Ah, I understand if you are sane you will take the bucket.”

The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”


 

WARNING: Laughter Below

Thursday, August 9th, 2018

Summer is near end and schools are starting up. Watch out for those big yellow school buses with the swinging “STOP SIGN”. They’re always surrounded by fast-moving excited kids. Please be careful …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Wilie 1, Teacher 0:
Teacher: This is the fourth time you’ve been late for school this week Willie! Do you know what that means?!
Little Willie: It means it’s Thursday.


Back To School:
Summer vacation was over and Little Sammy returned back to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait just a minute,” she said. “I had Sammy with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!; couldn’t you show me the same courtesy?”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“You were awesome! The planning committee members and I received rave reviews on your
presentation. Glenn, you are a meeting planner’s dream. You delivered and we looked good!”.
        Patricia Gisinger, Manager
       North Dakota Telephone Association


Get Your Tickets NOW!
This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
Little Johnny is continuously late for school and what’s worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why. The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.

The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late. Johnny says, “I was two hours early today, so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound Bass and had to take it home. If I didn’t clean it and freeze it, my mom would’ve been angry. That’s why I’m so late”.

The teacher promptly takes him to the principal’s office and explains the story to the principal. The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day. He says, “I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?”

Johnny replies, “Oh yeah, that’s my dog Sparky. That’s his third bear this week.”


You Can Detect Mental Disorders

Thursday, August 2nd, 2018

Detecting Mental Disorders :
“Would you mind telling me, doctor,” Benny asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three voyages around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’

Benny thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess, I don’t know much about history.”


School’s Starting Soon:
Little Billy’s 2nd-grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
“Billy,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Billy says, “Yeah!”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Your act was refreshingly original and one of the funniest we have had ever seen. You will long be remembered as one of the top best performers to have graced Upstate Magic Fest.”
      James Batten
New York Upstate
Magi Fest


This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry.

“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.”

“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful, and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.
The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”

“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh, what was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle.”


Got a New Dog … Named Him …

Thursday, July 26th, 2018

New Dog:
I got a new dog, and I named him Three-Miles. It sounds great to say I walk Three-Miles twice a day.


Kid and Kittens:
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. “How did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Your lively entertainment made all the difference for our guest. I will not hesitate to recommend your services to our clients and associates through the year.”
          Laura Rupnik, Director of Catering
          Chateau Elan


This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
FOR THE LADIES
While reading the sports section of the newspaper, Mike came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was known for his verbal abuse of his opponents and his low IQ.

“I’ll never understand,” he said to his wife, “why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replied, “Why, thank you, dear.”

You Know You’re Lazy When …

Thursday, July 12th, 2018

We’re on the down-hill side of summer.
Please be careful on your vacation, because someone you know and somebody you have yet to meet, loves you …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Wisdom and Nonsense:
1)  You know you’re lazy when you get excited about canceled plans.
2)  The first 50 years of marriage are the hardest.
3)  People said, “Follow your dreams”… so I went BACK TO BED!


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“I’ve asked people to give me their honest critique of our fundraiser. Without exception everyone polled and many more not asked have raved about you and the story you shared. If I lived two lifetimes, I could not thank you enough for your amazing show and your personal story.”
       Brandon Cox
Calvary Home for Children


Improving Events with Laughter


Call  864-439-1369
Are Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A Texas rancher goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer, and they start talking.

The Aussie shows the Texan a large wheat field and the Texan says. Oh, we have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.

They walk around a little, and the Australia shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have long horns that are at least as twice as large your cows.”

The conversation dies down until the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos moving across the field. “What are those?”, ask the Texan.

The Aussie replies, “What, you don’t have grasshoppers in Texas?”


Our children will never hear:

Thursday, June 21st, 2018

“Our children will never hear: Call collect and ask for yourself. That way, we’ll know you got there safely.” – Glenn Strange

…. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Dr. Phil:
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee, and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“​


What People Said In Court:
The following are from actual courtroom records in a book called Disorder in the Courts, By Charles Sevilla1)   ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The Live Ones Put Up Too Much Of A Fight.2)  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the Individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a Male or a Female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town I’m going with male.

3)  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Glenn’s act was very well received both by our management and our customers, which in turn translate to great value for those of us planning the event.”
      Rod Glinisty
      Eastman Chemical Company


Making Happy People Appear


Call  864-439-1369 
Are Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
Cowboy Wisdom
Don’t name a pig you plan to eat.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
It’s better to be a has-been than a never-was.
If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t
It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.


Father’s Day Should Be Moved to …

Thursday, June 14th, 2018

“Every Mother’s Day the pastor delivers a heartfelt, loving message of praise and appreciation for mothers.  On Father’s Day, his message is for fathers to grow up, throw their toys away, and be a faithful, loving husband, that God expects them to be.  Makes me wish Father’s Day fell on a Tuesday.” – Glenn Strange

Safety Tip: When driving in the rain during the daytime. Try wearing your sunglasses. You should be able to see clearer.  Call me when you get there …. you know how I worry…

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Love Letters:
Judy’s grandmother once told Judy about how she and Judy’s grandfather met. “I was dating this man, but suddenly he left for war. We wrote love letters to each other, and I learned how splendid the man was.” Judy asked her grandmother, “So you married him when he came back from war?” Her grandmother laughed, ”Oh, no! Your grandfather was the mailman!”


Ask a Kid:
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “Sammy, how do you expect to get into Heaven?”

Sammy thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Sammy, come in or stay out!'”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Many thanks to Glenn Strange for making our holiday party a huge success and for making me look REALLY good in front of my boss!”
      Keith McDonald, PHR
      Justice Federal Credit Union
      Washington, DC


Making Happy People Appear


Call  864-439-1369
Are Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
One day the first-grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,”The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”

One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ’Holy Smokes!  A talking chicken!'”

Horse for Sale

Thursday, May 17th, 2018

Enjoy this week’s funnies and share them with a friend.

Be careful on the highways … the roads may be slick …. you know how I worry.
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Weighing In At:
A woman caught her husband standing on the bathroom scales and sucking in his stomach.
Wife:  “Dear, you know, that won’t help?”
Husband:  “Oh it helps a lot, it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”


Why English is Confusing:
1) The soldier decided to *desert* his dessert in the *desert*.
2) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it  was time to  *present* the *present*.
3) He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out.


Glenn’s Client Says:
“Thank you for your wonderful performance at our annual convention in Destin, FL. All the comments have been very positive and complimentary. Your magic and comedy appealed to both children and adults, and that made the evening a tremendous success.”

        Doris Hydrick
Alabama Manufactured Housing Institute


Laughter at Pinehurst Resort!


Call  864-439-1369
Are Just hit*Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A young man named Don bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day, the farmer drove up to Don’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.” Don replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Don said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.” The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?” Don said, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!” Don said, “Sure I can, watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month Later, the farmer met up with Don and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?” Don said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Don said, “Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his five dollars back.”

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