Posts Tagged ‘laughter is the best medicine’

Take a Minute to Laugh

Sunday, July 30th, 2017

June 15th is National Smile Power Day.  This is a day for everyone to share the power of the smile.

Your smile cost you nothing but can be priceless to those that care about you.

Remember: Worn tires make all roads dangerous. Replace your tires before you hear the sound of breaking glass ….. you know how I worry.


Nonsense:

1) You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.
2) Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
3) Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Traffic Signs:

A cop pulls over a car with 5 nuns on their way to an out of town meeting.
Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?”
Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.”
Cop: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.

Quote from Glenn’s Client
“The response from everyone has been overwhelmingly positive. We are still laughing at some of your jokes and the sight of our distinguished administrator on stage with you.”
        Debra Hancock, Rn, CNN
Dialysis Clinics, Inc.


Everyone Enjoys Clean Comedy
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Understanding Why

Aman woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.

He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight. He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the 1st bottle swearing, “You’re the reason I fight with my wife”.

He smashed the 2nd bottle, “You’re the reason my children don’t speak to me”.

He smashed the 3rd bottle, “You’re the reason I don’t have a decent job”.

When he took the 4th bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for a moment and said, “You stand aside. I know you were not involved”.


Time For Your Laugh Break

Saturday, July 29th, 2017

Because of June 22, being “National Onion Ring Day”, your bonus this week in a mouth-watering fried onion ring recipe.

Remember: It only takes a second to change someone’s life. Keep your little ones and yourself safe. Use the back burners for cooking and turn your pot and pan handles away from the edge of the stove. ….. you know how I worry.


Wisdom:
1)  If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2)  Age is a high price for maturity.
3)  Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.


Shopping:
A 56-year-old man walked into a hardware store.
Clerk:  “May I help you find something?”
Man:  “How about my misspent youth.”
Clerk: “Oh, we keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”


Lost Wife:
Husband: My wife’s missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff:  Height?
Husband:  I’m not sure.  A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff:  Weight?
Husband:  She won’t tell me. She’s not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff:  Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think.  Never really noticed.
Sheriff:  Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year, not sure. I can’t remember.
Sheriff:  What was she wearing?
Husband:  Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt. I don’t know exactly.
Sheriff:  What kind of car did she go in?
Husband:  She went in my truck.
Sheriff:  What kind of truck was it?
Husband:  A pearl white, 2016 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching bed cover. Leather seats and Weather Tech floor mats. Trailering package with a sunroof (never been opened), GPS navigation, 8 cup holders, a USB port, and 4 power outlets. Special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a large scratch on the driver’s door.
At this point, the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it, easy sir, we’ll find your truck!


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“What a great show!  Everyone’s still talking about Glenn’s incredible performance.  He mystified, entertained us, and kept us laughing too hard.”
S. Cash
        The Parnell-Martin Companies


Everyone Enjoys Clean Comedy
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PSS – Your Bonus Onion Ring Recipe:Serves 4 people
INGREDIENTS:
1) Two Large Onions
2) One cup all-purpose flour
3) Two cups buttermilk
4) One tablespoon sugar
5) One teaspoon baking powder
6) Half teaspoon salt
7) Peanut oil
DIRECTIONS:
1) Cut onions into 1/2-inch slices, and separate into rings.
2) Set aside.
3) Whisk together flour and next 4 ingredients until smooth.
4) Pour 2″ depth oil into a Dutch oven (heavy cooking pot); heat to 375°.
5) Dip onion rings in batter, coating well.
6) Fry, a few rings at a time, until golden.
7) Drain on paper towels.
8) Serve immediately.


 

Time For A Laugh Break

Friday, July 28th, 2017

June 29, is National Camera Day. George Eastman did not invent the camera, but he did improve the use, ease, and production of the camera, making it available to the world. I just discovered that I can actually make phone calls with my camera. Amazing!


July 4 Fun Facts:
1)  Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson served on the committee that picked the eagle for the national seal (Franklin wanted the turkey).
2)  Bald eagles have few natural enemies and live only in North America.
3)  Bald eagles get their white head and tail feathers about 4/5 years of age.
4)  Bald eagles are not, and never were bald. The term comes from when “bald” meant “white-headed”.
5)  Their maximum speed: 40 mph or over 100 mph while in a dive.
6)  Bald eagles mate for life, but if one dies, the survivor will accept a new mate.
7)  The only other kind of eagle in North America is the golden eagle.
8)  They can lift roughly half their body weight.
9)  The Bald Eagle is no longer considered endangered, and now only threatened.
10) It is a felony to shoot an eagle.


4th of July & Barbeque:
A man was out for a walk one day, and on his travels, he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.

“This is no ordinary pig,” said the farmer. “For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire department and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!”

“And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned – knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire.”

The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said: “Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?”

“Well,” said the farmer “when you’ve got a pig as good as that, you don’t eat him all at once!”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Glenn’s combination of magic and comedy made our celebration a huge success.  People are still talking about his “Mind Reading Kit.”
      James Harlan
Eastman Kodak


Humorous & Thought Provoking Quotes of Benjamin Franklin (1705-1790)
1) “Some are weather-wise, some are otherwise.”
2) “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.”
3) “Fish and visitors smell in three days.”
4) “Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.”
5) “Well done is better than well said.”
6) “There never was a good war nor a bad peace.”
7) “Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
8)  “Where there’s marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. ”
9)  “Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What’s a sundial in the shade?”
10) “Little strokes fell great oaks.”


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Take a Laugh Break

Thursday, July 27th, 2017

July 13, is National French Fry Day.
“The reason I eat french fries is so, I’ll have somewhere to put my Ketchup.” – Glenn Strange

SAFETY WARNING: Texting while driving can lead to misspelled words ….. Please be careful, you know how I worry.


Bits of Wisdom:
1)  My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
2)  Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
3)  Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.


Game Time:
A college football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”

The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, “Okay, now concentrate… what is 2 plus 2?”

The player thought for a moment, and then he answered, “4?”

“Did you say 4?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Thank you so much for your great and very funny performance. We rotate the annual meeting around to all 13 southern states, and the comments from many participants indicated this was the ’best show in years’ I know I enjoyed it more than any of the entertainment programs I’ve attended.”
       W. Lazenby
Georgia Forestry Commission


Everyone Enjoys Clean Comedy
Make Your Event One They Will Remember
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GOLF
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn’t even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, “Whoa! What are we going to do?”

The other ant said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get on the ball.”



Take a Minute to Laugh

Wednesday, July 26th, 2017

July 6, is National Fried Chicken Day. A special “Thank You” to Scottish immigrants that introduced Southern America to this tradition. Some people are dog people, and some are cat people, but my favorite pet is fried chicken.

Speaking of pets: Today’s Pet Safety Tip:  Don’t let your dog ride in an open truck bed. Put your brother-in-law back there and let your dog ride up front with you ….. you know how I worry.


Then and Now:
In the 1950’s, a father would come home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, and I’m working late. Pizza in the fridge.”


Pearls of Wisdom:
1) Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
2) Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.​
3) Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“To say people have talked about Glenn Strange since the convention is an understatement. Glenn’s act was refreshingly original and one of the funniest we have had ever seen.”
       James Batten
New York Upstate Magi Fest


Everyone Enjoys Clean Comedy
Call   864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

I Read It In A Book

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be THE Man of Your House”. Finding new courage that he never knew he had, he stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is the ‘Law.’ You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, bring it to me, and when I am done eating my meal, you will clear the dishes and serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and you will do as I want! Afterward, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will put on soothing music, wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. You will massage my feet and hands to relieve any last bit of tension so that I can sleep like a baby. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?

The wife replied, “The funeral director would be my first guess unless I decide to have you cremated.”

Hallmark Channel Overdose

Sunday, November 30th, 2014

I feel I’ll throw up, if I have to watch another “Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie”. My wife took possession of the TV remote Thanksgiving night. It’s now only the first part of December, and I’ve already had enough Christmas. Every Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie has the same basic storyline. All they do is change the faces, the names, and the “Welcome To” sign, at the edge of some small town. And, every character in the movie speaks with a low soft voice like they’re visiting the family at a funeral home.

A typical Hallmark storyline goes like this: Beautiful small town girl can’t wait to grow up, graduate college, and move to the big city to land a high paying corporate job, become famous, and live the dream life married to a wealthy doctor. After about 10 years of being away from her small hometown, she’s forced to return to care for one or both of her aging and/or dying parents. She returns home divorced by the doctor, and with a 6 year old daughter. She’s forced to take a job in retail for a friend of the family’s gift shop.

One day as she’s walking on her hometown downtown sidewalk, she runs into her old sweetheart. The guy she dated when she was a cheerleader and he was the high school star quarterback. It seems, 3 years ago, his wife was killed in a single car accident, on a rain-slickened highway. He’s still grieving and suffering from nightmares. He feels it was his fault, because of his low paying job, he couldn’t afford a new set of Michelins. Now, he’s a single dad with a handsome little boy, that just happens to be the same exact age as her beautiful daughter.

They mess around in the movie for a good 50 to 60 minutes. One’s in love with the other and the other keeps fighting it. Then with 12 minutes left in the movie, it’s always Christmas time. (I can still hear that Hallmark bell tinkling sound in the background. Same music that’s used in every Hallmark Movie.) Well, they finally agree that they’re in love and should get marry, because that’s what they should’ve done when they were young. The last scene is at night, and everyone in town’s happy, singing Christmas songs in the park, and it’s snowing like crazy. THE END. Pass me another Kleenex, and get ready cause there’s another one a comin on.

Sorry, thanks for listening. I feel better now.

40 Reasons To Be Happy

Sunday, March 2nd, 2014

Happy People:
1. Are More Productive
2. Are Healthier
3. Are Fun to be Around
4. Think Clearly
5. Make Better Decisions
6. Make Decisions Quickly
7. Correct Bad Decisions and Move Forward
8. Enjoy More Success in Life
9. Experience a Better Quality Life
10. Have Better Problem Solving Skills
11. Maintain a Well-balanced Lifestyle
12. Have Great Social Lives
13. Know Their Purpose in Life
14. Are Energetic
15. Are Creative
16. Are Trusting
17. Have Positive Self-Image
18. Are Responsive
19. Keep Friends
20. Make Friends Quickly
21. Make Better Leaders
22. Feel Good on the Inside
23. Live Longer
24. Have Successful Relationships
25. Endure Pain Better
26. Endure Sad Times Better
27. Have Happy Families
28. Have Self Control
29. Have Higher Job Productivity
30. Receive Higher Pay
31. Have Less Depression
32. Handle Stress Better
33. Have Better Comprehension Skills
34. Make Others Feel Important
35. Think Positively
36. Act Positively
37. Are Winners
38. Have Goals
39. Encourage Others
40. Are Team Players

 Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

To Read Other Fun Glenn Strange Blog Post Click Here

What’s So Funny?

Friday, June 7th, 2013

“Laughter, a Gift that Should Be Re-gifted”. Watch waiting tram passengers as they’re secretly videoed from multiple camera angles. This short clip is proof that laughter is both a universal language and contagious.

If video is not visible, click here: http://youtu.be/Wk9-gkT2bI8

I’ll Never Forget the Day

Tuesday, October 9th, 2012

It was a beautiful morning, not a cloud in the sky, and then I peed in the water cooler. Everyone experiences something in life that’s never forgotten. Could be your first kiss, your first car, or the birth of your children. For me, it was that Friday morning I peed in the doctor’s water cooler. Well, it’s probably not as bad as you’re thinking, but it was pretty bad. Let’s just say, “I marked it.”

Let me explain. You see, my wife and I made the decision to change our family doctor. We’d heard many good comments about this young doctor whose office was not far from our house. Plus, his office manager was a long time family friend. We made our appointments. I was to go for my first visit on a Friday and my wife was to go the following Friday.

Now, for a little background information. You see, our previous doctor was not in a new building like this new doctor. In our previous doctor’s office, when you were asked for a specimen, the lab person simply handed you an empty cup, you walked across the hall to the restroom, added your personal product, and carefully returned the filled cup to the lab person. Being careful not to overflow, spill, or drop along the way.

I’m going to move a little forward in the story and give you information that I did not know at the time of my first visit. See, the new doctor’s office had a handy dandy stainless steel  double door box, built into the wall between the restroom and the lab.

Urnial Drop Box It was kind of like those room connecting double doors you see in hotels, but only about one foot square and located at near waist high.  The idea is, when the sample has been collected, the donor opens door #1, places the cup containing the sample inside the box, closes the door, washes hands, and returns to the lab waiting area.  After the appropriate amount of time, the lab person opens door #2, on the opposite side, and removes the cup with the sample, and conducts the testing. What an ingenious idea! Keep in mind, this was my first time in this office and I did not know this handy-dandy wall box was even in existence. There was no big yellow arrow pointing to the box, nor was there a sign explaining it’s purpose, or giving step by step instructions.

Now, back to the story in real time. I arrive for my appointment early in order to fill out lots and lots of paperwork. Once that’s completed, I’m soon called back to meet with the doctor. Things are going along well. Everything jumps when it’s hit with the little green rubber headed hammer, nothing skips a beat, nor does anything hurt when he pushes. The first part is soon over and the doctor walks with me to the lab waiting area. We shake hands, I have a seat, and thumb through a National Geographic enjoying the pictures.

Soon, the lab-lady enters the waiting area with her extended hand containing a paper cup. Now, I notice this cup is not like the small clear plastic cups my other doctor uses. This cup is paper and much bigger: about the size of a McDonald’s coffee cup without the handles.

Now, I’m already nervous and we’re entering into the test portion. My mind begins racing at 90 miles an hour,  “I hope she doesn’t expect me to fill this thing up, because there’s no way. If she does, I may have to go back to my other doctor and that means all that paperwork I just filled out will be for nothing.”  As she hands me the cup, she says in a polite voice, “We need a sample. Go around the corner on the left, first door on the left, place the cup in the silver box when you’re done, and I’ll remove it from there.”  My mind races again. Before she’s even completed her instructions, I’m already repeating everything over and over in my head.   At the same time, I’m asking myself, “Glenn, why did you choose to wear khaki pants today, you had navy blue ones hanging beside them? Now, you’re going to have to be even more careful. Odds or not in your favor, Glenn. What where you thinking anyway?”

So I take the cup from her, repeating to myself as I begin walking, “Go around the corner, on the left. There it is, I see it. That wasn’t hard, now was it? First door on the left. There it is, just as she said, first door on the left. Now, make sure it’s not the lady’s room. You would hate to go in the lady’s room. It’s not!! I’m doing good. Now, she said something about a

Water Coolersilver box. Where could it be?  Oh, there’s a silver box, just outside of the restroom door. That must be the one she’s talking about. But it’s not a cube shaped box. It’s more rectangular. I guess some people may consider that a box. Besides, that must be it;  Why would they locate something like that beside the restroom door if it weren’t for urine samples? I’ll bet that’s some new kind of urine testing machine. I see the little recessed indention in the front. That must be where you sit your cup. I bet there are one or two small stainless steel tubes, like drinking straws, that automatically slowly lower themselves down into the contents. They probably pull a vacuum. One straw pulls just the correct amount to run the test, and the other one is programed to empty the unused contents into the sewer system. There, I see where the cup sits on some grading that’s located in the indention area. That’s smart. In case you spill some there’s a drain under the grading. I’ll bet, after the sampling is completed that grading opens up like a trap door and the cup drops down into a small trash compactor like you see in new kitchens on the “Home & Garden Channel”. What a great invention! With this machine, no humans have to physically touch anything. It’s all done automatically. Amazing! I can’t wait to place my sample in the machine, and watch it work.”

So, I enter the restroom and things go great. No drips, no spills, and my khakis look perfect. I’m now feeling more relaxed and relieved. The hard part is over. I soon proudly exit the restroom with my sample in hand. I step to the front of the testing machine, bend at the knees and with the gentle precision of an astronaut docking his spacecraft, I guide my paper cup into the recessed area of the urine testing machine. Once it’s safely resting in place, I release my grip, carefully remove my hand, and watch expecting to see the two stainless straws lower and the testing process begin. I wait, but nothing happens.  I assume it’s probably not set to automatic, and the lab-lady will soon come out and push the manual  override start button.

So, I straighten up from my bended knee position and return to the waiting area and my National Geographic. As I’m thumbing through the pages and enjoying the beauty of the multi green colors of the South American rain forest, the lab-lady appears in the corner of my eye. I look up and she says, “I need to get your sample.” I say, “I put it in the box”. She then says, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see it. I’ll get it.”  At that moment she starts walking around the corner and I’m following closely because I want to witness those two stainless steel straws as they lower into the sample. I thought it strange that she was not walking toward the urine testing machine, but she was stopping early and reaching for the restroom door.

For some reason, it was at that very instant I got this weird gut feeling. I sensed the lab-lady was having an ‘I-do-not-need-this’ experience.  Again my mind begins traveling at 90 miles an hour and a sickening thought enters my mind, “Glenn, that urine testing machine looks a lot like a water cooler without the water container. You know, that large glass jar that’s on top. The thing old people call it a bubbler. Surely it’s not a water cooler. No, please, it couldn’t be. Besides there’s no way it could work without a bubbler on top, or could it? I’ve never seen one without a bubbler. But wait, I see pipes coming from the wall and leading to the rear of the testing machine. If those pipes contain water, it doesn’t need a bubbler on top.  This is not looking good, Glenn.”

By this time, the lab-lady has the restroom door almost completely open and I say, “No, it’s not in there. It’s in the box, I put it in the box.”  She asks, “What box?”  I said, “This box over here.” With a puzzled look, she watches as I walk over to the testing machine and remove a cup of urine. I hand her the still warm cup, and she quickly turns her back and starts walking toward the lab. I then ask, “Is that the drinking water fountain?”  Without turning around, she says, “No ….. not exactly.”  I ask, “What do you mean, not exactly? It may not be a fountain, but it’s where you drink water from, isn’t it?  That’s when she burst out laughing and said , “YES, YES, YES, why in the world did you place your cup in there?” I answered, “Because, that’s where you said to place it. You said, ‘Go around the corner, first door on the left, place your cup in the silver box, when you’re done, and I’ll get it.’  So, that’s what I did! I placed it in the silver box when I was done.”

Well, we all had a BIG laugh. We were laughing so hard that other staff members were coming to see what was going on.  Every time the story was told, we laughed even harder. After a few minutes of fun, everyone went back to their duties.  As I was standing at the window checking out,  Several staff members came back to say how much they appreciated the good laugh.  As one staff person said “We love our profession, but some days can be sad and hard to find something to laugh about. But it’s for sure, we’ll be remembering and laughing about this day for a long long time to come. So, thank you for peeing in our water cooler.”

 

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