Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

One of Those Days:

Tuesday, December 29th, 2015

Recently, I was traveling to do a magic show in a town that was 4 hours, 20 minutes Google time from my home. It had been one of those days that we all have from time to time. Off and on misty rain with interstate traffic heavier than normal. Earlier a small rock slide in the right-hand lane had held me up, and there had also had been a 4 car, 2 truck rubbernecking accidents in the opposite bound lane. I was behind schedule, and it was well past my lunch time.

I noticed the upcoming exit had a restaurant that’s known for it’s faster than normal drive-through window. You know the restaurant with the golden arches, chicken nuggets, and a kid’s clown. I exited the interstate and drove straight to the driveway of the crowded parking lot. The drive-through line was medium-size in length, but that shouldn’t be a problem because of the speed at which the cars were being served.

I fell in line behind the last vehicle, loosened my seatbelt, dug out my wallet, and had my money ready. I didn’t want anything to cause my drive-through time to be longer than normal. It was then, I noticed the markings on the vehicle in front of me.

WARNING: If it’s passed your “eat time”, you’re in a hurry, and you’re trying to save time by going through a drive-through window, DO NOT fall in behind a car, truck, or mini-van with this type rear glass markings. Especially if it’s one of those drive-throughs that has the 9-inch concrete curbing on each side. You may be there for hours.

At Least They Didn't Ask to Pay Separately

At Least They Didn’t Pay Separately

Upside Down Truck

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015

You spent $60,000.00, 6 years building your super hot rod show car. You take it out for the first time to drive on a beautiful sunny day. You stop at the red-light and this guy pulls up beside you, with his $6000, 6 month build and no one notices your car.

 

Best Job In the World

Thursday, February 26th, 2015

The TV weather-person has to be the best job in the world. They never get fired for being wrong, they receive praises when they call it right, and their boss lets them play outside when it snows.

WEATHER ALART: It’s snowing in SC tonight. Please remember to keep fresh unfrozen water and food for your outside pets, the wild birds, and the TV weather people. They’re all outside and unable to care for themselves.

weather

Good Foot Brian Williams …. What a Guy

Saturday, February 14th, 2015

brian-williams

I first met Brian Williams in 2004, where we finished 5th and 6th in the New York City Marathon. We became best friends in 2005, at the Quebec Winter Triathlon. Where he twisted his ankle on a used water bottle and was ready to give up. I threw him on my back and we tied for 9th.

Brian was devastated because he believed, and was convinced he would be unable to compete in running events for at least a year. After all, that’s what his doctor, Dr. Oz had told him. Brian was slipping into a deep depression. He was losing his passion for running.

I had to do something, and do it quickly. That’s when I came up with the brilliant idea that Brian and I would team up to go on the Southeastern Three Legged Sack Race Circuit. Just to verify my plan, I contacted my personal friend, Dr. Phil. He was in the middle of show taping, but for some reason, on that day he took my call during a commercial break. He agreed that my plan of competing in Three Legged Sack Races would be a good activity to keep Brian from depression. He also said, he wished he had thought of it. Little did I know how competitive Brian would be by using just his good foot.

That 2005 summer we entered and won every Three Legged Sack Race on the Southeastern Circuit. Over 23 races within a 16 week period. It was an extremely tiring, demanding, and grueling schedule. Lots of farm day festivals, county fairs, and medium size church picnics.

23 first place wins! I don’t think I’ve every witnessed anyone equal to Brian’s strong determination, confidence, and his laser like focus. … Brian Williams …. what a guy.

THE REST OF THE STORY
So, now you know where the slogan, “Put Your Best Foot Forward”  came from…. Thank you,  Brian Williams …. what a guy.

written and lied by Glenn Strange 2015ⓒ

Hallmark Channel Overdose

Sunday, November 30th, 2014

I feel I’ll throw up, if I have to watch another “Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie”. My wife took possession of the TV remote Thanksgiving night. It’s now only the first part of December, and I’ve already had enough Christmas. Every Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie has the same basic storyline. All they do is change the faces, the names, and the “Welcome To” sign, at the edge of some small town. And, every character in the movie speaks with a low soft voice like they’re visiting the family at a funeral home.

A typical Hallmark storyline goes like this: Beautiful small town girl can’t wait to grow up, graduate college, and move to the big city to land a high paying corporate job, become famous, and live the dream life married to a wealthy doctor. After about 10 years of being away from her small hometown, she’s forced to return to care for one or both of her aging and/or dying parents. She returns home divorced by the doctor, and with a 6 year old daughter. She’s forced to take a job in retail for a friend of the family’s gift shop.

One day as she’s walking on her hometown downtown sidewalk, she runs into her old sweetheart. The guy she dated when she was a cheerleader and he was the high school star quarterback. It seems, 3 years ago, his wife was killed in a single car accident, on a rain-slickened highway. He’s still grieving and suffering from nightmares. He feels it was his fault, because of his low paying job, he couldn’t afford a new set of Michelins. Now, he’s a single dad with a handsome little boy, that just happens to be the same exact age as her beautiful daughter.

They mess around in the movie for a good 50 to 60 minutes. One’s in love with the other and the other keeps fighting it. Then with 12 minutes left in the movie, it’s always Christmas time. (I can still hear that Hallmark bell tinkling sound in the background. Same music that’s used in every Hallmark Movie.) Well, they finally agree that they’re in love and should get marry, because that’s what they should’ve done when they were young. The last scene is at night, and everyone in town’s happy, singing Christmas songs in the park, and it’s snowing like crazy. THE END. Pass me another Kleenex, and get ready cause there’s another one a comin on.

Sorry, thanks for listening. I feel better now.

40 Reasons To Be Happy

Sunday, March 2nd, 2014

Happy People:
1. Are More Productive
2. Are Healthier
3. Are Fun to be Around
4. Think Clearly
5. Make Better Decisions
6. Make Decisions Quickly
7. Correct Bad Decisions and Move Forward
8. Enjoy More Success in Life
9. Experience a Better Quality Life
10. Have Better Problem Solving Skills
11. Maintain a Well-balanced Lifestyle
12. Have Great Social Lives
13. Know Their Purpose in Life
14. Are Energetic
15. Are Creative
16. Are Trusting
17. Have Positive Self-Image
18. Are Responsive
19. Keep Friends
20. Make Friends Quickly
21. Make Better Leaders
22. Feel Good on the Inside
23. Live Longer
24. Have Successful Relationships
25. Endure Pain Better
26. Endure Sad Times Better
27. Have Happy Families
28. Have Self Control
29. Have Higher Job Productivity
30. Receive Higher Pay
31. Have Less Depression
32. Handle Stress Better
33. Have Better Comprehension Skills
34. Make Others Feel Important
35. Think Positively
36. Act Positively
37. Are Winners
38. Have Goals
39. Encourage Others
40. Are Team Players

 Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

To Read Other Fun Glenn Strange Blog Post Click Here

I Took My Dog’s Medication

Monday, February 10th, 2014

Help! My brain has fallen and it can’t get up. Just this past week I managed to take my dog Buster’s medication. 

Each morning, I lay-out, on the kitchen counter all my daily pills (many vitamins and 3 prescriptions). As I’m listening to the morning radio news, I stand at the counter, I swallow one or two pills at a time, in between bites of my morning toast, Pop-Tart, or whatever (I take vitamins in order to eat unhealthy). One morning, I decided to multitask and I also laid Buster’s daily pill to the right side of my pill pile.  In order to trick Buster into taking his daily medication, I must hide his pill in either a small piece of bread, a piece of cheese, or a bit of peanut butter.  That morning, after finishing my last bite of toast,  I walked over to the refrigerator for a small piece of cheese in which to hide Buster’s pill. When I return to the counter, to wrap Buster’s pill with cheese, I discovered his pill was gone. Yep, I had included Buster’s pill as part of my pill pile and swallowed it along with my toast. 

I’m not sure, but later that afternoon I may have killed 2 backyard azaleas. Have to wait till springtime to know for sure.

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Inconveniently Serving You

Sunday, February 2nd, 2014

There 5 United States Post Offices located around my home, all within a 15 minute drive. But, to avoid standing in slow moving lines with people buying money orders to send US dollars back to their homeland, I decided to go to the USPS.com website and order a roll of 100, $0.49/forever stamps.

Another reason for doing online stamp shopping is because of the wonderful inconvenient window hours that each of these post offices offer. They open bright and early at 10:00am, then after 3 long hours, they close for lunch between 1:00pm and 2:00pm, and then re-open for 2 hours, between 2:00 and 4:00 pm. That’s a grand total of 5 hours per day, 20 hours per week. Oh, I forgot to mention they do open their windows for 1 hour on Saturday, between 10:00 and 11:00am. So, that’s 21 hours per week that the windows are open to offer their customers quality service.

As I was saying, I went online and ordered 100 stamps. So, I’m spending $49.00 to purchase stamps and at checkout they add on $1.30 for shipping. Now, you would think, that they would say, “Look, you’re one of our loyal customers, you’ve been faithfully buying our stamps for years. We stop by your house almost everyday …. bringing you credit card applications, wonderful junk mail, and your bills. Since it’s not out of our way, there’s no real reason for you to pay us a $1.30 to deliver something that requires no additional effort on our part. So, just pay the $49.00 and forget about the $1.30 shipping.” At least that’s what most respectable businesses would say.

A Day A The Office

A Day A The Office

Poor Customer Service

Sunday, January 26th, 2014

I wasted at least 30 minutes in this restaurant’s restroom, and no one …… not a single McDonald’s employee came in to wash my hands. You’d think a major fast-food chain with a menu item called “Happy Meal” would understand the importance of keeping their customers happy. Just another example of improperly trained employees and poor customer service. When I complained to the manager, he looked me straight in the eyes like I was the idiot.

Customer Service

Unexpected Government Shut Down Effects

Tuesday, October 1st, 2013

After Pop-Tart number 2, I realized the toaster-oven timer had stopped working. Evidently a result of the government shut-down. WARNING: Pop-Tarts are flammable.
PopTart

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