Posts Tagged ‘Glenn Strange’

Christmas Laughs

Thursday, December 7th, 2017

Only 18 more sleeps until Christmas.
Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Questions:
“Q” How do you know Santa has to be a man?
“A” No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

“Q”  What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
“A” It’s Christmas, Eve!

“Q”  What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
“A” The letter “D”!


Pick One:
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer, and Santa Claus all got into the elevator of the hotel. As the elevator traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, they noticed a $100 bill lying on the elevator floor. Which one picked up the $100 bill, and turned it into the hotel receptionist?

Santa Claus, the other two don’t exist.​


Make Your Event the Best
It’s a scientific fact: Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. So, hire Comedian Magician Glenn Strange for your next event and reduce sadness, fuss fights, and related medical expenses.​


Lyric Theater Birmingham
Only a Few Tickets Left
The Good News Is:
Not a Bad Seat In The House
Three on a String – Home for Christmas:
The Warblers
Something Else Trio
Glenn Strange

December 12, Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com.

PPS – Your Bonus:Three weeks before Christmas, little Johnny asked his mother if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Johnny, having just played a major role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. Johnny went to his room and wrote ‘ Dear Jesus, I’ve been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.’ But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So, he decided to try again, and this time he wrote ‘Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.’ He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either. He tried a third version. ‘Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.’ He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time, he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary on the front lawn. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. ‘Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you’d better send me a new bike.’


 

Lyric Theatre, Dec 12, Be There!

Thursday, November 30th, 2017

Christmas a Comin:  Only 25 more sleeps.

SAFETY DRIVING TIPIt must be a law because people start driving crazy on Black Friday and continue until New Year’s day. Please watch for them …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


What to Say:
Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don’t Like
10. Hey! There’s a gift!
9. Now, I have something to wear when I shop at Wal-Mart.
8. If I had not just gained 15 pounds, this would fit perfectly.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. What an ideal gift, and it’s fireproof.
5. If my dog destroys this, I’ll be furious!
4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. It is true. It is better to give than to receive.
1. You shouldn’t have, I really don’t deserve this.


The Perfect Gift:
A man bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, his best friend ask, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles?”

“She did,” he replied. “But no one sells a fake Jeep?”


Make Your Event the Best
Not everyone loves to dance, but everyone loves to laugh. Plan your next special event around Quality Professional Clean Comedy. Go to GlennStrange.com and look at the type audiences Glenn’s performed for.


Less Than 70 Tickets Available
Show Will SELL OUT
Three on a String – Home for Christmas: Laughing all the Way! With The Warblers! Something Else Trio! and myself. December 12, at the beautiful 750 seat, Lyric Fine Arts Theatre, in Birmingham, AL. Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com.

PPS – Your Bonus:Sally, a lady about 50 years old walked up and sat on Santa’s lap.

So, Santa smiled and asked, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’

‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Sally.

‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What do would you like me to bring her?’

Without hesitation, Sally replied, ‘A rich son-in-law.’


 

We Enjoy Being Around Happy People

Thursday, November 16th, 2017

Holiday Alert:  Only 7 days until Thanksgiving, and 39 sleeps until Christmas.

SAFETY DRIVING TIP: Wet leaves covering a road can be slippery when you’re applying your car breaks and/or turning your wheels.  Please be careful ….. you know how I do worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your Thanksgiving BONUS at the very end.


Nonsense = Wisdom:
1) Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
2) The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
3) What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?


Turning a Good Day Into a Bad Day:
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seatbelt.

“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asks.

The man responds, “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”

His wife says, “Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drinking.”

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.”

Just then a knock comes from the trunk, and a voice calls out, “Are we over the border yet?”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Our Annual Chamber of Commerce Dinner was a huge success. Glenn gave our members the perfect show. He provided good clean fun, great audience participation, amazing magic, and great comedy.  It was excellent.”
        V. W. Cross, President
Phenix City-Russell County Chamber of Commerce


If you’re in the Birmingham area, you should not miss this fun evening of laughter, great music, and magic. Three on a String – Home for Christmas: Laughing all the Way! With The Warblers! Something Else Trio! and myself. December 12, at the beautiful Lyric Fine Arts Theatre, in Birmingham, AL. Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com

PPS – Your Bonus: One of My Favorite Holiday Tales:
Bob in Birmingham calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, ‘I am sorry to tell you, but your mother and I are divorcing.  I cannot take any more of her moaning and complains.  We can’t stand the sight of each other anymore.’  I’m first telling you, Sam, because you’re the eldest, please call your sister in Chicago and gently break it to her.

When Sam calls his sister Julie, she says: ‘No way are they getting divorced, I’m taking the first flight I can get, and I’ll be at their house before Thanksgiving. I suggest you do the same and together we’ll talk some sense into them.’

Julie phones here parents and tells them both ‘You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won’t do anything until Sam, and I get over there. We’ll be with you tomorrow.  Until then, don’t take any action, please listen to me’, and she hangs up.

The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife and says. ‘Good news’ he says, ‘Sam and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving, and they’re paying their way.’


 

 

 

 

 

 

Laughter = Lasting Memories

Saturday, November 11th, 2017

“What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” ~Yiddish Proverb​

Have a happy day,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


We Are Different:
1)  A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

2)  A man will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn’t want.

3)  A woman marries a man expecting he will change but doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.


Last Words:

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past 5 years. The NTSB secretly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in 4 wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, “Watch out!”

In Alabama, 87.6% of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, watch this!”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“I’ve had the privilege of seeing Glenn perform for high school students with their parents, and also senior adults. Glenn was marvelous at connecting with both. He has the unique ability to make the audience feel comfortable and appreciated”
Rev. C. Trammel
Catawba Baptist Church


For Your Entertainment Needs

Make Your Event Great!
Call:  864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PSS – Your Bonus Funny:
Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding. A cop pulls him over, and ask the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”

The man replies, “Yes I am. I’m trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”

The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you the one being robbed?”

The man casually replies, “No, I committed the robbery.”

The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. “So you’re telling me you were speeding…AND committed a robbery?”

“Yes,” the man calmly says. “I have the loot in the back.”

The cop begins to get angry. “Sir, I’m afraid you have to come with me.” The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.

“Don’t do that!” the man yells fearfully. “I’m scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!” The cop pulls his hand out. “Wait here,” he says.

The policeman calls for backup. Soon police cars and helicopters are everywhere. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. Before he gets in the backseat, another cop walks up and says, “Sir, Officer Spice informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car.”

The man replies, “Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!”​


Don’t Know Why I’ve Been This Happy

Thursday, November 9th, 2017

Only 46 sleeps until Christmas. Please enjoy this week’s funnies.

Safety Tip:  This Christmas, instead of risking a fall and breaking body parts. Do not hang lights around the eve of your house. Just purchase one of those “As Seen On TV”, Star Shower Motion Laser Projector things. You can put one up in less than 10 minutes, and they’re cheaper than hospital bills.

Please be careful …..  you know how I worry.​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.Only 46 sleeps until Christmas. Please enjoy this week’s funnies. Safety Tip: This Christmas, instead of risking a fall and breaking body parts. Do not hang lights around the eve of your house. Just purchase one of those “As Seen On TV”, Star Shower Motion Laser Projector things. You can put one up in less than 10 minutes, and they’re cheaper than hospital bills. Please be careful ….. you know how I worry. Glenn Strange PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Wisdom and Nonsense:
1)  Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
2). If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
3). I intend to live forever. So far so good.


Don’t Ask:
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey if I died would you get married again?”

The husband said, “No sweetie.”

The wife said, “I’m sure you would.”

So the husband said, “Okay, I probably would”

Then the wife asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”

And the husband replied, “Ya, I guess so.”

Then the wife asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”

And the husband replied, “No, she’s left-handed.”​​


A Comment From Glenn’s Client
“Glenn was great last night, at St. Johnsbury Academy, in St. Johnsbury, VT. I found it gut splitting funny, my hubby and I laughed so hard!”
         Deborah Frenetic
Stanstead, Quebec, Canada​



Specializing In Making Events Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Your Bonus:

The Devil Made Me Do It:
A priest and a rabbi are in a car crash, and it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi says, “So you’re a priest. That’s interesting; I’m a rabbi. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left but were unhurt. This must be some kind of a sign.”

The priest replies, “Oh, yes, I agree. It’s a miracle that we survived and are here together.”

“And here’s another miracle,” says the rabbi. “My car is destroyed, but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine and celebrate our good fortune,” he says, handing the bottle to the priest.

The priest nods in agreement, opens the wine, drinks half of it, and hands it back to the rabbi.

The rabbi takes it and puts the cap back on.

“Aren’t you going to have any? asks the priest.

“Not right now,” says the rabbi. “I think I’ll wait until after the police make their report.”


 

April Fools Can Be Any Month

Thursday, November 9th, 2017

“I have great faith in fools — self-confidence, my friends call it.” – Edgar Allan Poe

Make someone laugh today. It’ll make you and them happier.

Today’s Safety Tip: “Remember, your first mistake can also be your last.”  Please be careful on the highways and in old abandoned wells… you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss this week’s BONUS funny at the very end.


April 1, Jokes to Try:
1)  Call your dentist office and remind them that you do not have an appointment next week.
2)  Hang a scented air fresheners all over someone’s office door.
3)  Place strong magnets inside a McDonald’s bag, locate the bag on the roof of your car and drive around.


Earth Science Question:

The teacher was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes, the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a long silence, a voice came from the back of the room, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”


What Glenn’s Client Said:
“I have never heard the residents laugh so hard or so much. Your show was professional, funny and very entertaining.”
      Bonnie Williams
Activities Director​



Celebrate with Laughter
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Speakers Bureau, Talent Agency
or CALL Directly

864-439-1369 
Just hit *Reply*


PPS – Your Bonus Funny:
Teacher: “If I gave you two cats and another two cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”​​


Laughing Employees = Loyal Customers

Saturday, November 4th, 2017

A Little Known Fact:  Roses are RED, and Violets are VIOLET.

“Remember, “A rat can last longer without water than a camel, but a rat’s harder to ride.”

Please be careful ……. you know how I worry.”

Go make someone laugh today,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


State Slogans:
Alabama:  “At Least We’re Not Mississippi”
California:  “As Seen on TV”

Rhode Island: “We’re Not Really an Island”

You’ll Never Hear a Southern Boy Say:

1)  “Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.”
2)  “Unsweetened tea tastes better.”
3) “Would you like your fish poached or broiled?”

Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Your show was very well received by our employees and their guest.  The comments made were all very complimentary.  Thank you for providing us with good wholesome entertainment.”
      Pat Shaddy, Human Resources
Amana​



Everyone Loves to Laugh
Call
864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PSS – Your Bonus Funny:
One beautiful autumn day, a park ranger discovered a man sitting in the woods chewing away on a dead bald eagle. “Hey mister, the bald eagle is a protected species, and killing one is a punishable offense,” said the Park Ranger.

The man was swiftly arrested and ushered before the judge.

In court, he pleaded innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn’t eat the bald eagle, he would have died from starvation.

“I was so hungry,” complained the defensive camper, “the bald eagle was the only food I could find!”

To everyone’s amazement, the judge ruled in his favor.

In the judge’s closing statement he asked the man, “I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it. But I’d like to know: What did it taste like?”

The man answered, “Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl.”


Laughter’s Better than Tranquilizers

Friday, November 3rd, 2017

“I don’t care what killed the dinosaurs. I just want to know who buried them?” – Glenn Strange

“Remember, to always use your seatbelt, because it’s hard to eat corn on the cob with no front teeth.” – Glenn Strange

Please be careful ……. you know how I worry.”

Make someone laugh today,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


New Neighbors:

Julia tells her husband, “James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?”

“Gosh,” James says, “why I hardly know the girl.”


The Cost of Meat:

A tourist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

“Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years, it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”

The tourist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

“Here, is the check for $900,” he said. “It’s postdated six years from now.”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“What a great show!  Everyone’s still talking about your incredible performance on Friday night.  You mystified, entertained us, and kept us laughing too hard.”
         S. Cash, Chairman of the Board
The Parnell-Martin Companies LLC



Everyone Loves to Laugh
Call
864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PSS – Your Bonus Funny:

Answering Machine Messages
1)  Hi, I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is. So, can you talk to it instead?

2)  Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry – I have plenty of money.

3)  This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, think about your number, and think about your reason for calling. Then I’ll think about returning your call.​


Laughter is the Best Medicine

Thursday, November 2nd, 2017

Today is”National Men Make Dinner Day”. Who gets to decide this kind of stuff anyway? Men are supposed to plan the menu (no BBQ. pizza, or grilling allowed). Purchase the ingredients, prepare, serve, and clean up. Looks like I’m passing out “Buy One Get One Free” Whopper Burger coupons.

WARNING: Only 53 days until Christmas! ​​​Those “Hallmark Christmas Stories” started airing October 27. Same story over and over, with different faces.​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Semi-Wisdom:
1) Snowmen fall from the sky unassembled.
2)  How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door
you’re on.
3)  Shopping Tip: You can get shoes for under $2.50 at most bowling alleys.


Health and Fitness:
My gym has a new machine. Only used it for half an hour, as I started feeling sick.  It’s a great machine. It has everything I need – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Chips, and more.​


Highly Recommended
I’m excited, and I highly recommend you experience this hilarious musical group, “Three On a String”. Trust me! If you love great music and love laughing, you will be thoroughly entertained.​I first worked with these guys over 20 years ago, and we became instant friends.  (Well, at least I like them) They’re naturally funny and amazing musicians. Between them, they play over 25 instruments. Their programs contain bluegrass, folk, rock, country, a little rap, and even the classics. Did I mention they are funny?

Tickets for “Three On a String” performance are the perfect Christmas gift for your friends and family. Tickets are easy to purchase online, and they’re easy to wrap.  ​


Who? “Three on a String”
Where? Newberry Opera House on January 6, 2018
What? Great music, hilarious storytelling and comedy skits
Why? Once you see them, you’ll never forget them
Ticket Information: Click Here

PPS – Your Bonus:

“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” Sam asked, “how do you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Well, first,” he replied, “you ask him a simple question which he should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”

“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made 3 voyages around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’

Sam thought for a moment, and then asked, “Do you have another example? I’ve never been much of a history buff?”

Only 60 Days Until Christmas.​

Thursday, October 26th, 2017

This week, some tornados touched down in my town. It’s a blessing that there were no injuries or deaths reported.  There were tractor-trailer trucks turned over, and some landed on top of a building. Roofs, walls, and equipment of large industrial businesses caved in. The “not-so-funny”, funny part of this event is that it took the National Weather Service 24 hours before they confirmed the damage was caused by tornados. Du-Ha, Maybe they need to buy a Moped and get out more.

Please be careful ….. you know how I do worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Bed-Time Story:
A small boy is sent to bed by his father…
5 minutes later:
“Da-ad…”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”

5 minutes later:
“Da-aaaad…”
“WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY… Can I have a drink of water, please?”
“I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!”

5 minutes later:
“Daaad…”
“WHAT?!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”


History:
Little Billy’s teacher asks, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

Little Billy replies, “Because George was the one holding the ax?​​


Glenn’s Client Quote
“Glenn Strange was a definite hit at our Southeast Regional Directors Conference! People were talking about his magic and how funny he was for several days following his show…..”
B. Lehew
Carolinas Credit Union League​


HOW TO BE FUNNY
At a recent family entertainer’s conference in Pigeon Forge, TN, I had the honor of being interviewed by Andrew Remnet, as part of his series on “How To Be Funny”.  If you’d like to see this interview
Click Here:  https://youtu.be/PlVNZAEk7ic

PPS – Your Bonus:
A young boy, about 8 years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.” “But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful, and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.” But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.  The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added,
“I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh, what was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle.”


 

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