Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

Hallmark Christmas Stories of 2016

Sunday, December 4th, 2016

Well, it’s only the beginning of December and I’ve already had my fill of Hallmark Christmas movies. This year they started airing on November 5, 2016. All 22 new versions of the same old plot, with different faces. Everyone’s still whispering their lines, and you can hear soft jingling, tinkling bells in the background all through the entire show. Throughout the movie, you’re pulling for 2 people to realize they’re perfect for each other. Somewhere in the last 5 minutes, they give up, fall in love, the music gets louder, and snow starts falling. THE END. The only difference I see this year is that all the characters have upgraded their mobile phone service, and they’re using smartphones.  I’m just waiting to see if one of the characters has a pocket battery explosion. Probably not going to happen, cause that would add  excitement, and that’s something no Hallmark movie has ever had. Thanks for listing. Pass me the tissues.IMG_0069 - Version 2 – Version 3

When Introductions Go Bad

Tuesday, September 20th, 2016
When Introductions Go Bad

When Introductions Go Bad

I was honored and thrilled when the National Speakers Association featured my article in their publication. “SPEAKER Magazine”.

I should have recognized things were headed south when she walked to center stage, firmly planted her feet shoulder width apart, looked down, and began shuffling through pages of paper. This lady that had been given the task of introducing me to her association members. The same lady that told me earlier that afternoon, “I do not need your prepared introduction. I’ve put a lot of time, thought, and rehearsal into what I’m saying, and if you don’t let me use the introduction I’ve worked so hard on, I’ll be heartbroken.”

Well, I should have broken her heart that afternoon. Because that sweet little elderly lady had single handily …… (MORE)


JOKE TIME

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

‘What’s up?’ says the driver.

‘Your wife fell out the passenger door 3 miles back,’ says the policeman.

‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’


FARMER’S WISDOM

  1. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  2. Good judgment comes from experience and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
  3. Always drink upstream from the herd.

DID YOU KNOW?

A flamingo can only eat when its head is upside down, and they don’t taste like chicken.


QUOTE TO REMEMBER

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.”
Michael Pritchard


“Thank You” to Jeryl Anderson and Kelly Palmer for making sure I had everything I needed for my show and allowing me to be a part of your annual event. A special “Thank You” to your association members, their laughter, and for the jobs, they do every day. img_6360


Question: What Makes an Event Rememberable?

Answer: LAUGHTER

To book Glenn Strange for your next important event. You may go through your favorite Speakers Bureau, Talent Agent, or Contact His Office Direct:

Call: 864-439-1369

info@GlennStrange.com


Upside Down Truck

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015

You spent $60,000.00, 6 years building your super hot rod show car. You take it out for the first time to drive on a beautiful sunny day. You stop at the red-light and this guy pulls up beside you, with his $6000, 6 month build and no one notices your car.

 

Best Job In the World

Thursday, February 26th, 2015

The TV weather-person has to be the best job in the world. They never get fired for being wrong, they receive praises when they call it right, and their boss lets them play outside when it snows.

WEATHER ALART: It’s snowing in SC tonight. Please remember to keep fresh unfrozen water and food for your outside pets, the wild birds, and the TV weather people. They’re all outside and unable to care for themselves.

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Good Foot Brian Williams …. What a Guy

Saturday, February 14th, 2015

brian-williams

I first met Brian Williams in 2004, where we finished 5th and 6th in the New York City Marathon. We became best friends in 2005, at the Quebec Winter Triathlon. Where he twisted his ankle on a used water bottle and was ready to give up. I threw him on my back and we tied for 9th.

Brian was devastated because he believed, and was convinced he would be unable to compete in running events for at least a year. After all, that’s what his doctor, Dr. Oz had told him. Brian was slipping into a deep depression. He was losing his passion for running.

I had to do something, and do it quickly. That’s when I came up with the brilliant idea that Brian and I would team up to go on the Southeastern Three Legged Sack Race Circuit. Just to verify my plan, I contacted my personal friend, Dr. Phil. He was in the middle of show taping, but for some reason, on that day he took my call during a commercial break. He agreed that my plan of competing in Three Legged Sack Races would be a good activity to keep Brian from depression. He also said, he wished he had thought of it. Little did I know how competitive Brian would be by using just his good foot.

That 2005 summer we entered and won every Three Legged Sack Race on the Southeastern Circuit. Over 23 races within a 16 week period. It was an extremely tiring, demanding, and grueling schedule. Lots of farm day festivals, county fairs, and medium size church picnics.

23 first place wins! I don’t think I’ve every witnessed anyone equal to Brian’s strong determination, confidence, and his laser like focus. … Brian Williams …. what a guy.

THE REST OF THE STORY
So, now you know where the slogan, “Put Your Best Foot Forward”  came from…. Thank you,  Brian Williams …. what a guy.

written and lied by Glenn Strange 2015ⓒ

Hallmark Channel Overdose

Sunday, November 30th, 2014

I feel I’ll throw up, if I have to watch another “Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie”. My wife took possession of the TV remote Thanksgiving night. It’s now only the first part of December, and I’ve already had enough Christmas. Every Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie has the same basic storyline. All they do is change the faces, the names, and the “Welcome To” sign, at the edge of some small town. And, every character in the movie speaks with a low soft voice like they’re visiting the family at a funeral home.

A typical Hallmark storyline goes like this: Beautiful small town girl can’t wait to grow up, graduate college, and move to the big city to land a high paying corporate job, become famous, and live the dream life married to a wealthy doctor. After about 10 years of being away from her small hometown, she’s forced to return to care for one or both of her aging and/or dying parents. She returns home divorced by the doctor, and with a 6 year old daughter. She’s forced to take a job in retail for a friend of the family’s gift shop.

One day as she’s walking on her hometown downtown sidewalk, she runs into her old sweetheart. The guy she dated when she was a cheerleader and he was the high school star quarterback. It seems, 3 years ago, his wife was killed in a single car accident, on a rain-slickened highway. He’s still grieving and suffering from nightmares. He feels it was his fault, because of his low paying job, he couldn’t afford a new set of Michelins. Now, he’s a single dad with a handsome little boy, that just happens to be the same exact age as her beautiful daughter.

They mess around in the movie for a good 50 to 60 minutes. One’s in love with the other and the other keeps fighting it. Then with 12 minutes left in the movie, it’s always Christmas time. (I can still hear that Hallmark bell tinkling sound in the background. Same music that’s used in every Hallmark Movie.) Well, they finally agree that they’re in love and should get marry, because that’s what they should’ve done when they were young. The last scene is at night, and everyone in town’s happy, singing Christmas songs in the park, and it’s snowing like crazy. THE END. Pass me another Kleenex, and get ready cause there’s another one a comin on.

Sorry, thanks for listening. I feel better now.

40 Reasons To Be Happy

Sunday, March 2nd, 2014

Happy People:
1. Are More Productive
2. Are Healthier
3. Are Fun to be Around
4. Think Clearly
5. Make Better Decisions
6. Make Decisions Quickly
7. Correct Bad Decisions and Move Forward
8. Enjoy More Success in Life
9. Experience a Better Quality Life
10. Have Better Problem Solving Skills
11. Maintain a Well-balanced Lifestyle
12. Have Great Social Lives
13. Know Their Purpose in Life
14. Are Energetic
15. Are Creative
16. Are Trusting
17. Have Positive Self-Image
18. Are Responsive
19. Keep Friends
20. Make Friends Quickly
21. Make Better Leaders
22. Feel Good on the Inside
23. Live Longer
24. Have Successful Relationships
25. Endure Pain Better
26. Endure Sad Times Better
27. Have Happy Families
28. Have Self Control
29. Have Higher Job Productivity
30. Receive Higher Pay
31. Have Less Depression
32. Handle Stress Better
33. Have Better Comprehension Skills
34. Make Others Feel Important
35. Think Positively
36. Act Positively
37. Are Winners
38. Have Goals
39. Encourage Others
40. Are Team Players

 Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

To Read Other Fun Glenn Strange Blog Post Click Here

I Took My Dog’s Medication

Monday, February 10th, 2014

Help! My brain has fallen and it can’t get up. Just this past week I managed to take my dog Buster’s medication. 

Each morning, I lay-out, on the kitchen counter all my daily pills (many vitamins and 3 prescriptions). As I’m listening to the morning radio news, I stand at the counter, I swallow one or two pills at a time, in between bites of my morning toast, Pop-Tart, or whatever (I take vitamins in order to eat unhealthy). One morning, I decided to multitask and I also laid Buster’s daily pill to the right side of my pill pile.  In order to trick Buster into taking his daily medication, I must hide his pill in either a small piece of bread, a piece of cheese, or a bit of peanut butter.  That morning, after finishing my last bite of toast,  I walked over to the refrigerator for a small piece of cheese in which to hide Buster’s pill. When I return to the counter, to wrap Buster’s pill with cheese, I discovered his pill was gone. Yep, I had included Buster’s pill as part of my pill pile and swallowed it along with my toast. 

I’m not sure, but later that afternoon I may have killed 2 backyard azaleas. Have to wait till springtime to know for sure.

If you cannot view video, click here:

Britain’s Perfect Stimulus Storm

Thursday, July 18th, 2013

BREAKING NEWS – Kate Middleton has not missed her due date. It’s a well orchestrated lie. The American news media is all concerned as to why the Duchess of Cambridge has gone past her July 13, due date. Think about it for a minute. It’s so simple, it’s easily overlooked. It’s all a part of the royal families way of boosting their countries suffering economy. It’s the perfect stimulus plan.

Remember way back in the seventeen hundreds, it was high taxes that resulted in the first Tea Party. We all know how the British’s will tax anything that’s moving, standing, or said. The clever British have done it to us again. Not only America, but to the entire world. They announced a way early due date of July 13, 2013, for the royal baby. Today is July 18, and the world is still waiting. They knew every country in the world would be sending news representatives to cover the big day. Foreigners with unlimited expense accounts, staying in Britain’s most expensive hotels, eating at the finest restaurants, and sightseeing.

The fictitious early due date has caused thousands of foreign news media representatives to extend their stay and spend more money. Even better for Britain, this is all foreign money. Not local money, but new money pouring into their economy.

In addition, the news media coverage is promoting England to the entire world and enticing thousands of tourist to make plans to travel to their country for months and even years into the future. This is better than a hour long feature special on the Travel Channel. This is a “no-cost” marketing and advertising plan that’s generating millions of new dollars (or pounds) to Britain’s economy. And, it’s all taxed, over and over again.

The British have taken an event, that cost them absolutely nothing and created the perfect economical recovery storm for their country. America may have won the revolution, but the British have figured a way to continue taxing us and we American’s are excited to be a part. After all, everyone loves a new baby …. especially if it’s born with an English accent.

british

Finding the Funny in Golf

Saturday, July 13th, 2013

I can remember way back when I was a kid, golf was considered a wealthy man’s game. A game that was for the above average intelligent successful people in the community.

No golf courses were opened to the general public.  They were all private and part of an exclusive country club. In our area only doctors, lawyers, and corporate executives played the game.  With the exception of ministers, priest, and rabbi’s that were allowed to play golf free every Monday.  That was the slow day at the golf course, and the time they scheduled all their lawn care, maintenance, and improvements. There were never any complaints because of lawn equipment interrupting someone’s game or effecting their scores.  The club owners and managers knew these gentlemen were held to a higher standard in the community, and would do nothing to damage their reputation. You know, like cussing out loud, throwing clubs, or using inappropriate hand gestures.

My-o-my, how things have changed.  Golf course maintenance is now conducted everyday of the week, with no such thing as FREE Monday golf for community ministers, priest, and rabbi’s.  They pay, they play, and they’re allowed to cuss out loud, throw clubs, or make inappropriate hand gestures.  Golf is no longer considered a game limited to just the highly intelligent wealthy successful people.  Made in China golf clubs are cheap and now any poor idiot can play. That includes the average destructive, property damaging, drunks, and/or the mental deficient American citizen.

To prove what I’m saying, Watch, Laugh, and Enjoy this Funny Golf Video.  The song makes it even more funny.

If the video is not visible, click here:  http://youtu.be/6FMyblJkLSM

watch demo

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