Posts Tagged ‘entertainment’

Jokes

Thursday, September 26th, 2019

Just a friendly reminder. Only 90 days until Christmas. It’s time to apply for all those new credit cards before they get gone.


Be safe ….. you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.

Today’s Heavy Thought:

A bird in the hand is… better than a woodpecker on your head.

Grammar:

The teacher asked, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”
Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is…”
Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”
Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’”

What Clients Say:

“WOW! What a show!! Everyone is still raving about how great and funny your show was. This was the second time I had seen you perform and I laughed harder and longer.

Ken Couch, RPh
South Carolina Pharmacy Association

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PPS – Bonus Joke:

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her students that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.”
“Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”
A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora“), because:

  1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
  3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
  4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (“el computador“), because:

  1. In order to do anything with them, you have to push the right buttons;
  2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Never Forget

Thursday, September 12th, 2019

Never forget the importance of laughter. Please forward these funnies to your friends.

Be safe ….. you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

Interesting Facts:

A camel can work for a week without drinking…
A man can drink for a week without working.

Job Search:

One business owner asks another, “So, have you had any responses to your ad that you’re looking for a night watchman?”

“Yeah, we got robbed last night.”

What Clients Say:

“Everybody enjoyed your performance at our Christmas Party. We would like to have you again next December.”
Tim Purdy
Reaben Oil Company

Making His Audience Feel Special

Who Uses Glenn’s Program?

Associations
Businesses
Church Events
Chambers of Commerce
Theatres
Corporate Events
Award Banquets
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Appreciation Banquets
Safety Banquets
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Senior Adult Events
Conventions
Resorts
Fundraisers
Sales Meetings
Conferences
Trade Shows
Office EventsPPS – Bonus Joke:

PPS – Bonus Joke:

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and the fire destroyed everything I owned. The insurance company paid for everything.”

“That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because a flood
destroyed my house and all my belongings, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

The lawyer looked somewhat confused, and then asked, “How do you start a flood?”

Laugh at Your Problems

Thursday, May 16th, 2019

Remember. “Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.” You’re welcome.


Kids:

Billy: “Mom, are our neighbors very poor people?
Mother: “I don’t think so, Billy. Why do you ask?”
Billy: “Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin.”


Yard Sale:

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a yard sale.
They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33.
So I asked the owner if he had a pair.
He shook his head, and said. “I’m still wearing the 33s, come back next year.”


The Artist:

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings which happened to be on display.

“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.”

“What did you say?” questioned the artist.

“When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The gentleman was your doctor.”

Only Four Days Until April 1

Thursday, March 28th, 2019

Only four days until April Fools’ Day. It’s time to start planning “who” and “what.”


Wisdom Time:

Talking to yourself is okay. Sometimes you need expert advice. The question is, “Do you listen?”


Twins:

My brother has just started dating a wonderful girl, and he told me she has a twin. I ask him how he could tell them apart? He said, “It’s easy. Addison paints her fingernails and Allen has a beard.​


Give the Gift of Laughter

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864-439-1369
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
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PPS – Bonus Joke:

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her cheek, then his again. Finally, she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.” “Oh,” she paused… “Grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.” Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”


St. Patrick’s Day is Near

Thursday, March 14th, 2019

Excitement:

Murry was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.


After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’


‘That’s GREAT!,’ shouted Murry, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?’

Question of the Day:

Q: What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?


A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Glenn Makes People Happy

Contact: info@GlennStrange.com

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

Irish Mothers Chat:

Two Irish mothers, Kate and Lorna, were talking about their sons.


Kate says, ‘My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he
hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.’


Lorna responds, ‘Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn’t he not
looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.’


‘My word,’ says Kate, ‘You must be so proud.’

‘I am,’ announces Lorna, ‘And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.’

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