Posts Tagged ‘comedian’

Never Forget

Thursday, September 12th, 2019

Never forget the importance of laughter. Please forward these funnies to your friends.

Be safe ….. you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

Interesting Facts:

A camel can work for a week without drinking…
A man can drink for a week without working.

Job Search:

One business owner asks another, “So, have you had any responses to your ad that you’re looking for a night watchman?”

“Yeah, we got robbed last night.”

What Clients Say:

“Everybody enjoyed your performance at our Christmas Party. We would like to have you again next December.”
Tim Purdy
Reaben Oil Company

Making His Audience Feel Special

Who Uses Glenn’s Program?

Associations
Businesses
Church Events
Chambers of Commerce
Theatres
Corporate Events
Award Banquets
Safety Banquets
Appreciation Banquets
Safety Banquets
Family Events
Senior Adult Events
Conventions
Resorts
Fundraisers
Sales Meetings
Conferences
Trade Shows
Office EventsPPS – Bonus Joke:

PPS – Bonus Joke:

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and the fire destroyed everything I owned. The insurance company paid for everything.”

“That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because a flood
destroyed my house and all my belongings, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

The lawyer looked somewhat confused, and then asked, “How do you start a flood?”

Adult Texting:

Thursday, September 5th, 2019

A mom texts, “Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?”
Son texts back, “I Don’t Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.”
The mom texts, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister, love you too.”

Change:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

What Clients Say:

“Our customers are still calling and telling me that they enjoyed both the
comedy and the magic. The president of our company also commended your performance. We will definitely recommend you to others.”
Phil Hudgins
DeWitt Fertilizer Company

Who Uses Glenn’s Program?

Associations
Businesses
Church Events
Chambers of Commerce
Theatres
Corporate Events
Award Banquets
Safety Banquets
Appreciation Banquets
Safety Banquets
Family Events
Senior Adult Events
Conventions
Resorts
Fundraisers
Sales Meetings
Conferences
Conferences
Trade Shows
Office Events

PPS – Bonus Joke:

A husband and wife were having marriage problems and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you
are not able to keep this marriage together?” The husband said, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.” The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

To Whisper​ or Yell

Thursday, May 2nd, 2019

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled. Thank about it.


Little Johnny:

Little Johnny goes to the local Farm & Ranch store to buy bird seed.
The salesperson asks, “How many birds do you have?
Little Johnny replies, “None, I want to grow some.”

Cowboy Wisdom:

1) Don’t sell your mule to buy a plow.
2) It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
3) Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.


This Was a First for Me

Over the years I’ve performed in many different type places; everything from lumber company loading docks to elaborate theatres. But, this past week was a first for me. The show was for an Alabama company’s Safety Awards Banquet, and the venue was in a building that was originally built and used as a WWll German prisoner of war camp.

PPS – Bonus Joke:

Jones had been late for work on Monday and again on Tuesday. His boss told him if he was late one more time that week, he would be out of a job. As luck would have it, Jones arrived an hour and a half late on that Friday. His boss was furious and told him to come into his office and shut the door.

“What’s the story this time, Jones?” asked his boss, “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”

Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning. My wife decided to drive me to work. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, as you can see my suit is still damp, ran out to the airport, got a ride on Clint Eastwood’s helicopter, landed on the roof of the next-door skyscraper, ran down 99 levels, and then came over here.”

His boss was furious and shouted, “Jones, you’re fired! What kind of an idiot do you think I am. No, wife gets ready in ten minutes.”


Only Four Days Until April 1

Thursday, March 28th, 2019

Only four days until April Fools’ Day. It’s time to start planning “who” and “what.”


Wisdom Time:

Talking to yourself is okay. Sometimes you need expert advice. The question is, “Do you listen?”


Twins:

My brother has just started dating a wonderful girl, and he told me she has a twin. I ask him how he could tell them apart? He said, “It’s easy. Addison paints her fingernails and Allen has a beard.​


Give the Gift of Laughter

Book Glenn for Your Event?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

864-439-1369
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her cheek, then his again. Finally, she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.” “Oh,” she paused… “Grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.” Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”


Last Night I Dreamed

Thursday, January 31st, 2019

Only one day until Groundhog Day.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Surf and Sand:

Last night I dreamt of a long walk on a sandy beach.   At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.


Staff Meeting:

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with $800, if you find it, I’m offering a $100 finder’s fee!”

A voice in the background says: “I’m offering $200!”


Glenn’s Client Said:

“My ribs were sour for two days. The party was the talk of the office, and your comedy was recapped ever and over again, making each laugh more painful.”
Lisa Ellis
Mesa Associates, Inc.


Making Happy People Appear 



Your Event Will be FUN?

info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

In a small town in Scotland, the town’s seamstress passed away. Her husband called the local paper to run an obituary. After telling the woman at the paper what he wanted it to say, she said, “Angus, ye still have room for four more words.” Well, Angus was a thrifty Scotsman, but he said he didn’t know what else to say. The woman said, “How about ‘Loving mother, faithful wife.'” Angus didn’t like that. The woman suggested, “How about ‘God bless her soul.'” Angus didn’t like that either. Then Angus said, “I’ve got it! ‘Sewing machine for sale.’”


Get your Valentine’s Day gift early

Friday, January 18th, 2019

Only 15 Days until Groundhog Day. Better buy your Valentine’s gift before they get gone.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Math Question:

The teacher asks: “Now, Susan, how many fingers have you?”

Susan: “Ten.”

Teacher: “Right. Now if you lost four of them, what would you have?”

Susan: “No more piano lessons.”


Ear Deal:

A man is bragging about his new hearing aid. “It’s the best I’ve ever had,” he says. “It cost $3,000.”

His friend asks, “What kind is it?”

He says, “Half past four!”


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Thanks for a GREAT program at our annual Banquet. I’ve received many
compliments for your performance and everyone had a really great time.
Thanks for sharing your talent, and some good, clean, fun with our group.”

T Frazier
Alabama Trucking Association


Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

Call: 864-439-1369


PPS – Bonus Joke:

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person
could go and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.


The Art of Swatting Flies

Thursday, January 10th, 2019

Only 349 Days until Christmas.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Swatting Flies:

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Hunting Flies” He responded.

“Oh. Killing any?” She asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”

He responded, 3 were on the TV control, and 2 were on the phone.”


Psychic Power:

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog becomes excited, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
“No,” says the psychic, “in her biology class.”​


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Glenn’s message gave the audience an opportunity to let all of their daily thoughts and routines go to the back of their minds and enjoy a great evening of laughter. To leave the group with such a moving life lesson made the comedy and magic even better.”
C. L. Laxton
Wyoming County EDA


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

Laughter is a gift that should be shared. So, brighten someone’s day and forward this email to them.

Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

A senior citizen drives his brand new BMW out the car salesroom. Taking off down the highway, he floored it to 90, enjoying the wind blowing through. Amazing he thought as he flew down the road, looking in his rearview mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue light flashing, siren blaring.

”I can get away from him – no problem! ” He floored it to130, then 140 …then 150 … Suddenly, he thought, ”What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense !” So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the officer walked up to the driver’s side of the BMW looked at his watch and said, ”Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes, Today is Friday, and I’m taking off for the weekend, If you can give me a reason I’ve never heard before for why you were speeding, I’ll let you go.”

The Man looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, ” Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.”

”Have a good day, Sir….!!

Only 39 Sleeps Until Christmas.

Thursday, November 15th, 2018

Proverbs of a Fourth Grader:

1) Better late than… absent.

2) A penny saved… is not a lot.

3) Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and… then blow your nose.


Johnny’s Mom:

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.

His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and he just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said little

Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.

“I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like

that. Why didn’t you just laugh?”

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

Laughter is a gift that should be shared. So, brighten someone’s day and

forward this email to them.


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in northern Arizona when

she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip

was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she

would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the

Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw,

studying every little detail until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to

Sally.

“What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the bag and, smiling, said, “It’s a box of chocolates. I got it

for my husband.”

for my husband.”

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with

the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade.”

New Tires are Cheaper Than Medical Expenses

Thursday, November 8th, 2018

SAFETY TIP: When driving, those wet leaves lying on the road can be as slick as ice when you’re turning or trying to stop quickly. New tires are cheaper than medical expenses.

BE careful  … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


A Loving Husband:
A man and his wife walked past an expensive looking restaurant when his wife said, “What a gorgeous smell coming from that restaurant!”

Being kindhearted her husband agreed with her and thought, “What the heck, I’ll treat her!”

So, he walked her by the restaurant again!


Little Johnny Strikes Again:
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, “My daddy fell in a well last week.”
“My Goodness!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?”
“He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

We all know someone that could use some laughter in their day. So, please fill free to forward this email to your friends or print it out and hand-deliver them a hard copy.


Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
Thanks To, J. Gaston

An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

DrYoung: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

DrGeezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

DrYoung: ‘Aaagh! — This is Gasoline!”

DrGeezer: “Congratulations!

You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

DrYoung gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

DrYoung: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

DrGeezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

DrYoung: “Oh, no you don’t — that is Gasoline!”

DrGeezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

DrYoung (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

DrYoung: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”

DrGeezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “Here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”



Want a Reason to Laugh

Thursday, September 27th, 2018

Residual Income:
I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay …… again.


Q & A:
Teacher:“Whoever answers my next question, can go home early.”
Little Johnny throws his book bag out the window.
Teacher: “Who threw that?”
Little Johnny:“Me ….. see y’all tomorrow.”


Public Show Wednesday, Oct 3:
You are invited to Wellford Baptist Churchon Wednesday, October 3, for a family fun night of comedy and magic. For ages 5 to 105. The show will start at 6:30 pm in the sanctuary. I hope you can make it. Bring your friends and let’s have fun laughing together!   GPS Information:  235 Syphrit Road, Wellford, SC 29385



Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A politician running for office toured the country. His campaign took him to all the backward places of the country and to places that most of us have only seen on maps.Unlike other office-seekers, this politician took his wife along, especially to the more remote locations. When the elections were over, the man found that his “family man” image had helped him to be victorious.But he still looked glum. One day, his friend asked him: “Why so glum, buddy? You’ve won the election. People are so impressed with your family-person image. They really appreciate you for having taken your wife along on your campaign, no matter how remote or dangerous the route was.” “What’s the use,” the politician grumbled. “She always found her way back!”
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