Posts Tagged ‘comedian’

Only 39 Sleeps Until Christmas.

Thursday, November 15th, 2018

Proverbs of a Fourth Grader:

1) Better late than… absent.

2) A penny saved… is not a lot.

3) Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and… then blow your nose.


Johnny’s Mom:

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.

His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and he just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said little

Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.

“I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like

that. Why didn’t you just laugh?”

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

Laughter is a gift that should be shared. So, brighten someone’s day and

forward this email to them.


PPS – Bonus Joke:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in northern Arizona when

she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip

was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she

would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the

Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw,

studying every little detail until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to

Sally.

“What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the bag and, smiling, said, “It’s a box of chocolates. I got it

for my husband.”

for my husband.”

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with

the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade.”

New Tires are Cheaper Than Medical Expenses

Thursday, November 8th, 2018

SAFETY TIP: When driving, those wet leaves lying on the road can be as slick as ice when you’re turning or trying to stop quickly. New tires are cheaper than medical expenses.

BE careful  … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


A Loving Husband:
A man and his wife walked past an expensive looking restaurant when his wife said, “What a gorgeous smell coming from that restaurant!”

Being kindhearted her husband agreed with her and thought, “What the heck, I’ll treat her!”

So, he walked her by the restaurant again!


Little Johnny Strikes Again:
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, “My daddy fell in a well last week.”
“My Goodness!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?”
“He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

We all know someone that could use some laughter in their day. So, please fill free to forward this email to your friends or print it out and hand-deliver them a hard copy.


Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
Thanks To, J. Gaston

An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

DrYoung: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

DrGeezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

DrYoung: ‘Aaagh! — This is Gasoline!”

DrGeezer: “Congratulations!

You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

DrYoung gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

DrYoung: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

DrGeezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

DrYoung: “Oh, no you don’t — that is Gasoline!”

DrGeezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

DrYoung (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

DrYoung: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”

DrGeezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “Here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”



Want a Reason to Laugh

Thursday, September 27th, 2018

Residual Income:
I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay …… again.


Q & A:
Teacher:“Whoever answers my next question, can go home early.”
Little Johnny throws his book bag out the window.
Teacher: “Who threw that?”
Little Johnny:“Me ….. see y’all tomorrow.”


Public Show Wednesday, Oct 3:
You are invited to Wellford Baptist Churchon Wednesday, October 3, for a family fun night of comedy and magic. For ages 5 to 105. The show will start at 6:30 pm in the sanctuary. I hope you can make it. Bring your friends and let’s have fun laughing together!   GPS Information:  235 Syphrit Road, Wellford, SC 29385



Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A politician running for office toured the country. His campaign took him to all the backward places of the country and to places that most of us have only seen on maps.Unlike other office-seekers, this politician took his wife along, especially to the more remote locations. When the elections were over, the man found that his “family man” image had helped him to be victorious.But he still looked glum. One day, his friend asked him: “Why so glum, buddy? You’ve won the election. People are so impressed with your family-person image. They really appreciate you for having taken your wife along on your campaign, no matter how remote or dangerous the route was.” “What’s the use,” the politician grumbled. “She always found her way back!”

You’re Invited … October 3

Thursday, September 20th, 2018

Question:
Me: “Do you think it’s strange to talk to yourself?”
Me: “No.”


Mr. Perfect:
A husband finds his wife hanging from a rope in his toolshed.

There was a note saying, “I really can’t stand your criticsm any longer!”

He quickly cut the rope and revived her back to life.

As she lay in my arms He could see her eyes slowly open, and he said, “Come on, you should know, that’s not how you spell criticism.”


Family Show Rescheduled To Oct 3:
Due to Hurricane Florence, the Wellford Baptist Church public show was rescheduled to Wednesday, October 3. The show will start at 6:30 pm in the sanctuary. I hope you can make it. Family Fun for ages 5 to 105. Bring your friends and let’s have fun laughing together!   GPS Information:  235 Syphrit Road, Wellford, SC 29385



Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the sheep’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the sheep. “Your name is written inside the cover.”  ​

Mark Your Calendars For Sunday

Tuesday, September 11th, 2018

Hurricane Florence is making this a stressful time for many of you. Be sure and read my message at the end of this newsletter.

Time to take a short laugh-break, and enjoy this week’s funnies.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


There’s a New Drug:
Doctor:  “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor:  “Every two hours.”


Missing:
I saw a poster with a picture of a cat, and it asked, “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and said, “No.”


Mark Your Calendar, Tell Your Friends:
If you are in the upstate area of South Carolina, mark your calendar for Sunday, September 16. This program is open to the public and will be at Wellford Baptist Church, in Wellford, SC. Fellowship with Finger Foods begins in the Social Hall at 5:00 pm and the show starts in the Sanctuary at 5:45 pm. We would love to see your smiling face in the audience. So, bring your friends, family, and loved ones. Let’s have fun laughing together!


Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
From my magic friend Tate:
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.’I’d like to be eight again.’ she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again’?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant my dress size, you moron!!!!’

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.


A Message From Glenn:
Many of you receiving this email will be affected by Hurricane Florence. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Whether you are planning to ride-it-out or you’re traveling away from it, please be safe before, during, and after this storm. It only takes a second to change the rest of your life.

Glenn Strange


I ain’t got much, but I got good ….

Saturday, September 8th, 2018

As my Granddad would say, “I ain’t got much, but I got good credit.”

Enjoy this week’s funnies. Remember, please be careful …. you know how I worry.


Quote for Today:
“After working out, it takes 5 hours for the body temperature to return to normal. My body temperature has been normal for 35 years.” – Glenn Strange


At a Job Interview:
“Mr. Jones, what do you consider your greatest weakness?”

“Honesty.”

“Really? I don’t believe that is a weakness at all.”

“And I really don’t care about your stupid opinion!”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“We are continuing to receive compliments on Glenn’s family-oriented entertainment. His exceptional comedy is being repeated throughout the community.”
Barbara Treadway
Elizabethton Chamber of Commerce


Great Fun Audience Interaction
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A few differences between dogs and cats.
1) Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2) Dogs look natural on a leash. Cats look silly on a leash.
3) When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.
4) Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.
5) A dog knows when you’re sad. And he’ll try to comfort you. Cats don’t care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.
6) Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.
7) When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won’t go at all.
8) Dogs will come when you call them. And they’ll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.
9) Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only things cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they’re in pain.
10) Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

Characterize yourself in …..

Thursday, August 30th, 2018

Question:
My college professor asked me to characterize myself in five words.
“Quite lazy.”


Growing Up:
A small young lady in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the collection plates. She tugged on her father’s coat sleeve to get his attention, “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“This was my second time seeing Glenn’s show, and I enjoyed the show as much the second time as I did the first.”
        Ronald Pruett, Milliken​ Corp


Great Fun Audience Interaction
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A news reporter asked a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup, and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”

The reporter smiles: “Ah, I understand if you are sane you will take the bucket.”

The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”


 

WARNING: Laughter Below

Thursday, August 9th, 2018

Summer is near end and schools are starting up. Watch out for those big yellow school buses with the swinging “STOP SIGN”. They’re always surrounded by fast-moving excited kids. Please be careful …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Wilie 1, Teacher 0:
Teacher: This is the fourth time you’ve been late for school this week Willie! Do you know what that means?!
Little Willie: It means it’s Thursday.


Back To School:
Summer vacation was over and Little Sammy returned back to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait just a minute,” she said. “I had Sammy with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!; couldn’t you show me the same courtesy?”


What Glenn’s Client Say:”
“You were awesome! The planning committee members and I received rave reviews on your
presentation. Glenn, you are a meeting planner’s dream. You delivered and we looked good!”.
        Patricia Gisinger, Manager
       North Dakota Telephone Association


Get Your Tickets NOW!
This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
Little Johnny is continuously late for school and what’s worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why. The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.

The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late. Johnny says, “I was two hours early today, so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound Bass and had to take it home. If I didn’t clean it and freeze it, my mom would’ve been angry. That’s why I’m so late”.

The teacher promptly takes him to the principal’s office and explains the story to the principal. The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day. He says, “I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?”

Johnny replies, “Oh yeah, that’s my dog Sparky. That’s his third bear this week.”


You Can Detect Mental Disorders

Thursday, August 2nd, 2018

Detecting Mental Disorders :
“Would you mind telling me, doctor,” Benny asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three voyages around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’

Benny thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess, I don’t know much about history.”


School’s Starting Soon:
Little Billy’s 2nd-grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
“Billy,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Billy says, “Yeah!”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Your act was refreshingly original and one of the funniest we have had ever seen. You will long be remembered as one of the top best performers to have graced Upstate Magic Fest.”
      James Batten
New York Upstate
Magi Fest


This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry.

“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.”

“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful, and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.
The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”

“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh, what was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle.”


Got a New Dog … Named Him …

Thursday, July 26th, 2018

New Dog:
I got a new dog, and I named him Three-Miles. It sounds great to say I walk Three-Miles twice a day.


Kid and Kittens:
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. “How did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Your lively entertainment made all the difference for our guest. I will not hesitate to recommend your services to our clients and associates through the year.”
          Laura Rupnik, Director of Catering
          Chateau Elan


This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
FOR THE LADIES
While reading the sports section of the newspaper, Mike came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was known for his verbal abuse of his opponents and his low IQ.

“I’ll never understand,” he said to his wife, “why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replied, “Why, thank you, dear.”

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