Posts Tagged ‘clean’

Wishing You a Merry Christmas

Friday, December 21st, 2018

To all my Christian friends, I wish you a “Merry Christmas”. To all my Jewish friends, “Happy Hanukkah”. To all my Atheist friends, “Best of Luck!

BE careful  … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange


Lost and Found:
A lady lost her handbag when she was Christmas shopping. It was found and returned to her by an honest little boy named Johnny. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1.00 bills.”

Johnny quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. Last time I found a lady’s purse, she claimed she didn’t have any change for a reward.”


Holiday Stamps:
A guy goes into the post office and asks the clerk for some new holiday stamps.

The clerk behind the counter asks, “Which denomination?”

The guy thinks for a minute, then says, “Give me 5 Protestant, 7 Jewish, and 2  Hindu.”


Wee Christmas Jokes:
1) Thanks to credit cards, Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year.

2)  “Mama, Mama, can I have a dog for Christmas?” “No, you can have turkey like everyone else!”

3)  The grandmother asked her grandson if he had seen Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. Lil’ Jimmy said, “No, but I heard what he said when he stubbed his toe on the sofa.”

4) Did you hear about the guy who played golf on Christmas and accidentally hit a bird? He got a partridge on a par three


Now Booking 2019 Christmas Events 
Make Your Event FUN?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
It was the day after Christmas, and the pastor of a church was looking over the front lawn naivety when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing.

As he was walking back into the church he saw a little boy with a red wagon and in the wagon was the figure of the infant of Jesus.

So he walked over to the little boy and asked, “Well, young man, where’d you pick up your passenger?

The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”

“And why did you take Him?”

The little boy replied, “Well about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus, and I told Him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give Him a ride around the block in it.”


 

Pumpkin Spice Flavors

Thursday, October 25th, 2018

Only 6 Days Until Halloween.

There’s a reason Pumpkin Spice flavors are only available during the fall season. It’s because no one likes the taste of pumpkin.

I looked it up, and pumpkins are considered fruit. I don’t agree. Plums, oranges, bananas, apples, grapes, pineapples, strawberries, and watermelons are fruit.  Never in my life have I heard anyone say, “Y’all come over to the house this afternoon. We’re going to cut up a pumpkin.”

BE careful when you’re out there … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS-Don’t miss this week’s Halloween Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Stay Calm:
In a grocery store, a man was pushing a shopping cart that contained a screaming baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”


Older Person Wisdom:
As we grow older and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $600 or $60 watch – – – they both tell the same time.


What Clients Say:

“Glenn Strange did an excellent job for the Employees’ Service Banquet.  His talents as a magician are as good as anyone in the business.  We will be glad to recommend his performance for any group needing good,  clean entertainment.”
        Wade Bowman,  Manager
Coats American

Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Halloween Bonus:
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then dresses like a pumpkin and sits on Boss’ desk. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a jack-o-lantern.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” Her coworker starts to follow her, and the boss says, “Where do you think YOU are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”


Dog Steals Roast Beef

Thursday, October 18th, 2018

Only 13 Days Until Halloween. When I was a kid, we had to walk for miles going door to door begging for candy. At the end of the night, we had blisters on our feet, a half sandwich bag of candy, two apples, and six pecans.  Nowadays kids are driven to a Baptist church parking lot and come home with eight pounds of quality candy. They never even work up a sweat.

Enjoy this week’s funnies, and forward them to a friend. It’s free, and you’ll feel good.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS-Don’t miss this week’s Halloween Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Hungry Dog:
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to his neighbor. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

The butcher called up his lawyer neighbor and ask, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”

The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “$12.68.” said the butcher.

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $12.68.

Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $180.00


Wisdom & Nonsense:
!) “I haven’t failed at anything, I’ve just found all the wrong ways of doing it!!”– Unknown
2) “I never do anything by accident. I just like people to think I do.” – Unknown
3) “If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.” – Unknown


What People are Saying:

“He had the audience laughing so hard they had to wipe their tears away. Glenn Strange is a very gifted entertainer and I can strongly recommend him to others.”
      Ray J. McMinn, Chairman
Carolina Power & Light Company

Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Halloween Bonus:
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. In the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?” “Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”


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