Posts Tagged ‘Christmas Tree’

Dog Steals Roast Beef

Thursday, October 18th, 2018

Only 13 Days Until Halloween. When I was a kid, we had to walk for miles going door to door begging for candy. At the end of the night, we had blisters on our feet, a half sandwich bag of candy, two apples, and six pecans.  Nowadays kids are driven to a Baptist church parking lot and come home with eight pounds of quality candy. They never even work up a sweat.

Enjoy this week’s funnies, and forward them to a friend. It’s free, and you’ll feel good.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS-Don’t miss this week’s Halloween Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Hungry Dog:
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to his neighbor. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

The butcher called up his lawyer neighbor and ask, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”

The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “$12.68.” said the butcher.

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $12.68.

Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $180.00


Wisdom & Nonsense:
!) “I haven’t failed at anything, I’ve just found all the wrong ways of doing it!!”– Unknown
2) “I never do anything by accident. I just like people to think I do.” – Unknown
3) “If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.” – Unknown


What People are Saying:

“He had the audience laughing so hard they had to wipe their tears away. Glenn Strange is a very gifted entertainer and I can strongly recommend him to others.”
      Ray J. McMinn, Chairman
Carolina Power & Light Company

Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Halloween Bonus:
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. In the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?” “Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”


Reducing Christmas Shopping Stress & Lowering Cost

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

Early Christmas Eve morning this “Strange” family will convoy to Denny’s for a Grand Slam Breakfast. (Waffle House ruled out because of non-family friendly booths). After breakfast, it’s off to Lowes for gift exchanging. Each family member will bring a spring loaded wooden clothespin, their Christmas wish list & a #2 pencil.  Once inside, each person will claim a Christmas tree & attach their wish list to an eye level branch. Then the Christmas shopping will begin.

Each person will shop the store for one gift per family member. They’ll place that unwrapped gift under the family member’s tree & mark that item off the wish list, using their #2 pencil. Once everyone has finished shopping we’ll circle the trees, hold hands and sing “Jingle Bells”, Elvis’ “Blue Christmas”, and the first verse of “Silent Night”.

Each person will then buggy up the gifts from under their claimed Christmas tree, proceed to checkout, without the tree, & pay for the gifts they were given. By everyone paying for their own gifts, no one will have a tendency to ask for overly expensive gifts, and everyone will receive only gifts they really want.  Coupons are permitted and encouraged.

 

Christmas at Lowes Benefits

1. No Christmas tree to buy, water, or store

2. Reduces shopping time

3. Eliminates home decorating cost

4. No increase in electric bill

5. No fighting mall traffic

6. Eliminates returning presents

7. No gift wrapping

8. Decorations look new

9. Eliminates re-gifting

10. Reduces cleanup time

The Perfect Christmas Tree

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

After years of searching, I’m happy to announce I’ve discovered the perfect Christmas Tree.

1)  No Searching Christmas Tree Lots

2)  No Hiking In Woods

3)  No Chainsaw Required

4)  Never Have To Buy or Borrow a Truck

4)  No Aggravating Tree Stand

5)  Eliminates the Attic Crawl

6)  Sets Up Quickly

7)  No Messy Pine Needles To Clean Up

8)  Never Needs Watering

9)  Stays Decorated

10)  Fire Proof

11)  Eco-Friendly

12)  Dog Friendly

13)  Easy To Store

14)  Fresh Pine Smell

watch demo

Newsletter & Updates Signup!