Posts Tagged ‘Best Magician’

Pumpkin Spice Flavors

Thursday, October 25th, 2018

Only 6 Days Until Halloween.

There’s a reason Pumpkin Spice flavors are only available during the fall season. It’s because no one likes the taste of pumpkin.

I looked it up, and pumpkins are considered fruit. I don’t agree. Plums, oranges, bananas, apples, grapes, pineapples, strawberries, and watermelons are fruit.  Never in my life have I heard anyone say, “Y’all come over to the house this afternoon. We’re going to cut up a pumpkin.”

BE careful when you’re out there … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS-Don’t miss this week’s Halloween Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Stay Calm:
In a grocery store, a man was pushing a shopping cart that contained a screaming baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”


Older Person Wisdom:
As we grow older and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $600 or $60 watch – – – they both tell the same time.


What Clients Say:

“Glenn Strange did an excellent job for the Employees’ Service Banquet.  His talents as a magician are as good as anyone in the business.  We will be glad to recommend his performance for any group needing good,  clean entertainment.”
        Wade Bowman,  Manager
Coats American

Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Halloween Bonus:
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then dresses like a pumpkin and sits on Boss’ desk. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a jack-o-lantern.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” Her coworker starts to follow her, and the boss says, “Where do you think YOU are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”


Someone Told Me That …

Thursday, June 28th, 2018

“Someone told me that Hawaii is farther south than Florida. That may be true, but I can drive to Florida.” – Glenn Strange

Be careful driving on your vacation …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Teaching Johnny:
Little Johnny was making faces at school. The teacher catches him at it and says, “You know when I was little and made faces, my dad told me a secret. And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally can’t go back and you end up really ugly.”

Little Johnny quiets and says, “Well, at least you were warned…”


The Farmer Says:
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Glenn Strange was awesome. So talented and hilarious … he hit everything just right … we loved it! We thank him for sharing his gift and for creating laughter!!”
      Catherine Sullivan
      Clemson Sports Medicine & Rehabilitation


Your Bonus:
First Grader’s Answers

A first-grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each child in her class the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.  While reading, keep in mind that these are just 6-year-olds.

1. Don’t change horses
….. until they stop.
2. Strike while the
….. bug is close.
3. It’s always darkest before
…. Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of
….. termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but.
…. how?
6. Don’t bite the hand that
…. looks dirty.
7. No news is
….. impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a
….. Mister.
9. You can’t teach an old dog new
…. math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll
… stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust
…. me.
12. The pen is mightier than the
…. pigs.
13. An idle mind is
…. the best way to relax.
14. Where there’s smoke there’s
….. pollution.
15. Happy the bride who
…..gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is
…… not much.
17. Two’s company, three’s
….. the Musketeers
18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what
…. you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
….. you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as
…. Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not
….. spanked or grounded.
22. If at first, you don’t succeed
…… get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you
…. see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind
…… get out of the way.
25. Better late than
….. pregnant.

Improving Events with Laughter


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Horse for Sale

Thursday, May 17th, 2018

Enjoy this week’s funnies and share them with a friend.

Be careful on the highways … the roads may be slick …. you know how I worry.
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Weighing In At:
A woman caught her husband standing on the bathroom scales and sucking in his stomach.
Wife:  “Dear, you know, that won’t help?”
Husband:  “Oh it helps a lot, it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”


Why English is Confusing:
1) The soldier decided to *desert* his dessert in the *desert*.
2) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it  was time to  *present* the *present*.
3) He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out.


Glenn’s Client Says:
“Thank you for your wonderful performance at our annual convention in Destin, FL. All the comments have been very positive and complimentary. Your magic and comedy appealed to both children and adults, and that made the evening a tremendous success.”

        Doris Hydrick
Alabama Manufactured Housing Institute


Laughter at Pinehurst Resort!


Call  864-439-1369
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PPS – Your Bonus:
A young man named Don bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day, the farmer drove up to Don’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.” Don replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Don said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.” The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?” Don said, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!” Don said, “Sure I can, watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month Later, the farmer met up with Don and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?” Don said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Don said, “Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his five dollars back.”

Never Assume

Thursday, May 10th, 2018

To find out a time when you should never assume, read the bonus joke at the end.

Please be careful … you know how I worry.
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


That One kid:
History teacher asks Little Johnny: Where was the French – English peace treaty from 1800 signed?

Little Johnny: “Bottom right corner.”


Why English is Hard:
1) The bandage was *wound* around the *wound*.
2) The farm was used to *produce produce*.
3) The dump was so full that it had to *refuse* more *refuse*.


Glenn’s Client Says:

“Glenn, your show was GREAT! I heard many favorable comments. We thank you for performing at the ‘Lyric Theatre’ and hope you can come back.
        Brant Beene – Executive Director
Lyric Theatre and Alabama Theatre


Make Your Event Fun!


Call  864-439-1369
Are Just hit*Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
The Bulletin Newspaper photographer’s request was approved, and he quickly used his mobile phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He only had 2 hours to make his news deadline. He was told a twin-engine plane would be running and waiting for him when he arrived at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted the twin-engine warming up outside a hanger. Holding his camera bag, he jumped in the seat beside the pilot, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘Fly over Mount Stuart and make a few low passes over the fires on the hillsides.’ ‘Why?’ asked the pilot. ‘Because I’m a photographer for the Bulletin’ he responded,’and I need to get some close aerial shots.’

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally, he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is . . .. You’re NOT my flight instructor?’


Take the rest of the week off …

Thursday, April 19th, 2018

Hello,

After you read this week’s funnies and forward this email to your friends, you may take the rest of the week off … with pay. If anyone complains, have them call me, and I’ll take care of it.

Have a great long weekend. Please be careful … you know how I worry.
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Ask the Dentist:
Patient:  Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist:  Wear a brown tie!


Golf:

The golfer called one of the caddies over and said, “I want a caddie who is honest, dependable, and respectful. What is 3, plus 4, plus 5 add up to?”
“10 sir,” said the caddie.
“Good, you’ll do perfectly.”


Glenn’s Client Says:

“Our Annual Quarter Century Banquet was a huge success, due to your outstanding performance. Thank you for making our banquet one that we shall not soon forget. I hope we will be able to work together again.”
          Alfreada Walker
Mount Vernon Mills, Inc.


Make Your Event “Fun”


Call  864-439-1369
Are Just hit *Info*

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite

Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Your Bonus:
Little Noah was sent back to bed for the seventh time that evening, and his mommy is not amused.

She says, “Noah, if I hear one more time ‘Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that,’ you will be in big trouble! I don’t want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Now off to bed you go!”

Noah climbs the long stairs to his room, crawls up into his bed, and then there’s a short pause …… “Mrs. Lambden, May I have a glass of water please.”


Only 2 days and a few hours until April Fool’s Day

Monday, April 2nd, 2018

This year April Fool’s Day falls on Easter Sunday. I’m sorry, but something about that just doesn’t feel right.

Anyway, please be careful … I’m worried.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Palm Sunday:

It was Palm Sunday, but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds.

Johnny asked, “What are those for?”
“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by,” his dad told him.

“Wouldn’t you know it,” Johnny fumed, “the one Sunday I don’t go, and He shows up.”


Ask the Doctor:

“Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?”

“First of all, don’t give him anything to drink.”


Make Your Next Event “Fun”


Got Questions? 
We Have Your  Answers
Call  864-439-1369
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PPS – Your Bonus:A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novocaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”

The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?” The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”


 

Invest In Laughter

Thursday, February 22nd, 2018

Thank You to all my many friends and clients for the beautiful President Day cards. You’ll never know how much they meant to me.

Have a great week and laugh, it feels good. ​Please be careful ….. call me when you get there … you know how I worry. ​
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Love Funnies:
1)  “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx
2)  “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni
3)  “What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” – Cindy Garner


The Final Exam:
On his final exam, Buddy was stumped. He didn’t know any…not one… answer.
Finally, he wrote: “God alone knows the answers to these questions.”
When he got his report, it was written: “God gets an A. You get an F.”


How Important is Laughter?
The next time you are planning your very important banquet, convention, or meeting, remember: “An Event Without Laughter is Called a Funeral.” – Glenn Strange


It’s Easy to Make Your Event Fun
Pick up the phone and

Let’s Start Planning

864-439-1369
Are Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said. “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like this for only $59.00.”


 

Share a Laugh Today

Thursday, February 15th, 2018

I appreciate you taking your time to read these funnies. Pass them along to your friends. Have a great week!

Please be careful ….. call me when you get there … you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Small Town Doctor:
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 15 lbs 10 oz.


Wisdom and Nonsense:
1)  A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

2)  Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 8 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel with a pair of pliers.

3) Remember back when we were kids, and every time it was below zero out they closed school?  Me neither.


Laughter Is Important:
Laughter is the closest distance between two people. — Victor Borge 


An Event Without Laughter is Soon Forgotten.
Make your Event Rememberable.
Call for Glenn Strange

864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Your Bonus:
These are from actual courtroom records published in a book called “Disorder in the Courts”, By Charles Sevilla
Passed along to me by R. Vinson.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your Husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where are you, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: What is your Date of Birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What Year?
WITNESS: Every Year.

“National Kite Flying Day”

Thursday, February 8th, 2018

Hello << Test First Name >>,

Today, February 8, is “National Kite Flying Day”. So, it’s okay to tell someone to, “Go fly a kite.”

Please be careful ….. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Don’t Worry:
Why worry about gaining a few extra pounds? Fat people are harder to kidnap.


Good Career Choice:
A plumber was called to a doctor’s home to fix leaking faucet that had kept the surgeon awake the night before. After twenty minutes, the plumber handed the doctor a bill for $150.

The surgeon exclaimed, ‘I don’t charge this amount, and I’m a surgeon!”

The plumber replied, “neither did I when I was a surgeon.”


Quote To Live By:
A day without laughter is a day wasted. — Charlie Chaplin


Specializing In

Making Events Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Your Bonus:
An elderly couple noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down, so they don’t forget.

They went home, and the lady asks her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. “You might want to write it down,” she said. The husband said, “No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream.” She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. “Write it down,” she told him, and again he said, “No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.” Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. “Write it down,” she told her husband, and again he said, “No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.”

So he goes to get the ice cream and spends over 30 minutes in the kitchen. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, “Where’s my toast?”

Groundhog Day

Thursday, February 1st, 2018

Only one more day until Groundhog Day. Just think, if January only had only 30 days, Groundhog Day would be on February 1.

Enjoy this week’s jokes.  Remember, laughter is a gift that must be shared.

Please be careful ….. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Tee Shirt Sayings:
1)  I could be a morning person… if morning happened at Noon.
2)  Lead me not into temptation… oh, heck, just follow me– I know a shortcut.
3)  I’m not arguing… I’m just explaining why I’m right!​


Boardgames:
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”


Specializing in

Making Events Fun
Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Your Bonus:
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, ‘I bet you don’t know what day this is?’

‘Of course, I do,’ he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office.

At 11 o’clock, the doorbell rang.  The wife answered, and there at her front door was a UPS driver, in his had was a box containing 12 red roses. Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door, this time it was a deluxe box of Belgian chocolates.

Eventually, the husband came home, tired after a hard day’s work.  His wife greeted him by saying: ‘First the flowers, then the chocolates, I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!’

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