Posts Tagged ‘Best Magician’

Christmas Laughs

Thursday, December 7th, 2017

Only 18 more sleeps until Christmas.
Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Questions:
“Q” How do you know Santa has to be a man?
“A” No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

“Q”  What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
“A” It’s Christmas, Eve!

“Q”  What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
“A” The letter “D”!


Pick One:
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer, and Santa Claus all got into the elevator of the hotel. As the elevator traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, they noticed a $100 bill lying on the elevator floor. Which one picked up the $100 bill, and turned it into the hotel receptionist?

Santa Claus, the other two don’t exist.​


Make Your Event the Best
It’s a scientific fact: Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. So, hire Comedian Magician Glenn Strange for your next event and reduce sadness, fuss fights, and related medical expenses.​


Lyric Theater Birmingham
Only a Few Tickets Left
The Good News Is:
Not a Bad Seat In The House
Three on a String – Home for Christmas:
The Warblers
Something Else Trio
Glenn Strange

December 12, Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com.

PPS – Your Bonus:Three weeks before Christmas, little Johnny asked his mother if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Johnny, having just played a major role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. Johnny went to his room and wrote ‘ Dear Jesus, I’ve been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.’ But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So, he decided to try again, and this time he wrote ‘Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.’ He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either. He tried a third version. ‘Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.’ He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time, he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary on the front lawn. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. ‘Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you’d better send me a new bike.’


 

We Enjoy Being Around Happy People

Thursday, November 16th, 2017

Holiday Alert:  Only 7 days until Thanksgiving, and 39 sleeps until Christmas.

SAFETY DRIVING TIP: Wet leaves covering a road can be slippery when you’re applying your car breaks and/or turning your wheels.  Please be careful ….. you know how I do worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your Thanksgiving BONUS at the very end.


Nonsense = Wisdom:
1) Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
2) The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
3) What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?


Turning a Good Day Into a Bad Day:
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seatbelt.

“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asks.

The man responds, “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”

His wife says, “Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drinking.”

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.”

Just then a knock comes from the trunk, and a voice calls out, “Are we over the border yet?”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Our Annual Chamber of Commerce Dinner was a huge success. Glenn gave our members the perfect show. He provided good clean fun, great audience participation, amazing magic, and great comedy.  It was excellent.”
        V. W. Cross, President
Phenix City-Russell County Chamber of Commerce


If you’re in the Birmingham area, you should not miss this fun evening of laughter, great music, and magic. Three on a String – Home for Christmas: Laughing all the Way! With The Warblers! Something Else Trio! and myself. December 12, at the beautiful Lyric Fine Arts Theatre, in Birmingham, AL. Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com

PPS – Your Bonus: One of My Favorite Holiday Tales:
Bob in Birmingham calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, ‘I am sorry to tell you, but your mother and I are divorcing.  I cannot take any more of her moaning and complains.  We can’t stand the sight of each other anymore.’  I’m first telling you, Sam, because you’re the eldest, please call your sister in Chicago and gently break it to her.

When Sam calls his sister Julie, she says: ‘No way are they getting divorced, I’m taking the first flight I can get, and I’ll be at their house before Thanksgiving. I suggest you do the same and together we’ll talk some sense into them.’

Julie phones here parents and tells them both ‘You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won’t do anything until Sam, and I get over there. We’ll be with you tomorrow.  Until then, don’t take any action, please listen to me’, and she hangs up.

The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife and says. ‘Good news’ he says, ‘Sam and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving, and they’re paying their way.’


 

 

 

 

 

 

Laughter = Lasting Memories

Saturday, November 11th, 2017

“What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” ~Yiddish Proverb​

Have a happy day,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


We Are Different:
1)  A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

2)  A man will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn’t want.

3)  A woman marries a man expecting he will change but doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.


Last Words:

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past 5 years. The NTSB secretly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in 4 wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, “Watch out!”

In Alabama, 87.6% of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, watch this!”


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“I’ve had the privilege of seeing Glenn perform for high school students with their parents, and also senior adults. Glenn was marvelous at connecting with both. He has the unique ability to make the audience feel comfortable and appreciated”
Rev. C. Trammel
Catawba Baptist Church


For Your Entertainment Needs

Make Your Event Great!
Call:  864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PSS – Your Bonus Funny:
Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding. A cop pulls him over, and ask the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”

The man replies, “Yes I am. I’m trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”

The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you the one being robbed?”

The man casually replies, “No, I committed the robbery.”

The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. “So you’re telling me you were speeding…AND committed a robbery?”

“Yes,” the man calmly says. “I have the loot in the back.”

The cop begins to get angry. “Sir, I’m afraid you have to come with me.” The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.

“Don’t do that!” the man yells fearfully. “I’m scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!” The cop pulls his hand out. “Wait here,” he says.

The policeman calls for backup. Soon police cars and helicopters are everywhere. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. Before he gets in the backseat, another cop walks up and says, “Sir, Officer Spice informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car.”

The man replies, “Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!”​


Laughter Must Be Shared

Friday, November 10th, 2017

When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don’t tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes.​

Have a happy day,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


Irish Headstone:
Reilly was walking through a graveyard when he came across a headstone with the inscription, “Here lies a politician and an honest man.”

‘Faith now,’ exclaims Reilly, ‘I wonder how they got the 2 of them in one grave?’


Irish Humor At Its Best:

Soon after O’Shaughnessy clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office.

When O’Shaughnessy returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if it was bad news. ‘To be sure it was Boss’, he replied, ‘I just found out from Ireland that my mother died earlier this morning.’

‘Gosh, that’s awful, ‘replied the foreman, ‘Do you want the rest of the day off?’

‘No, ‘replied O’Shaughnessy. ‘I’ll finish the day out.’

About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him in the office. This time when O’Shaughnessy returned he looked twice as glum, and the foreman asked if everything was alright.

‘Bejeezuz Boss, it’s even worse news. That was my brother, and his mother died today too!’


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Everyone loved Glenn’s show and we can’t wait for the opportunity to work with Glenn again!”
       The EMS Family
Event Management Solutions​



Make Your Event Great!
Call:  864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
PPS – Your Bonus Funny:
Late one Saturday night, a policeman spotted O’Callaghan driving very erratically through the streets of Dungarvan, County Waterford. The policeman pulled him over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

‘Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Saturday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had 6 or 7 pints,’ chattered the inebriated O’Callaghan. ‘Then there was something called “Happy Hour” and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had 4 or 5 o’ those. Then I had to drive me friend O’Reilly home and o’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness – couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later …,’ and O’Callaghan fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The police officer sighed and said, ‘Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.’

Indignantly, O’Callaghan replied, ‘Why? Don’t ye believe me?’​​



April Fools Can Be Any Month

Thursday, November 9th, 2017

“I have great faith in fools — self-confidence, my friends call it.” – Edgar Allan Poe

Make someone laugh today. It’ll make you and them happier.

Today’s Safety Tip: “Remember, your first mistake can also be your last.”  Please be careful on the highways and in old abandoned wells… you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss this week’s BONUS funny at the very end.


April 1, Jokes to Try:
1)  Call your dentist office and remind them that you do not have an appointment next week.
2)  Hang a scented air fresheners all over someone’s office door.
3)  Place strong magnets inside a McDonald’s bag, locate the bag on the roof of your car and drive around.


Earth Science Question:

The teacher was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes, the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a long silence, a voice came from the back of the room, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”


What Glenn’s Client Said:
“I have never heard the residents laugh so hard or so much. Your show was professional, funny and very entertaining.”
      Bonnie Williams
Activities Director​



Celebrate with Laughter
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Speakers Bureau, Talent Agency
or CALL Directly

864-439-1369 
Just hit *Reply*


PPS – Your Bonus Funny:
Teacher: “If I gave you two cats and another two cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”​​


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