Posts Tagged ‘Banquet’

Laugh at Your Problems

Thursday, May 16th, 2019

Remember. “Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.” You’re welcome.


Kids:

Billy: “Mom, are our neighbors very poor people?
Mother: “I don’t think so, Billy. Why do you ask?”
Billy: “Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin.”


Yard Sale:

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a yard sale.
They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33.
So I asked the owner if he had a pair.
He shook his head, and said. “I’m still wearing the 33s, come back next year.”


The Artist:

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings which happened to be on display.

“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.”

“What did you say?” questioned the artist.

“When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The gentleman was your doctor.”

Only Four Days Until April 1

Thursday, March 28th, 2019

Only four days until April Fools’ Day. It’s time to start planning “who” and “what.”


Wisdom Time:

Talking to yourself is okay. Sometimes you need expert advice. The question is, “Do you listen?”


Twins:

My brother has just started dating a wonderful girl, and he told me she has a twin. I ask him how he could tell them apart? He said, “It’s easy. Addison paints her fingernails and Allen has a beard.​


Give the Gift of Laughter

Book Glenn for Your Event?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

864-439-1369
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her cheek, then his again. Finally, she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.” “Oh,” she paused… “Grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.” Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”


Wishing You a Merry Christmas

Friday, December 21st, 2018

To all my Christian friends, I wish you a “Merry Christmas”. To all my Jewish friends, “Happy Hanukkah”. To all my Atheist friends, “Best of Luck!

BE careful  … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange


Lost and Found:
A lady lost her handbag when she was Christmas shopping. It was found and returned to her by an honest little boy named Johnny. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1.00 bills.”

Johnny quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. Last time I found a lady’s purse, she claimed she didn’t have any change for a reward.”


Holiday Stamps:
A guy goes into the post office and asks the clerk for some new holiday stamps.

The clerk behind the counter asks, “Which denomination?”

The guy thinks for a minute, then says, “Give me 5 Protestant, 7 Jewish, and 2  Hindu.”


Wee Christmas Jokes:
1) Thanks to credit cards, Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year.

2)  “Mama, Mama, can I have a dog for Christmas?” “No, you can have turkey like everyone else!”

3)  The grandmother asked her grandson if he had seen Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. Lil’ Jimmy said, “No, but I heard what he said when he stubbed his toe on the sofa.”

4) Did you hear about the guy who played golf on Christmas and accidentally hit a bird? He got a partridge on a par three


Now Booking 2019 Christmas Events 
Make Your Event FUN?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
It was the day after Christmas, and the pastor of a church was looking over the front lawn naivety when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing.

As he was walking back into the church he saw a little boy with a red wagon and in the wagon was the figure of the infant of Jesus.

So he walked over to the little boy and asked, “Well, young man, where’d you pick up your passenger?

The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”

“And why did you take Him?”

The little boy replied, “Well about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus, and I told Him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give Him a ride around the block in it.”


 

New Tires are Cheaper Than Medical Expenses

Thursday, November 8th, 2018

SAFETY TIP: When driving, those wet leaves lying on the road can be as slick as ice when you’re turning or trying to stop quickly. New tires are cheaper than medical expenses.

BE careful  … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the bottom.


A Loving Husband:
A man and his wife walked past an expensive looking restaurant when his wife said, “What a gorgeous smell coming from that restaurant!”

Being kindhearted her husband agreed with her and thought, “What the heck, I’ll treat her!”

So, he walked her by the restaurant again!


Little Johnny Strikes Again:
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, “My daddy fell in a well last week.”
“My Goodness!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?”
“He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”


This E-mail’s Purpose is:

We all know someone that could use some laughter in their day. So, please fill free to forward this email to your friends or print it out and hand-deliver them a hard copy.


Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Bonus Joke:
Thanks To, J. Gaston

An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

DrYoung: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

DrGeezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

DrYoung: ‘Aaagh! — This is Gasoline!”

DrGeezer: “Congratulations!

You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

DrYoung gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

DrYoung: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

DrGeezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

DrYoung: “Oh, no you don’t — that is Gasoline!”

DrGeezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

DrYoung (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

DrYoung: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”

DrGeezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “Here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”



Pumpkin Spice Flavors

Thursday, October 25th, 2018

Only 6 Days Until Halloween.

There’s a reason Pumpkin Spice flavors are only available during the fall season. It’s because no one likes the taste of pumpkin.

I looked it up, and pumpkins are considered fruit. I don’t agree. Plums, oranges, bananas, apples, grapes, pineapples, strawberries, and watermelons are fruit.  Never in my life have I heard anyone say, “Y’all come over to the house this afternoon. We’re going to cut up a pumpkin.”

BE careful when you’re out there … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS-Don’t miss this week’s Halloween Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Stay Calm:
In a grocery store, a man was pushing a shopping cart that contained a screaming baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”


Older Person Wisdom:
As we grow older and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $600 or $60 watch – – – they both tell the same time.


What Clients Say:

“Glenn Strange did an excellent job for the Employees’ Service Banquet.  His talents as a magician are as good as anyone in the business.  We will be glad to recommend his performance for any group needing good,  clean entertainment.”
        Wade Bowman,  Manager
Coats American

Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Halloween Bonus:
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then dresses like a pumpkin and sits on Boss’ desk. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a jack-o-lantern.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” Her coworker starts to follow her, and the boss says, “Where do you think YOU are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”


Dog Steals Roast Beef

Thursday, October 18th, 2018

Only 13 Days Until Halloween. When I was a kid, we had to walk for miles going door to door begging for candy. At the end of the night, we had blisters on our feet, a half sandwich bag of candy, two apples, and six pecans.  Nowadays kids are driven to a Baptist church parking lot and come home with eight pounds of quality candy. They never even work up a sweat.

Enjoy this week’s funnies, and forward them to a friend. It’s free, and you’ll feel good.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS-Don’t miss this week’s Halloween Bonus joke, at the bottom.


Hungry Dog:
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to his neighbor. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

The butcher called up his lawyer neighbor and ask, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”

The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “$12.68.” said the butcher.

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $12.68.

Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $180.00


Wisdom & Nonsense:
!) “I haven’t failed at anything, I’ve just found all the wrong ways of doing it!!”– Unknown
2) “I never do anything by accident. I just like people to think I do.” – Unknown
3) “If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.” – Unknown


What People are Saying:

“He had the audience laughing so hard they had to wipe their tears away. Glenn Strange is a very gifted entertainer and I can strongly recommend him to others.”
      Ray J. McMinn, Chairman
Carolina Power & Light Company

Specializing in Clean Entertainment
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Halloween Bonus:
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. In the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?” “Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”


Want a Reason to Laugh

Thursday, September 27th, 2018

Residual Income:
I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay …… again.


Q & A:
Teacher:“Whoever answers my next question, can go home early.”
Little Johnny throws his book bag out the window.
Teacher: “Who threw that?”
Little Johnny:“Me ….. see y’all tomorrow.”


Public Show Wednesday, Oct 3:
You are invited to Wellford Baptist Churchon Wednesday, October 3, for a family fun night of comedy and magic. For ages 5 to 105. The show will start at 6:30 pm in the sanctuary. I hope you can make it. Bring your friends and let’s have fun laughing together!   GPS Information:  235 Syphrit Road, Wellford, SC 29385



Make Your Next Event Fun
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit*Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:
A politician running for office toured the country. His campaign took him to all the backward places of the country and to places that most of us have only seen on maps.Unlike other office-seekers, this politician took his wife along, especially to the more remote locations. When the elections were over, the man found that his “family man” image had helped him to be victorious.But he still looked glum. One day, his friend asked him: “Why so glum, buddy? You’ve won the election. People are so impressed with your family-person image. They really appreciate you for having taken your wife along on your campaign, no matter how remote or dangerous the route was.” “What’s the use,” the politician grumbled. “She always found her way back!”

You Can Detect Mental Disorders

Thursday, August 2nd, 2018

Detecting Mental Disorders :
“Would you mind telling me, doctor,” Benny asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three voyages around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’

Benny thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess, I don’t know much about history.”


School’s Starting Soon:
Little Billy’s 2nd-grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
“Billy,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Billy says, “Yeah!”


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“Your act was refreshingly original and one of the funniest we have had ever seen. You will long be remembered as one of the top best performers to have graced Upstate Magic Fest.”
      James Batten
New York Upstate
Magi Fest


This will be a fun night of Magic, Mentalism, and Laughter. I’m looking forward to being a part of “Atlanta Magic Night” on Friday, August 17, 2018. If you’re in the Atlanta area, click on the poster and get your tickets now. $15 advance and $20 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 pm. The show starts at 8:00 pm.
More info: https://tinyurl.com/yaop3oxt

Improve Your Event with Laughter

Call  864-439-1369
Or Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry.

“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.”

“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful, and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.
The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”

“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh, what was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle.”


You Know You’re Lazy When …

Thursday, July 12th, 2018

We’re on the down-hill side of summer.
Please be careful on your vacation, because someone you know and somebody you have yet to meet, loves you …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS– Don’t miss this week’s Bonus joke, at the very end.


Wisdom and Nonsense:
1)  You know you’re lazy when you get excited about canceled plans.
2)  The first 50 years of marriage are the hardest.
3)  People said, “Follow your dreams”… so I went BACK TO BED!


Glenn’s Client Says:”
“I’ve asked people to give me their honest critique of our fundraiser. Without exception everyone polled and many more not asked have raved about you and the story you shared. If I lived two lifetimes, I could not thank you enough for your amazing show and your personal story.”
       Brandon Cox
Calvary Home for Children


Improving Events with Laughter


Call  864-439-1369
Are Just hit *Info*


PPS – Your Bonus:
A Texas rancher goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer, and they start talking.

The Aussie shows the Texan a large wheat field and the Texan says. Oh, we have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.

They walk around a little, and the Australia shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have long horns that are at least as twice as large your cows.”

The conversation dies down until the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos moving across the field. “What are those?”, ask the Texan.

The Aussie replies, “What, you don’t have grasshoppers in Texas?”


Baby It’s Cold Outside

Thursday, January 4th, 2018

This is no joke. I actually heard this on the TV news yesterday. It’s so Cold that the zoo has brought their penguins inside. Maybe they need to add a doggie door.

Please be careful …. it’s cold …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Scientific Study:
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,872,746,252 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read the actual number.


Handling Sexual Harassment:
A male student at a management business school came up to a girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?” asked the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”


Healthcare Saving
Book Comedian Magician Glenn Strange for your next event and reduce your healthcare cost. It’s a scientific fact: Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Make your next event the best one ever.


Don’t Miss “Three on a String”
When: Saturday, Jan 6, 2018
Where: Newberry Opera House
Time: 8:00 pm
Click Here For Tickets 
More Than Great Music
An event you will remember forever
Have fun laughing
And tell your friends about

PPS – Your Bonus:There was a father who called his five small children together.
As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle. He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.

He asked them “who is the most obedient?” Five sets of eyes looked up at him. Sensing that they didn’t understand the word he then asked, “ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?”

One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. “Okay, you win!” exclaimed the child.


 

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