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Laughter Leads to Likin

Thursday, April 11th, 2019

Shopping Math:

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.

Dating:

Two mice meet and start chatting. “Look,” says one after a while, “I’ve got a
new boyfriend!” and shows a picture on the mobile phone. “O-my-goodness,”
cries the other mouse, “that’s a bat!” “What?! He told me he was a pilot!”

Give the Gift of Laughter

PPS – Bonus Joke:

A guy and his dog wall into a bar. The guy tells the bartender that his dog can talk. The bartender says, “Prove it'”

“Okay boy. Tell me — how does sandpaper feel?” “Ruff!”

“What are you tryin’ to pull, mister? That ain’t talking! Any dog can bark!”

“Okay, okay,” says the man. “One more question, please? Okay buddy, tell me — who is the greatest ballplayer who ever lived?” “Ruth.”

The bartender beats the guy up and throws him onto the sidewalk outside of the bar; then he throws the dog out next to him.

The dog stands up and looks at the guy. “Geez. D’ya think I shoulda said,
DiMaggio?”


My Car Has a Problem

Thursday, April 4th, 2019

“My car has a problem. When I drive and eat donuts, the steering wheel gets sticky.” – Glenn Strange

The Joys of Parenthood:

Mother: “So what have you been doing at school today?”
Little Johnny: “I don’t really want to talk about it, right now. Watch the news, at 6:00.”​

Ten Commandments:

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy mother,” she asked, “is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shalt not kill.”

Give the Gift of Laughter

Book Glenn  for Your Event?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Bonus Joke:

One day, a man is walking along the beach and comes across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubs it and, much to his surprise, a genie actually appears. “For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes,” says the genie.

The man is ecstatic. “But there’s a catch,” the genie continues. “What catch?” asks the man, eyeing the genie suspiciously. The genie replies, “For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you ask for.” “Hey, I can live with that! No problem!” replies the elated man.

“What is your first wish?” asks the genie. “Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!” POOF! A Ferrari appears in front of the man. “Now, every lawyer in the world has been given TWO Ferraris,” says the genie. “What is your next wish?” “I could really use a million dollars,” replies the man, and POOF! One million dollars appears at his feet. “Now every lawyer in the world is TWO million dollars richer,” the genie reminds the man. “Well, that’s OK, as long as I’ve got MY million,” replies the man.

“And what is your final wish?” asks the genie. The man thinks long and hard, and finally says, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.”


Only Four Days Until April 1

Thursday, March 28th, 2019

Only four days until April Fools’ Day. It’s time to start planning “who” and “what.”


Wisdom Time:

Talking to yourself is okay. Sometimes you need expert advice. The question is, “Do you listen?”


Twins:

My brother has just started dating a wonderful girl, and he told me she has a twin. I ask him how he could tell them apart? He said, “It’s easy. Addison paints her fingernails and Allen has a beard.​


Give the Gift of Laughter

Book Glenn for Your Event?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

864-439-1369
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau


PPS – Bonus Joke:

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her cheek, then his again. Finally, she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.” “Oh,” she paused… “Grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.” Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”


Cowboys, Bankers, and Skunks

Thursday, March 21st, 2019

Cowboy Wisdom:

1) Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
2) Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
3) A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Home Improvements:

I guy lives on a street where all the homes are built the same size and shape.

He asks his neighbor, “How much wallpaper did you buy to paper your
kitchen/dining room area?”

“I got eleven rolls,” answers the neighbor.

Two months later the guy meets his neighbor again and says, “It’s really funny – I put the wallpaper up in my kitchen/dining area and I had six rolls left over.”

Neighbor replies, “Yeah, so did I.“

PPS – Bonus Joke:

A banker, driving by a cattle ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had
happened.

He then asked what the animal was worth.

“Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years, it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”

The banker sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

“Here, is the check for $900,” he said. “It’s postdated six years from now.”

Get your Valentine’s Day gift early

Friday, January 18th, 2019

Only 15 Days until Groundhog Day. Better buy your Valentine’s gift before they get gone.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.


Math Question:

The teacher asks: “Now, Susan, how many fingers have you?”

Susan: “Ten.”

Teacher: “Right. Now if you lost four of them, what would you have?”

Susan: “No more piano lessons.”


Ear Deal:

A man is bragging about his new hearing aid. “It’s the best I’ve ever had,” he says. “It cost $3,000.”

His friend asks, “What kind is it?”

He says, “Half past four!”


Glenn’s Client Said:

“Thanks for a GREAT program at our annual Banquet. I’ve received many
compliments for your performance and everyone had a really great time.
Thanks for sharing your talent, and some good, clean, fun with our group.”

T Frazier
Alabama Trucking Association


Making Happy People Appear

Your Event Will be FUN?

Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events
If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

Call: 864-439-1369


PPS – Bonus Joke:

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person
could go and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.


Best Jokes of 2018

Thursday, December 27th, 2018

A special thank you to all the subscribes that shared these jokes and funnies this past year.

BE careful … you know how I worry,
Glenn Strange

PS- Don’t miss this week’s Bonus Joke, at the bottom.

_________________________________________

They Say:
They say you can’t get a decent job without an education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

__________________________________________

Just One Little Thing:
My Wife is so Negative:

I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

___________________________________________

Father & Son Talk:
Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What? I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new parents will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

___________________________________________

Kids and Kittens:
A four-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

“How did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

___________________________________________

Golf:
A golfer was having a terrible round; 20-over par for the front nine with several balls lost in water or rough. When his caddie coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 12th, he lost it.

“You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world!” he yelled.

“I doubt it,” replied the caddie, dead-pan. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”

_______________________________________________

Whales:
A teacher asked her class what they knew about whales. 

One little girl spoke up and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher smiled and said she didn’t think that was very likely because even though whales can be big, their throats are not big enough to swallow a man.

But the little girl was adamant and maintained that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher was getting impatient and reiterated that this was physically unlikely.

But the girl was unmoved and said that when she got to heaven, she would ask Jonah.

“But what if Jonah went to hell?” the teacher asked. The girl replied, “Then you can ask him.”

_______________________________________________

Cowboy Wisdom:

1) Don’t name a pig you plan to eat.

2) Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

3) It’s better to be a has-been than a never-was.

4) If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t

5) It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

6) If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

7) Never miss a good chance to shut up.

_________________________________________________

A Fact, A Question, A Prayer:
!)  I don’t need anger management. I need obnoxious people to stop annoying me!

2) Why do I have to press one for English when they’re just gonna transfer to someone in a foreign country?

3) Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

______________________________________________________

Handling Sexual Harassment:
A male student at a management business school came up to a girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?” asked the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”

__________________________________________________

Home Alone:
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10-year-old little Johnny opens the door, holding a cup of coffee and smoking a cigar.

The salesman asked, “Young man is your mother home?”

Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What do you

think?”

_____________________________________________________

Cost of a Parrot:

A man goes to a pet store to buy a parrot. The pet store assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks him to choose one.

The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?’’

The assistant says, ‘’$1000.”

The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive.

The assistant explains, ”This parrot is very special. He speaks and understands English; he can make copies, and take incoming phone calls.’’

”What about the green parrot?” the man asks.

The assistant says, ”He costs $4000 because He speaks and understands English, Spanish, and German. He types 80 words per minute and is proficient in Microsoft Office, Word, and Excel. He can also deliver a beautiful Powerpoint presentation on just about any subject.’’

”What about the red parrot?” the man asks.

The assistant says, ”That bird is $10,000.’’

The man says, ‘’My goodness, what does HE do?’’

The assistant says, ‘’Absolutely nothing, but the other two parrots call him boss.’’

_______________________________________________

Just a Game:
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

_________________________________________________

Doctor Doctor:
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 19 lbs 10 oz.

__________________________________________________

What Glenn’s Clients Say:
“Everyone thoroughly enjoyed your performance!  I have only heard good things. Please feel free to use me as a reference.  I will gladly give you the highest accolades!”
         Laura Strickland
         Sylacauga Chamber of Commerce

Why Plan an Event Without
Planning for Laughter?

Make Your Event FUN?
info@GlennStrange.com
Or Just hit *Info*Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights
Conventions, Awards Banquets, After Dinner, Church Events

If You Prefer, You May
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau

PPS – Bonus Joke:
One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said. “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like this for only $59.00.”

Laughter Is the Best Medicine

Wednesday, October 4th, 2017

Please take a few minutes to check out my recent interview with Loyd Ford on The Stories of the Upstate podcast (#207). You can do this on iTunes, with the Stitcher app, or go directly to their website http://www.upstateisgreat.com. Or, just click the picture below.

I hope this week’s email will make you smile and you’ll forward it on to your friends, family, and loved ones. We need more smiles in this world. So, spread ’em.

Make someone laugh today,
Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS funny at the very end.


Phone Messages:

1)  Hi! The answering machine here is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

2)  Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need a time share deal and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their church and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they’ll get back to you.

3)  Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message and, if I don’t call you back, it’s you.


3 Pearls of Wisdom:

1)  Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
2)  No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
3)  If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you have never tried before.

Quote from Glenn’s Client
“Your show is ‘the best’ and we are continuing to receive compliments on your
family-oriented entertainment. Your exceptional comedy is being repeated throughout the community.”
       Barbara Treadway, Executive Director
Elizabethton Chamber of Commerce



Looking for Clean Professional Comedy?
Call
864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*
Conferences, Meetings, Outreach, Comedy Nights,
Conventions, Awards Banquets, Church Events

If You Prefer
Book Glenn Through Your Favorite
Booking Agency or Speakers Bureau.

PSS – Your Bonus Funny:

There once was a man and a woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They talked about everything. They kept no secrets from each other… except that the old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she cautioned her husband never to open it or ask her about it.

For all these years he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick, and the doctor said she would never recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed it was the time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it he found 2 beautifully crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling over $25,000. He asked her about the unusual contents. “When we were married,” she said, ” my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was never to argue. She told me that if I ever got angry or disappointed with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily.”

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back the tears. Only 2 precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry or disappointed with him 2 times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with joy and happiness.

“Sweetheart,” he said… “that explains the doilies, but what about all this money? Where did it all come from?” Oh,” she said, ” that’s the money I made from selling the doilies.”


When Introductions Go Bad

Tuesday, September 20th, 2016

When Introductions Go Bad

When Introductions Go Bad

I was honored and thrilled when the National Speakers Association featured my article in their publication. “SPEAKER Magazine”.

I should have recognized things were headed south when she walked to center stage, firmly planted her feet shoulder width apart, looked down, and began shuffling through pages of paper. This lady that had been given the task of introducing me to her association members. The same lady that told me earlier that afternoon, “I do not need your prepared introduction. I’ve put a lot of time, thought, and rehearsal into what I’m saying, and if you don’t let me use the introduction I’ve worked so hard on, I’ll be heartbroken.”

Well, I should have broken her heart that afternoon. Because that sweet little elderly lady had single handily …… (MORE)


JOKE TIME

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

‘What’s up?’ says the driver.

‘Your wife fell out the passenger door 3 miles back,’ says the policeman.

‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’


FARMER’S WISDOM

  1. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  2. Good judgment comes from experience and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
  3. Always drink upstream from the herd.

DID YOU KNOW?

A flamingo can only eat when its head is upside down, and they don’t taste like chicken.


QUOTE TO REMEMBER

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.”
Michael Pritchard


“Thank You” to Jeryl Anderson and Kelly Palmer for making sure I had everything I needed for my show and allowing me to be a part of your annual event. A special “Thank You” to your association members, their laughter, and for the jobs, they do every day. img_6360


Question: What Makes an Event Rememberable?

Answer: LAUGHTER

To book Glenn Strange for your next important event. You may go through your favorite Speakers Bureau, Talent Agent, or Contact His Office Direct:

Call: 864-439-1369

info@GlennStrange.com


40 Reasons To Be Happy

Sunday, March 2nd, 2014

Happy People:
1. Are More Productive
2. Are Healthier
3. Are Fun to be Around
4. Think Clearly
5. Make Better Decisions
6. Make Decisions Quickly
7. Correct Bad Decisions and Move Forward
8. Enjoy More Success in Life
9. Experience a Better Quality Life
10. Have Better Problem Solving Skills
11. Maintain a Well-balanced Lifestyle
12. Have Great Social Lives
13. Know Their Purpose in Life
14. Are Energetic
15. Are Creative
16. Are Trusting
17. Have Positive Self-Image
18. Are Responsive
19. Keep Friends
20. Make Friends Quickly
21. Make Better Leaders
22. Feel Good on the Inside
23. Live Longer
24. Have Successful Relationships
25. Endure Pain Better
26. Endure Sad Times Better
27. Have Happy Families
28. Have Self Control
29. Have Higher Job Productivity
30. Receive Higher Pay
31. Have Less Depression
32. Handle Stress Better
33. Have Better Comprehension Skills
34. Make Others Feel Important
35. Think Positively
36. Act Positively
37. Are Winners
38. Have Goals
39. Encourage Others
40. Are Team Players

 Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

Put an End to Boring Banquets with Time-Tested & Proven Fun Programs by Glenn Strange

To Read Other Fun Glenn Strange Blog Post Click Here

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