In the News

In Case of Fire

Thursday, September 7th, 2017

Please, remember to share laughter with the people you care about each and every day.

Safety Reminder: In case of fire. Exit the building before posting it on Facebook. Please be careful …..  you know how I worry. ​​​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Wisdom Bits:
1) If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
2) A lot of people become pessimists from financing optimists.
3) Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


Fishing:
“Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an older man fishing in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The older man replied, “You’re the eighth.”​


Quote from Glenn’s Client
“I have received multiple calls and texts from our group stating this was the best party ever. That is thanks to you …..”
       Shelley Sanoulis
Spectra Colorants, Inc

 

 



25 or 2500 People
What’s the Key to Making
Your Event a Success?
“EVERYONE LAUGHING
TOGETHER”

Call 864-439-1369
Just hit *Info*

PPS – Your Bonus:While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard.

“Sand,” said the cyclist.

“Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. “Say, friend, you sure had us crazy,” said the guard. “We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won’t say a word – but what is it you were smuggling?” “Bicycles!” ​


Best Job In the World

Thursday, February 26th, 2015

The TV weather-person has to be the best job in the world. They never get fired for being wrong, they receive praises when they call it right, and their boss lets them play outside when it snows.

WEATHER ALART: It’s snowing in SC tonight. Please remember to keep fresh unfrozen water and food for your outside pets, the wild birds, and the TV weather people. They’re all outside and unable to care for themselves.

weather

Good Foot Brian Williams …. What a Guy

Saturday, February 14th, 2015

brian-williams

I first met Brian Williams in 2004, where we finished 5th and 6th in the New York City Marathon. We became best friends in 2005, at the Quebec Winter Triathlon. Where he twisted his ankle on a used water bottle and was ready to give up. I threw him on my back and we tied for 9th.

Brian was devastated because he believed, and was convinced he would be unable to compete in running events for at least a year. After all, that’s what his doctor, Dr. Oz had told him. Brian was slipping into a deep depression. He was losing his passion for running.

I had to do something, and do it quickly. That’s when I came up with the brilliant idea that Brian and I would team up to go on the Southeastern Three Legged Sack Race Circuit. Just to verify my plan, I contacted my personal friend, Dr. Phil. He was in the middle of show taping, but for some reason, on that day he took my call during a commercial break. He agreed that my plan of competing in Three Legged Sack Races would be a good activity to keep Brian from depression. He also said, he wished he had thought of it. Little did I know how competitive Brian would be by using just his good foot.

That 2005 summer we entered and won every Three Legged Sack Race on the Southeastern Circuit. Over 23 races within a 16 week period. It was an extremely tiring, demanding, and grueling schedule. Lots of farm day festivals, county fairs, and medium size church picnics.

23 first place wins! I don’t think I’ve every witnessed anyone equal to Brian’s strong determination, confidence, and his laser like focus. … Brian Williams …. what a guy.

THE REST OF THE STORY
So, now you know where the slogan, “Put Your Best Foot Forward”  came from…. Thank you,  Brian Williams …. what a guy.

written and lied by Glenn Strange 2015ⓒ

Breaking Marketing Rules

Friday, January 31st, 2014

It’s interesting how the experts say a successful marketing campaign must include things like the products benefits, how the product will solve the client’s problems, define your unique selling proposition, and end with a call to action. Well, this years Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch) Super Bowl Commercial seems to march to the beat of a different drummer. Does not matter if you’re a beer customer or not, you will remember this commercial and the product. Click Here if you can’t see video:

Unexpected Government Shut Down Effects

Tuesday, October 1st, 2013

After Pop-Tart number 2, I realized the toaster-oven timer had stopped working. Evidently a result of the government shut-down. WARNING: Pop-Tarts are flammable.
PopTart

Britain’s Perfect Stimulus Storm

Thursday, July 18th, 2013

BREAKING NEWS – Kate Middleton has not missed her due date. It’s a well orchestrated lie. The American news media is all concerned as to why the Duchess of Cambridge has gone past her July 13, due date. Think about it for a minute. It’s so simple, it’s easily overlooked. It’s all a part of the royal families way of boosting their countries suffering economy. It’s the perfect stimulus plan.

Remember way back in the seventeen hundreds, it was high taxes that resulted in the first Tea Party. We all know how the British’s will tax anything that’s moving, standing, or said. The clever British have done it to us again. Not only America, but to the entire world. They announced a way early due date of July 13, 2013, for the royal baby. Today is July 18, and the world is still waiting. They knew every country in the world would be sending news representatives to cover the big day. Foreigners with unlimited expense accounts, staying in Britain’s most expensive hotels, eating at the finest restaurants, and sightseeing.

The fictitious early due date has caused thousands of foreign news media representatives to extend their stay and spend more money. Even better for Britain, this is all foreign money. Not local money, but new money pouring into their economy.

In addition, the news media coverage is promoting England to the entire world and enticing thousands of tourist to make plans to travel to their country for months and even years into the future. This is better than a hour long feature special on the Travel Channel. This is a “no-cost” marketing and advertising plan that’s generating millions of new dollars (or pounds) to Britain’s economy. And, it’s all taxed, over and over again.

The British have taken an event, that cost them absolutely nothing and created the perfect economical recovery storm for their country. America may have won the revolution, but the British have figured a way to continue taxing us and we American’s are excited to be a part. After all, everyone loves a new baby …. especially if it’s born with an English accent.

british

USDA Requires Magicians to Write Disaster Plan for Rabbits

Tuesday, July 2nd, 2013

Sometimes you hear a story that’s so unbelievably funny, that it actually turns into unbelievably serious.  Such is the case with my magician friends, Marty & Brenda Hahne. Two of the kindest and most caring family & children entertainers in the business. They are based out of Ozark, MO, and travel the US entertaining audiences in schools, libraries, malls, and other venues.

A few years ago, the USDA  Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service agents started searching out magicians and showing up uninvited at their homes. Because of the USDA’s (the Rabbit Police) on going harassing of unannounced inspections, costly license requirements, increased veterinarian expenses, and other unnecessary time and money consuming requirements, magicians across the US have implemented Rabbit Lay-Offs. Yes, once productive, useful, smile-making rabbits have been turned into useless dependent animals existing without a purpose.  Many former joy-giving show rabbits have just given up.

All this happened because of our Washington, well educated student loan funded lawmakers. Today, hundreds of thousands of American children will never experience the joyful surprise of seeing a soft fluffy rabbit magically appear before their eyes.  They’ll never again have an opportunity to pet or hold a live rabbit during or after a magic show.  Because, most all magicians have excluded live rabbits from their shows due to new government enforced regulations. Included in the long list of nonsense government regulations is a law that states, if a child  is allowed the opportunity to touch a rabbit in anyway, the magician is required to supply a government approved hand-washing station that’s located within sight of where the rabbit touching takes place.

Marty & Brenda Hahne felt it was important that their audience members experience the fun and excitement of witnessing a magician appear a live rabbit.  So, they exccepted the fact that their end-of-year income would decrease substantially in order to meet the new Rabbit Police Laws. They made a commitment to each other, their audiences, and a promise to Charley, the rabbit; he was staying in the show and would not be a victim of rabbit laid off.

Just when you think the US government could not do anything else to make something more difficult, the government proves that anything’s possible.  On June 27, 2013, Marty Hahne posted on his facebook that his USDA rabbit license requirement just took another ridiculous twist. He received an 8 page letter from the USDA, telling him that by July 29, he needs to have in place a written Disaster Plan, detailing all the steps he would take to help get his rabbit through a disaster, such as a tornado, fire, flood etc. Before the end of July he needs to have this written rabbit disaster plan in place, or he is breaking the law.

Here’s the detailed timeline the USDA gave Marty to comply with its order:

• The new regulation became effective Jan. 30, 2012;

• The written plan must be completed by July 29, 2013;

• Hahne and his wife, Brenda, must be trained to implement the plan as written;

• The written plan must be available for review by USDA inspectors by Sept. 28, 2013.

This is an example of a humor transformation. A true story that started out by being unbelievably funny, and then transforming into unbelievable. Everyone loves to laugh, but everyone doesn’t laugh at the same thing. Understanding humor can be complicated and complex with confusing constantly changing exceptions.  They’re no “always black” or “always white” rules in comedy.  What was funny today, may not be funny tomorrow. Most people responded with laughter when they first heard  the rabbit disaster plan story, but now, few seem to be laughing.

 

Click Here to:   Watch Marty perform with USDA Approved Charley the Rabbit.

Rabbit Kill Cook Eat 2 6-28-13

 

Sources:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/watch-him-pull-a-usda-mandated-rabbit-disaster-plan-out-of-his-hat/2013/07/16/816f2f66-ed66-11e2-8163-2c7021381a75_story.html

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/jul/1/agriculture-department-tells-magician-write-disast/

http://bobmccarty.com/2011/05/25/usda-rabbit-police-stalking-magicians/

http://bobmccarty.com/2013/06/28/usda-tells-magician-to-write-disaster-plan-for-his-rabbit/

Cartoon by http://BobMcCarty.com

http://martythemagician.com/

 

 

 

In the News: Watching TV Shortens Life Span. Say What?

Sunday, October 9th, 2011

The Los Angeles Times reports about a study claiming, “For each hour of TV watched, you are at risk of shortening your life by 18%.” Well, I DON’T THINK SO!!!  What “less than brilliant” person came to that conclusion? Smells like someone justifying their federal grant money.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a TV repairman to figure this one out.  Think about it for a minute:  It’s on public record, that most dead people were sick when they died. Now, what’s the first thing people do when they get sick? That’s right; they cut on the TV and go to bed.  Watching TV is of the few things sick people are able to do. Plus, it can actually be therapeutic and comforting.

Every hospital room in America comes standard with a remote controlled TV, an adjustable bed, and a flimsy plastic bed pan. The bed pan is there to keep the sick in front of the TV and out of the bathroom. Have you ever tried to use a flimsy, one-size-fits-all, plastic bed pan? Besides being extremely embarrassing, it’s a struggle, it’s exhausting, and extremely strenuous. The act alone is enough to make a healthy person wish they were dead. So, I’m here to tell you, the study is incomplete and 100% incorrect. Watching TV does not shorten a person’s life. Life is shortened by the exhausting strenuous struggle that’s required for a sickly person to mount and dismount a flimsy, one-size-fits-all, plastic bed pan.  I encourage you to write your congressman and insist that WARNING LABELS be required for all bed pans. I’m sure bed pans even shorten more lives than cigarette smoking. Watching TV doesn’t shorten life – it’s the Bed Pans.

Click here to read the Los Angeles Times article…

Written by Glenn Strange 9/11/11 thru 9/17/11

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