Christmas

Share the Laughter

Thursday, December 21st, 2017

Only 4 sleeps until Christmas. I’m excited.

HEALTH WARNING: Doctors warn that Christmas trees can make you sick.  I can believe that because Hallmark Christmas Stories make me ill.  Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Christmas Quotes:
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas”. – Kin Hubbard

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“When you stop believing in Santa you get underwear.” – Unknown

“I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” – Steven Wright

“If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.” – Author Unknown

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.”
– Author Unknown


When Choosing Entertainment:
Remember:
No one will ever complain because you made them laugh too much.
Glenn Strange Comedy Magician, now booking for 2018.


Coming To Newberry Opera House
Saturday, Jan 6, 2018
“Three on a String”
Start your New Year off with laughter. A performance you’ll never forget and you’ll be talking about for years to come. Don’t miss “Three on a String”, You will laugh have fun and hear great music. Yes, there are 4 of them, where there was once 3. They’re better at music and comedy than they are math. Come and hear the rest of the story. Clean Fun Entertainment for the whole family. Newberry Opera House, Newberry, SC, Saturday, Jan 6, 2018. CLICK HERE for ticket information. The above picture was made at Lyric Theatre, in Birmingham, AL.

PPS – Your Bonus:All I Needed to Know About Life I learned from Santa
1) Encourage people to believe in you.
2) Always remember who’s naughty and who’s nice.
3) Don’t pout.
4) It’s as much fun to give as it is to receive.
5) Some days it’s ok to feel a little chubby.
6) Make your presents known.
7) Always ask for a little bit more than what you really want.
8) Bright red can make anyone look good.
9) Wear a wide belt and no-one will notice how many pounds you’ve gained.
10) If you only show up once a year, everyone will think you’re very important.
11) Whenever you’re at a loss for words, say: “HO, HO, HO!”


 

Only 11 Sleeps Until Christmas

Thursday, December 14th, 2017

Only 11 sleeps until Christmas. If today, you bought a dozen Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and ate one per day, your last doughnut would be eaten the day after Christmas. Plus, it would probably make you sick.

HEALTH WARNING: Doughnuts should be eaten within two days of the “Hot Light”.  Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Grandma Wisdom:
One Christmas, a mother, decided she was not going to remind her kids to send thank you notes. Because of that, the kids’ grandmother did not receive any thank notes for the Christmas checks she sent to the kids.

The next Christmas, all the grandkids stopped by in person to thank their grandmother for their checks.

Grandmother’s neighbor noticed and asked, “What caused this change in behavior?” The grandmother replied, “Simple. This year I didn’t sign their checks.”


The Christmas Wish:
When a father asked his five-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, the son replied, “A baby sister.”

As it turned out, the wife was pregnant and delivered on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day she brought home a brand new baby sister for their son.

The next year, the father asked his young son what he was thinking about for Christmas. The son said, “If it wouldn’t make mommy too uncomfortable, I’d like a pony.”


When Choosing Entertainment:
Remember: No one will complain because you made them laugh too much.


Photo From Backstage
Making Lighting Adjustments
A Special
“Thank You”
A special “Thank You” to Three on a String, and the Lyric Theater staff, and technical crews for making the Three on a String – Home for Christmas – Laughing All The Way Concert a huge sellout success. Hundreds of hours of planning and preparation went into presenting an event that ran flawlessly.  The two-hour concert included “Three on a String”, “Something Else Trio”, “The Warblers”, and “Glenn Strange”.

PPS – Your Bonus:A man walked into a doctor’s waiting room and asked if could see the doctor. The receptionist was hesitant to let him in, especially as it was Christmas Eve and she was waiting to turn off the Christmas lights in the waiting room and go home; but he was very insistent.

The Doctor, having had completed all his consultations for the day and feeling in a ‘good will to men’ mood, agreed to see him.

The man entered in a somewhat aimless manner and after some hesitation flopped into a chair and looked nervously around the room.

“How can I help you?” asked the doctor.

“Well, it’s like this,” said the man. “I keep thinking I’m a moth.”

“A moth?”

“Yes,” the man replied. “I’m convinced that I’m a moth.”

“Well I’m very sorry, but you’re in the wrong place. What you need is a psychiatrist”.

“That’s what I’ve been thinking” replied the man.

“Well, as it happens, I know just the man.” said the doctor “I’ll give him a call and see if he can fix an appointment for you after the holiday.”
The man agreed, and the doctor made the appointment.

“Tell me,” said the doctor “It must have been very apparent from the sign outside that I’m a general practitioner. So if you already know you need to see a psychiatrist, why did you come in?”

“Well,” the man said in a resigned voice “The door was open, and the lights were on …..”.


 

Christmas Laughs

Thursday, December 7th, 2017

Only 18 more sleeps until Christmas.
Please be careful …….. you know how I worry.

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


Questions:
“Q” How do you know Santa has to be a man?
“A” No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

“Q”  What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
“A” It’s Christmas, Eve!

“Q”  What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
“A” The letter “D”!


Pick One:
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer, and Santa Claus all got into the elevator of the hotel. As the elevator traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, they noticed a $100 bill lying on the elevator floor. Which one picked up the $100 bill, and turned it into the hotel receptionist?

Santa Claus, the other two don’t exist.​


Make Your Event the Best
It’s a scientific fact: Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. So, hire Comedian Magician Glenn Strange for your next event and reduce sadness, fuss fights, and related medical expenses.​


Lyric Theater Birmingham
Only a Few Tickets Left
The Good News Is:
Not a Bad Seat In The House
Three on a String – Home for Christmas:
The Warblers
Something Else Trio
Glenn Strange

December 12, Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com.

PPS – Your Bonus:Three weeks before Christmas, little Johnny asked his mother if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Johnny, having just played a major role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. Johnny went to his room and wrote ‘ Dear Jesus, I’ve been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.’ But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So, he decided to try again, and this time he wrote ‘Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.’ He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either. He tried a third version. ‘Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.’ He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time, he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary on the front lawn. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. ‘Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you’d better send me a new bike.’


 

Lyric Theatre, Dec 12, Be There!

Thursday, November 30th, 2017

Christmas a Comin:  Only 25 more sleeps.

SAFETY DRIVING TIPIt must be a law because people start driving crazy on Black Friday and continue until New Year’s day. Please watch for them …. you know how I worry.

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS at the very end.


What to Say:
Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don’t Like
10. Hey! There’s a gift!
9. Now, I have something to wear when I shop at Wal-Mart.
8. If I had not just gained 15 pounds, this would fit perfectly.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. What an ideal gift, and it’s fireproof.
5. If my dog destroys this, I’ll be furious!
4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. It is true. It is better to give than to receive.
1. You shouldn’t have, I really don’t deserve this.


The Perfect Gift:
A man bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, his best friend ask, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles?”

“She did,” he replied. “But no one sells a fake Jeep?”


Make Your Event the Best
Not everyone loves to dance, but everyone loves to laugh. Plan your next special event around Quality Professional Clean Comedy. Go to GlennStrange.com and look at the type audiences Glenn’s performed for.


Less Than 70 Tickets Available
Show Will SELL OUT
Three on a String – Home for Christmas: Laughing all the Way! With The Warblers! Something Else Trio! and myself. December 12, at the beautiful 750 seat, Lyric Fine Arts Theatre, in Birmingham, AL. Tickets available now at www.lyricbham.com
Don’t forget, “Three On a String” will also be at the beautiful “Newberry Opry House” in Newberry, SC, on January 6, 2018. Great music and hilarious comedy. Tickets to this event make great Christmas gifts for your special friends.  Tickets fit all sizes. Available now at  www.NewberryOperaHouse.com.

PPS – Your Bonus:Sally, a lady about 50 years old walked up and sat on Santa’s lap.

So, Santa smiled and asked, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’

‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Sally.

‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What do would you like me to bring her?’

Without hesitation, Sally replied, ‘A rich son-in-law.’


 

Hallmark Christmas Stories

Monday, November 20th, 2017

Well, it’s only the beginning of December and I’ve already had my fill of Hallmark Christmas movies. This year they started airing on November 5. All 22 new versions of the same old plot, with different faces. Everyone’s still whispering their lines, and you can hear soft jingling, tinkling bells in the background all through the entire show. Throughout the movie, you’re pulling for 2 people to realize they’re perfect for each other. Somewhere in the last 5 minutes, they give up, fall in love, the music gets louder, and snow starts falling. THE END. The only difference I see this year is that all the characters have upgraded their mobile phone service, and they’re using smartphones.  I’m just waiting to see if one of the characters has a pocket battery explosion. Probably not going to happen, cause that would add excitement, and that’s something no Hallmark movie has ever had. Thanks for listing. Pass me the tissues.IMG_0069 - Version 2 – Version 3

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Thursday, November 2nd, 2017

Today is”National Men Make Dinner Day”. Who gets to decide this kind of stuff anyway? Men are supposed to plan the menu (no BBQ. pizza, or grilling allowed). Purchase the ingredients, prepare, serve, and clean up. Looks like I’m passing out “Buy One Get One Free” Whopper Burger coupons.

WARNING: Only 53 days until Christmas! ​​​Those “Hallmark Christmas Stories” started airing October 27. Same story over and over, with different faces.​

Glenn Strange

PS – Don’t miss your BONUS joke at the very end.


Semi-Wisdom:
1) Snowmen fall from the sky unassembled.
2)  How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door
you’re on.
3)  Shopping Tip: You can get shoes for under $2.50 at most bowling alleys.


Health and Fitness:
My gym has a new machine. Only used it for half an hour, as I started feeling sick.  It’s a great machine. It has everything I need – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Chips, and more.​


Highly Recommended
I’m excited, and I highly recommend you experience this hilarious musical group, “Three On a String”. Trust me! If you love great music and love laughing, you will be thoroughly entertained.​I first worked with these guys over 20 years ago, and we became instant friends.  (Well, at least I like them) They’re naturally funny and amazing musicians. Between them, they play over 25 instruments. Their programs contain bluegrass, folk, rock, country, a little rap, and even the classics. Did I mention they are funny?

Tickets for “Three On a String” performance are the perfect Christmas gift for your friends and family. Tickets are easy to purchase online, and they’re easy to wrap.  ​


Who? “Three on a String”
Where? Newberry Opera House on January 6, 2018
What? Great music, hilarious storytelling and comedy skits
Why? Once you see them, you’ll never forget them
Ticket Information: Click Here

PPS – Your Bonus:

“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” Sam asked, “how do you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Well, first,” he replied, “you ask him a simple question which he should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”

“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made 3 voyages around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’

Sam thought for a moment, and then asked, “Do you have another example? I’ve never been much of a history buff?”

Hallmark Channel Overdose

Sunday, November 30th, 2014

I feel I’ll throw up, if I have to watch another “Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie”. My wife took possession of the TV remote Thanksgiving night. It’s now only the first part of December, and I’ve already had enough Christmas. Every Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie has the same basic storyline. All they do is change the faces, the names, and the “Welcome To” sign, at the edge of some small town. And, every character in the movie speaks with a low soft voice like they’re visiting the family at a funeral home.

A typical Hallmark storyline goes like this: Beautiful small town girl can’t wait to grow up, graduate college, and move to the big city to land a high paying corporate job, become famous, and live the dream life married to a wealthy doctor. After about 10 years of being away from her small hometown, she’s forced to return to care for one or both of her aging and/or dying parents. She returns home divorced by the doctor, and with a 6 year old daughter. She’s forced to take a job in retail for a friend of the family’s gift shop.

One day as she’s walking on her hometown downtown sidewalk, she runs into her old sweetheart. The guy she dated when she was a cheerleader and he was the high school star quarterback. It seems, 3 years ago, his wife was killed in a single car accident, on a rain-slickened highway. He’s still grieving and suffering from nightmares. He feels it was his fault, because of his low paying job, he couldn’t afford a new set of Michelins. Now, he’s a single dad with a handsome little boy, that just happens to be the same exact age as her beautiful daughter.

They mess around in the movie for a good 50 to 60 minutes. One’s in love with the other and the other keeps fighting it. Then with 12 minutes left in the movie, it’s always Christmas time. (I can still hear that Hallmark bell tinkling sound in the background. Same music that’s used in every Hallmark Movie.) Well, they finally agree that they’re in love and should get marry, because that’s what they should’ve done when they were young. The last scene is at night, and everyone in town’s happy, singing Christmas songs in the park, and it’s snowing like crazy. THE END. Pass me another Kleenex, and get ready cause there’s another one a comin on.

Sorry, thanks for listening. I feel better now.

Reducing Christmas Shopping Stress & Lowering Cost

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

Early Christmas Eve morning this “Strange” family will convoy to Denny’s for a Grand Slam Breakfast. (Waffle House ruled out because of non-family friendly booths). After breakfast, it’s off to Lowes for gift exchanging. Each family member will bring a spring loaded wooden clothespin, their Christmas wish list & a #2 pencil.  Once inside, each person will claim a Christmas tree & attach their wish list to an eye level branch. Then the Christmas shopping will begin.

Each person will shop the store for one gift per family member. They’ll place that unwrapped gift under the family member’s tree & mark that item off the wish list, using their #2 pencil. Once everyone has finished shopping we’ll circle the trees, hold hands and sing “Jingle Bells”, Elvis’ “Blue Christmas”, and the first verse of “Silent Night”.

Each person will then buggy up the gifts from under their claimed Christmas tree, proceed to checkout, without the tree, & pay for the gifts they were given. By everyone paying for their own gifts, no one will have a tendency to ask for overly expensive gifts, and everyone will receive only gifts they really want.  Coupons are permitted and encouraged.

 

Christmas at Lowes Benefits

1. No Christmas tree to buy, water, or store

2. Reduces shopping time

3. Eliminates home decorating cost

4. No increase in electric bill

5. No fighting mall traffic

6. Eliminates returning presents

7. No gift wrapping

8. Decorations look new

9. Eliminates re-gifting

10. Reduces cleanup time

The Perfect Christmas Tree

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

After years of searching, I’m happy to announce I’ve discovered the perfect Christmas Tree.

1)  No Searching Christmas Tree Lots

2)  No Hiking In Woods

3)  No Chainsaw Required

4)  Never Have To Buy or Borrow a Truck

4)  No Aggravating Tree Stand

5)  Eliminates the Attic Crawl

6)  Sets Up Quickly

7)  No Messy Pine Needles To Clean Up

8)  Never Needs Watering

9)  Stays Decorated

10)  Fire Proof

11)  Eco-Friendly

12)  Dog Friendly

13)  Easy To Store

14)  Fresh Pine Smell

The Perfect Christmas Gift

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Well, this Christmas I’ve decided to give all my friends and family something very special. Something that no one else will think to give. Something that will make their Christmas stand out above all the rest. I’m giving, “Gasoline”!!!! No, not one of those cheap, red and green paper envelopes containing a thoughtless plastic gift card, good at the local Gas and Go station, but an actual wrapped 5 gallon container of real gasoline. This is something they’ll all use and appreciate.

I’ve been wrapping all week and I just finished the last one. The presents look great under the tree. Each wrapped with bright red paper and a big gold bow attached to the tip of the poring spout. So many, they take up most of the living room. 14 huge wrapped packages with bows …… 70 gallons of gasoline under and around the twinkling Christmas tree.  As pretty as a picture on a Hallmark card. A couple were leaking, but I fixed that. I just lifted them off their side and sat them up straight. The carpet should dry before Christmas Day.

When you first walked into the house, you did notice a slight odor. But, I fixed that. I bought 3 dozen of those little green tree, air fresheners down at “Gentle Fingers Car Wash and Fake Tanning Salon”.  You’ve seen them before.  The ones really cool people hang on their rearview mirror. They’re perfect. All 36 of them hanging through out the house.  No one will, ever suspect they’re there to cover the gas order.  They look like normal Christmas decorations. This is going to be the biggest Christmas ever!!!!

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